tired

I have been depressed since I was 12 years old. the intensity of the depression varies seemingly getting worse with any kind of stress. I have been so stressed lately college just stresses me the fuck out. Because its just bullshit just a bunch of hoops to get through so you can get a piece of paper proving what? Most the people in my class are idiots making the whole experience miserable. The truth is I really don't like most people. I dare say if it weren't for drugs and the need to procure them I might not have any friends. And if I am honest with myself at the rate I am going I may not have any friends soon anyway. I just have a hard time relating to people and I am often not sure what I am supposed to do or say.

I could sit here and type a novel about how isolated and sad I feel but I know you don't want to read it and frankly im too tired to explain. But it suffices to say that I am not enjoying this anymore. I am running out of reasons to stick around. Drugs are fun but they are starting to get hard to find. I guess the best solution is to move to a city with an open air market. But how do I get the money to move? My minimum wage job wont cut it. I cant find drugs to sling. Options are pretty limited indeed. I know I need to make a drastic change but I am so fucking scared of change its pathetic. I have been stuck with this so long I don't even know how to change. fuck being 24

 

i know how you feel
its fucked up