Addiction Time to get Sober - Life Beyond Abstinence

[tired of crap]

Yikes indeed
But so far no symptoms, mind this cold has been lingering for about a month now (but that was a few weeks before said instance) and the kids are always a revolving door of runny noses and coughs. My housemates (ex, her new partner and their 2 kids) both work in high risk positions and theyve both got colds too so theyre off work now too

Reading yesterdays rant seems whiny
Im not a terribly social person but this isolation is getting to me, as Im sure it is to everyone.
Work was where I did most of my socializing: talking with clients and my biz partner.After work Id visit friends sometimes or more recently talk with people at the gym. But not being allowed to be social seems worse than self imposed isolation lol

I kinda lost it on my daughter yesterday when we were trying to do her school work.
She was having issues with long division so I was helping her. She kept making the same mistakes and after a few questions Id had enough explaining the same thing over again but I was. It was all I could take though when she asked for help then 1 second into my explanation she started dicking around with her eraser, ignoring me. "Why would you ask for help if you dont want to hear my response"?

We're going to have to come up with some rules/routine if were going to be cooped up for the next few months (likely, as confirmed cases and deaths just keep going... fuck exponential growth lol)

 

[tired of crap]

Haha ok so that makes me sound like some sorta horrible father without patience... and at times I’d agree but there was more to the story

But today we were at her math work again and she actually paid attention (we did it much earlier in the day when she’s more effective). I’m proud to say she actually got it, even the more difficult questions with 3 digits and remainders ...

I managed a work out (Fuck me Ive got weak shoulders/a lot of work to do on em)... and a bike ride with the kiddo

I know I’m posting a lot but it helps with the feelings Of isolation ... even if no one answers lol

 

[tired of crap]

More of the same around here but Im feeling better today anyways.
I think I need to exercise everyday - it really helps my mood

My ex is sick and has been home. Shes going nuts because now we are all home and its too much for her: she needs her "alone time"....Plan was to hide in my unit downstairs today but her dumbass decided to go to work, despite still exhibiting symptoms (of a cold, presumably), just to escape her family. "If I had known having a family would be like this I wouldnt have bothered"... except you did know and found someone else to have more kids with. Part of me is definitely regretting moving in here but the other part is glad that Im able to see my daughter everyday and tbh her partner is a good guy (he reminds me of me before 10 years with her lol)... isolation alone would have sucked even more so...

Anyways more of the same today but its kinda rainy so well wait it out before headfing for a walk.

Suppose I should make some phone calls to family members today as well.
Sent some texts out yesterday to those I normally text with ... trying to do my part to keep in touch when were in the midst of this shit

 

[SunriseChampion]

tbh her partner is a good guy (he reminds me of me before 10 years with her lol)...

fuck, reminds me of my life except my ex's partner is a right twat...it's just that after her I'm a giant arsehole as well

isolation alone would have sucked even more so...

I live alone and over the last five years most of my best friends have moved far away (like Western Australia, British Columbia, and Spain far) and most of the remaining ones have cocooned into relationships and home life and then there's me, the mid-30s lunatic acting like he's still 19.

Needless to say, I've spent a lot of time alone over the last few years so this whole isolation thing is not even new to me.

Phoning my friends is pretty well good enough for me at this point and is actually quite well filling in the social touch I like. I haven't worked since the 20. and won't til at least 8 days from now, but honestly, this whole time's flown by.

Sorry if I missed it above somewhere but where you live is there somewhere nice to go for a walk? I'm right on the lake so I go for walks here all the time and just get lost in my own head which isn't as worrying as it used to be. It's refreshing and damn do I need to keep moving...my job is in construction so all this sitting around is sedentary hell for me and my usual home calisthenics training isn't enough.

 

[tired of crap]

...it's just that after her I'm a giant arsehole as well

... Id like to think Ive come a little ways since then ha

then there's me, the mid-30s lunatic acting like he's still 19.

Ya thats why I quit drinking lol my friends were starting to say something, to me. One even asked another if they needed to hold an intervention lol... I mean Im still kinda loose with my psychedelic use and friends often say things like "I dont understand why you trip so much. I get so much mroe from tripping just once a year. It makes it so special... blah blah blah"

But they mean well and Im tripping less these days but fuck... as far as my mental health and HR goes tripping > drinking

Sorry if I missed it above somewhere but where you live is there somewhere nice to go for a walk? I'm right on the lake so I go for walks here all the time and just get lost in my own head which isn't as worrying as it used to be. It's refreshing and damn do I need to keep moving...my job is in construction so all this sitting around is sedentary hell for me and my usual home calisthenics training isn't enough.

Yes we back on to a conservation area with trails. Im out for walks at least once a day with the kiddo now, sometimes even a bike. Been trying to run a couple times a week too... just anything to get out. I hard Ottawa has closed a bunch of public trails and dog parks cause of this shit tho... I can see that happening everywhere and Im marginally concerned for my sanity if that happens ...

What sort of calisthenics routine do you have?

 

[SunriseChampion]

... Id like to think Ive come a little ways since then ha

So have I...it's been a decade. I was just getting ready to start dating again...kinda started getting sick of my own company after all these years of being my own man...but bat soup and pangolins in wet markets fucked that up.

Ya thats why I quit drinking lol my friends were starting to say something, to me. One even asked another if they needed to hold an intervention lol... I mean Im still kinda loose with my psychedelic use and friends often say things like "I dont understand why you trip so much. I get so much mroe from tripping just once a year. It makes it so special... blah blah blah"

Oh man, my problem is that my friends are as degen or more than me. I have friends who are almost 40 who act like it's time to party like it's 1999, if you know what I mean. All cool people. All have their shit together and all that, but fuck do they give 'er. I'd say we're highly functional degens.
Unfortunately, one of our mates who has been an actual alcoholic since his teen years is now 40 and has to stop drinking altogether because of creeping liver issues. So, I think by the time we're all around 40, averaged out in our group, we can maybe manage to fuck off and settle down. Here's hoping. :D
Though, I think we may just switch to heavier psychedelic use en masse. One of my mates, who is 39 this year eats 'cid like it's going out of production.

But they mean well and Im tripping less these days but fuck... as far as my mental health and HR goes tripping > drinking

It's good that you have people in your life who care enough to not just sit by and enable your bullshit. I have friends who went down dark roads of stimulant abuse who couldn't handle the good advice and hard love meted out by some of us and gravitated to those friends they had who enabled their shit....and ended up variously homeless, in mental institutions, etc.

Tough love friendship is golden!

Yes we back on to a conservation area with trails. Im out for walks at least once a day with the kiddo now, sometimes even a bike. Been trying to run a couple times a week too... just anything to get out.

Nice one. Lucky you, sounds like it would be too full. The waterfront parks here by where I live, which are right across the road from me are pretty friggin busy and it makes it feel a bit dodgy going out there given the current context.

I hard Ottawa has closed a bunch of public trails and dog parks cause of this shit tho... I can see that happening everywhere and Im marginally concerned for my sanity if that happens ...

That's when I'll be the lucky one with my beautiful lake view waterfront balcony, complete with Muskoka chairs and potted trees.

What sort of calisthenics routine do you have?

Really ghetto basic nothingness, really. Just started getting into it in the last month and I have a hard time keeping any sort of non-work routine going so it's on and off just like my climbing (which is now off and off because of gym closures).

I was just looking into buying bars and door hangers before everything shut down so I'm stuck with various pushups, ab exercises, squats, and some dips using my coffee table or chairs.

I like calisthenics because it jives well with the muscle control needed in climbing as well as is a natural extension of the outdoor exercise I got as a kid growing up near a private park where we were outside all the time, climbing trees etc like it was our job. It also lends itself well to my job which is a bunch of calisthenics of a different kind in a way.

Not to mention the minimal equipment requirements. Also, looking fit in your mid-30s is a good look for us single folk.

 

[tired of crap]

Not to mention the minimal equipment requirements. Also, looking fit in your mid-30s is a good look for us single folk.

Haha im working on it.
Been pretty consistent with my strength exercises and im slowly increasing my weights as I relearn proper (maybe lol) form. Ive had to reduce the amount of running Ive been doing as my plantar fasciitis flared. Ive been stretching more and its been getting better so I tried adding a bike ride (not with the kid lol) and it seems to be ok, so Im trying to get out a few times a week. Ive also started in on some skipping and hiit core works on my off days.

Gotta do something with all this free time now lol ...
Been escaping with less video games too and even managed some yoga and mindfulness in the mornings. Im actually feeling really good.

Finally got to registering a business with a friend... in hopes there will be a market left when all this shit blows over ..
And Ive even managed to sort through all my tax shit too lol
...
Despite all the improvements Ive been craving an escape.
Im staying up later and hanging out with the people upstairs. Old habits die hard I guess so Ive been thinking how nice some junk food or a toke would be.... Obviously a little of either wouldnt hurt but Im almost at my goal of 6 weeks so Ill push on through as a matter of principal.

Ive been thinking Ill continue the IF, as well as the lack of FB and junk food. I can live without that lol
But itd be real nice to trip again soon.

Dont think Ill return to smoking weed for the time being but Ive got a bunch of edibles that are also calling my name. Historically I can regulate my edibles but not my smoking so much. I find toking morish, where as edibles seem to satiate me for a few days (if Im not so chronic about em)

Otherwise ssdd
Just trying to stay active and motivated during these weird times.

 

[Ganjcat]

I WILL NEVER GET SOBER MWAHAHAHAHAHA I WILL ALWAYS MAKE DRUGS LOOK COOL BECAUSE I LOOK COOL (IRL) AND GET PEOPLE ADDICTED MWAHAHAHA €

 

[tired of crap]

@Ganjcat
This was more of a brief experiment than a long term goal lol long term abstinence has never been a goal but I would enjoy a life style with a more sober mindstate.

I seem to be all or nothing for almost all of my bad habits. Good ones too

It’s not that I have no control. Because I can turn them on and off... albeit with a bit of a struggle... but I’d like a bit more understanding as to why it’s so difficult

 

[Ganjcat]

Ive always been all or nothing after all we might as well see what the best possible feeling we can get right oh how I regret that naive thinking as I'm sure its the 'heavy doses' 'near over dose doses & none fatal ods' that raise tour tolerance to stupid levels obviously normal moderate use does to but not as much as the former for example when I smoked weed I developed tolerance less than others I must of been a lightweight I was also a tight arse lol no one wanted my spliffs because I only put 0.1-0.2 in my spliffs but because they put a ridiculous amout in there's 0.3-2.0 their tolerance was to big i enjoyed my mates spliffs but i usually could only tolerate 5 drags this was back in Nottingham which has some of the best weed quality and prices in the UK btw anyway because I wanted to get one ever since I used my mates I got a bong which gives you a faster more intense hit my dad wasn't happy either he didn't mind me smoking spliffs but hw said a bong was fiendish anyway it didn't take long probably a week before I got a tolerance increase I also noticed spliffs wearnt as strong I found a solution to this though which was having a bong hit and smoking the spliff straight after I started having fat bong hits because I was chasing a headrush high(I spun my weed to) oh man they were awesome but guess what I could no longer get high on a spliff unless I faced it and it had 1+ gram me being the penny pinching frugal bargain loving and opiate junky immediately stopped smoking my bong except for very small circumstances and just waited until night time where I would roll 0.2 spliffs again but in 1 skin not a king anymore because I needed a fat cone ive not smoked a bong for over 6 years except maybe with mates once or twice but not properly I always always smoke spluffs you cant beat a spliff except a spliff on opiates.


Sorry for giving you my life story incase anymore misses the point or the mods who have a f****** hard on for me ban me and delete my comment for 'being off topic' cant wait for the next bulshit excuse "To madalesscent" "Not enough initiative" lol anyway the point is tolerance remember its never to late my cannabis tolerance is probably lower than it was when I first started I actually usually smoke 1 skins now btw I think kings are a waste especially if you want a fat one I get fucked off such a tiny bit in a 1 skin literaly a tiny thin line for all you trendy stoner kids laughing and sneering at me try it out put the normal amount you would put in a king riz (or as much as you can fit) and light the lil pocket rocket up I guarantee you will be pleasantly suprised it also burns and lasts longer then I expected I usually stub mine out twice and jam with it I got the whole one skin routine off my grandma who also blazes up she never has trouble going without it like I do she hardly put anything in her she has a saying well kinda like a saying basically "if you smoke less you miss it less" and I thought this is absolutely true obviously now I know how tolerance fully works I know this now but back then it was another well needed but of wisdom & and advice from my family I also think this of course applies to other drugs especially heroin, I defo miss it less physically when I have less but mentally I defo do miss it more lol mental me just wants to have enough to get a good long high going through the day which I do get but I try to stay home though because I end up nodding out after closing/resting my eyes 'for a second' not uncontrollably just I don't give a shit when nodding a ciggarate can bring it on but not like a spliff a spliff has got me from very high to worrying I might od because my breathing is low and manual my my bones week(my leg bones feel like they may snap any second from my weight like sticks)my vision and audio is fucked and my walking is worse then a drunk thank god though under all this physical insanity I still had my sense of mind and could think mostly straight one time I was trying my hardest to walk to normal and not look obviously high it wasn't easy through it was late and I was worried I might get attacked or robbed because I would not of been able to defend myself or run away luckily my grandmas wasn't far at all I had btw just come from a dealers after middle manning him my other dealer I dont know exactly how much I think atleast a half anyway I got some for free AND he offered me some to smoke on top so I didn't have to break into mine if I chilled but only if I wanted to ofcourse if he was adolf hitler himself I still would not have refused.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

this was back in Nottingham which has some of the best weed quality and prices in the UK btw

[Citation Required] Haha, I'm from Birmingham and have found weed quality to be pretty consistent throughout the country, especially recently - seems everyone sells the same high quality "flavours" or "stardog". Back when I first started smoking 10 years ago, you had to find the good dealers to sell cheese as "English" was still really prevalent, but these days that's almost unheard of IME. Not that I smoke these days - that fell off pretty rapidly after I got hooked on H. If I try to smoke weed while I'm using I'll just spend the whole high miserable that I'm a junkie - it makes me weirdly introspective. I want to try it again now that I'm sober and my life is in a better place, but not for a while since I don't need a new addiction at the moment.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're basically entirely ignoring the lockdown? Aren't you worried that hanging out with your dealer and friends (especially if you're sharing spliffs with them - if they have the virus and are asymptomatic then you're practically guaranteed to get it in that case) will lead to you getting infected and then you might pass it on to your grandma?? I'm not following the lockdown 100% either - I still see my mum and brother even though I don't live with them and sometimes I'll go out twice in a day if I want to get my exercise and go to get my script, for example, but I am minimizing it a lot and not going out too frivolously.

 

[SunriseChampion]

Ive had to reduce the amount of running Ive been doing as my plantar fasciitis flared. Ive been stretching more and its been getting better so I tried adding a bike ride (not with the kid lol) and it seems to be ok, so Im trying to get out a few times a week.

Yeah, biking's a less impact. Swimming even more so, but ain't nobody doing that anytime soon, I guess. Have you tried climbing? It's an amazing all body workout and very low impact.

Been escaping with less video games too and even managed some yoga and mindfulness in the mornings. Im actually feeling really good.

One of my best mates suggested I try yoga in the morning to help me stretch out because I have various stiffnesses related to work wear and tear. I thought I was going to die the first morning I followed the video routine off YouTube that he suggested I use. hahaha
I stick to easy stretches now and it's done a miracle of work on me in the mornings.
I guess after a certain age one gets all bunched up and requires the daily stretch just to keep from cramping up or injuring oneself.

Finally got to registering a business with a friend... in hopes there will be a market left when all this shit blows over ..
And Ive even managed to sort through all my tax shit too lol

Nice one....don't you worry about the prospects of business in a couple of months...or maybe a bit longer. Guaranteed to take off like mad after this.
You must be bored, doing up all your taxes now when they've deferred everything for months.

Despite all the improvements Ive been craving an escape.
Im staying up later and hanging out with the people upstairs. Old habits die hard I guess so Ive been thinking how nice some junk food or a toke would be.... Obviously a little of either wouldnt hurt but Im almost at my goal of 6 weeks so Ill push on through as a matter of principal.

Yeah, now's a tough time for that. I've started fiending a damn hike in the woods but they've locked up a lot of places and I'm just chilling on my block til this all blows over. I find in order to beat nagging desires you have to be as stubborn as a damn rock. That's how I quit meth and smoking......just fucking did it and couldn't let myself not keep at it because I put myself in the mindset of not letting go.

Otherwise ssdd

What's a ssdd? Is that some thing the kids say?

 

[tired of crap]

I was going to try climbing with a friend but it wasn’t like 50/month plus all the gear to get started so it wasn’t kinda outta my budget at the time. He’s always on about how good it is for you

Ya my am routine is basic af lol ... Ive been doing it for a while now and should really mix it up but it does wonders for me. And tbh I use it mostly as a lead in to meditation and save the real stretching for later

Fortunately the conservation area is still open so we spend a lot of time in there. Less now with the cold front lol
...
Tomorrow marks 6 weeks of my little Lent routine. Arguably I was successful in all aspects of it.

About the only thing I kinda cheated on was Facebook... not that I went on but I just kinda supplemented it with blue light and video games

junk food and substances posed some issues I was able to refrain. And IF was about 95% in my 18:6 schedule.

Tbh I think I’ll continue on with the IF, Facebook and junk food. But I can’t foresee myself continuing without weed lol ... and bicycle day is coming so ....

 

[SunriseChampion]

Yeah, climbing's great. I think once you start, you become obsessed. That's what happened to me and that's probably why your buddy's always on about it. It's the fucking tits!

You're lucky your conservation areas are still kicking. Everything anywhere near here is shut down.

Good on ya....6 weeks is quite a bit longer than I've been able to adhere to anything in some time (quitting smoking notwithstanding).

Bicycle Day, eh? Seems like a legit way to reward yourself.

 

[tired of crap]

Well bicycle day came and went and I just wasnt in the head space for it
I smoked some pot friday and Saturday night and it kept me up.. so being over tired I figured Id pass.

I got high and went for a walk though.. Later I was surprised with auras in my vision indicating an oncoming migraine. So I smoked another bowl, popped an advil, drank a bunch of water. I proceeded to draw the blinds, put some groovy tunes on (albeit quietly) and lay down in darkness ... This is no 5dgsd but between the visuals and the trippy music this almost sounds like bicycle day.

I awoke maybe an hour later with the aura gone and only a slight headache ... score!
...
Otherwise Ive been kinda stressed lately
My daughter is an extrovert and is going bonkers not being able to see her friends. Weve set up various social media platforms to allow for video chats but its not quite the same. Combine her stress with the fact that I irritated an old groin injury and had to take some time off exercising so I was frustrated too and bingo bango bongo the last few days sucked lol

But with some stretching and self massage the injury seems to be doing better so Im tentatively back to strength exercises ... but the running will have to wait, seems I was a little over zealous last week lol.

So with the added fatigue from the exercises I was back to a decent bed time and woke up feeling alright albeit unmotivated so ...
I managed a decent bout of yoga this morning I even followed it up with some core work and skipping...

Feeling better now

 

[tired of crap]

Well I havent been doing too well .. kinda going stir crazy
So I got to some yard work the last few days - put in a couple gardens. One for veggies, the other for flowers..and I cleaned up the yard too
Lord knows its been fucked since we moved in lol

Even managed to sneal in some exercise and I got back to my morning routine.
Amazing how much of a difference taking care of myself makes

 

[SunriseChampion]

What sort of veggies are you going for this year?

My balcony is getting cramped after I transplanted my two spruce trees into massive planters on Sunday. I may have room for some tomatoes though. I guess I could always eat spruce tips.

 

[tired of crap]

What sort of veggies are you going for this year?

My balcony is getting cramped after I transplanted my two spruce trees into massive planters on Sunday. I may have room for some tomatoes though. I guess I could always eat spruce tips.

Just outta curiousity though... Why did you pot spruce trees? lol
..
Im not sure what we will be planting. I havent started any seeds inside so Ill have to check to see what we can still plant. Im honestly not up on this stuff, I havent gardened in years. Will likely plant some black berries in the back corner though. Idk if theyll take off under a decent canopy of cedar trees. Idk but theres currently not even grass.

Started someother seeds though ... yaya legalization lol


While Ive got you @SunriseChampion you ever try mixing pot extract into kombucha and letting ti ferment?

 

[SunriseChampion]

Just outta curiousity though... Why did you pot spruce trees? lol

Better question: why have you not?

Nah, I wanted some trees on my balcony and I love evergreens so here we are. I live in a highrise.

Im not sure what we will be planting. I havent started any seeds inside so Ill have to check to see what we can still plant. Im honestly not up on this stuff, I havent gardened in years.

It's been a chilly spring and out your way I'm sure you're still going to see frost so I think you'd be ok waiting a couple weeks and still getting just about anything to produce. But I'm no expert.

While Ive got you @SunriseChampion you ever try mixing pot extract into kombucha and letting ti ferment?

No, I haven't, but I should ask my old man because he probably has as he's gone mental since legalisation and is making lotions, baked goods, cooking oils, chocolates, etc with his weed that he grew. And he's the source, of course, of my kombucha for my psilocybin experiments.

I don't like weed so the thought had not even occurred to me.

 

[tired of crap]

@SunriseChampion id be interested to hear in his chocolate making efforts.
I had a brief stint attempting to make chocolates but I never came across an easy recipe that didnt require them to be refrigerated... Settled on an easy recipe for gummies though lol
_______
These last couple weeks have been weird for me.
Ive started smoking pot again and between that and my poor sleep hygiene Im making things much harder for myself than they need to be. I often stay up way too late, for no real reason, and having never been one to sleep in im often up at my normal 6/630, if not earlier. Being that tired, with little motivation from being burnt out, my mindfulness in the morningshas slipped to maybe 2x/week, if that.

Accordingly I amended my exercise routine to include an additional day off betweenmy weighted exercsises... it may be unnecessary but I feel it helps me to recover mroe (though letsbe real, Im not working that hard haha)... but I filled it with some callithesthics and prehab exercises for some bas posture and old injuries

My days seem to fluctuate, not extremely but this quarantine is getting to me. My daughter too
And I think she must be hitting puberty soon as her moods fluctate like f*** and I find it so emotionally draining. Yet shebounces right back from it 30 minutes later.

I am finding the importance of self care is really coming through during my time at home.
When I slip and just get stoned/play video games all day, neglecting basic responsibilities, my mental health ebs accordingly.
Exercise seems to trump mindfulness, as well.

Some neighbourhood kids painted rocks and left em throughout the conservation area.
So I spent some time today finishing painting some rocks, with my daughter today, which we started a couple weeks back.
I made a poop emoji on a bright green background. It took some time with a fine brush but it looks good enough for me. Gonna put it out after I finish a couple more.