To be a confirmed heroin addict is to be one of the walking dead

Dope is purely evil. Dope took away everything from me last year. Dope just stole my significant other. Some people may say that dope didn't do it, but rather the user did it. Dope, in my opinion, has a definite energy about it. It is an evil energy. It is more powerful than any user. I find it taunting me, at times, begging for one more chance with me. I find myself fantasizing about dope, at times.

When I used to be actively addicted, I used to fantasize about a big huge shot of dope that would knock me out so hard, I would die. I used to fantasize about DEATH. I wanted to die via overdose. That sounded GOOD to me! I tried it once. I used about three times more than I usually would have. I did not die, obviously. Instead, I woke up 36 hours later, with a completely numb arm and leg, blood crusted to my mouth, and about 20 missed calls. My tongue had HUGE bite-like marks on it. I was angry that I was still alive. As time went on, I started to be happy I was alive.

I don't know the "secret" to overcome this problem. I am three months clean, and these thoughts still consume me. The evil energy of dope haunts me every day. I need to get the fuck away from it before I give in again.

 

North west Montana. No dope. Or you can drive 12 hrs to Seattle. Now im just fucked up on morphine and every other fucking pain med that comes my way. Theres no hiding from opiates.

 

Well, we can agree to disagree, but in my experience either time has seemed to heal heal my wounds or sooner or later I end up figuring out how to heal them for myself. Woohoo lucky me... but this can apply to anyone, it just requires their understanding, effort and internalization. First and foremost, if you don't let your wounds heal, if you don't at least given them the opportunity to do so, they won't heal. Duh... I think that is the downside to not letting go or whatever of that hurt LLJ. IME there is a way to let one's wounds heal, and being able to move on, while also respecting that the scars still exist. And even then, over time the scars will fade if you take certain steps, first and foremost again one would have to give them chance to and not like pick at them all the time. If nothing else, and you don't like the scar analogy, you could always build a monument to certain wounds that you have suffered/experience. But I think by now you get the point. Do what you'll do; It's not my place to stop you. So enjoy!

Oh and on the note of hiding from opioids... Yea, if you try that, well, eventually you're gonna fail. And if you are successful in hiding from them, that's going to require living a shell of a life. Hardly a life at all... The GOAL is not to avoid them (again you're setting yourself up for a shitty fucking life if you try to do this regardless) but to embrace them, to get to the point where you see a bag of heroin and can actually say/feel, FUCK THAT STUFF! That's really your only totally viable option, if you wanna live a life worth lived in the long run at least...

Ahh haha, what a philosophical discussion we're having. At the end of the day, letting your own thoughts run while and not ever getting feed back and sharing with other people what you really feel and believe, basically isolating yourself as you might have and probably have while you were addicted at one point or another, with respect to certain people or groups of people, well, this is what's gonna take you down. But there is no reason you can't step aside and let that harmful force just pass you bye... But listen to me know, I'm rambling

 

i think that anyone thats been using drugs to some extent for the most part always fantasizes about death, we play with our lives.

its not the energy the substance has, but the power we let it have over our lives.

stay strong & good luck on your journey.