Puff
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2022
- Messages
- 130
Hello, how are you?
This year I started to use a lot of coke with my partner and friends. At first, it was only on weekends, but since my job started to get harder and made me face painful truths at the same time I was struggling with my master, I started to use coke almost everyday after work as a "gift for surviving the day on a draining work".
I was able to made a brief pause in September after becoming psychotic while thinking that my cat was dying. However, this month things started to become harder. I was able to make a five day pause after four days snorting 1g, but it was really hard. I needed to use ritalin (that I stopped taking since I came back with cocaine) to cope, but arrived one point where I didn't had interest.
But I relapsed on Friday because of holidays and dragged my partner with me and now I'm snorting 1-2g of coke.
My therapist suggested this week to not have the drug at home and not use.
I just finished snorting about 1,5 g and I'm feeling guilty for having using it. I have to work tomorrow and I feel like a failure.
I have lots of triggers that make me use coke and I need to work on this before things get worse. I use coke to stop with the pain and to calm me when I am leaving my comfort zone (which I did a lot last month's)
I am also worried about my partner's addiction, but I can't help me if I can't help myself.
If anyone have tips and knows how a person with depression and anxiety can deal with this, I'll be thankful. Specially while dealing with the cravings and the chemical sadness (consider that I don't like benzos and sleeping meds).
Sorry if this is too long and maybe confused, but I want to quit cocaine and be sober (even if a part of me is begging for another line).
This year I started to use a lot of coke with my partner and friends. At first, it was only on weekends, but since my job started to get harder and made me face painful truths at the same time I was struggling with my master, I started to use coke almost everyday after work as a "gift for surviving the day on a draining work".
I was able to made a brief pause in September after becoming psychotic while thinking that my cat was dying. However, this month things started to become harder. I was able to make a five day pause after four days snorting 1g, but it was really hard. I needed to use ritalin (that I stopped taking since I came back with cocaine) to cope, but arrived one point where I didn't had interest.
But I relapsed on Friday because of holidays and dragged my partner with me and now I'm snorting 1-2g of coke.
My therapist suggested this week to not have the drug at home and not use.
I just finished snorting about 1,5 g and I'm feeling guilty for having using it. I have to work tomorrow and I feel like a failure.
I have lots of triggers that make me use coke and I need to work on this before things get worse. I use coke to stop with the pain and to calm me when I am leaving my comfort zone (which I did a lot last month's)
I am also worried about my partner's addiction, but I can't help me if I can't help myself.
If anyone have tips and knows how a person with depression and anxiety can deal with this, I'll be thankful. Specially while dealing with the cravings and the chemical sadness (consider that I don't like benzos and sleeping meds).
Sorry if this is too long and maybe confused, but I want to quit cocaine and be sober (even if a part of me is begging for another line).