Time to get my life back and that time is NOW!

[The time is now]

Good morning to all, (or evening for some)
I am brand new to this site. I found it while searching through the internet looking for advice and tips on getting clean and staying clean from opiates. I found the sober living section and seen all the great ideas and the wonderful support and decided I would sign up. I hope you all are having a good 4th of July weekend.

I started using heroin about 2 years ago. I got hooked on opiates because I found out a good friend of mine was addicted to heroin and had been for some time. I was suffering from PTSD and severe depression at the time and was looking to try to self medicate myself as I did not want to go to the doctors because I did not want to admit there was a problem. My friend told me time and time again, for weeks that he would not sell to me because he did not want to get me involved in this. Despite his attempts to keep me from getting involved with heroin I finally wore him down and he finally sold to me. I was snorting for about 6-8 months before I started shooting dope. Now here I sit 2 years later wishing I had taken my friends advice and never got involved with this nasty drug. I am in almost complete financial ruin. My family does not know that I am addicted to heroin however they know something is wrong because they tell me over and over again they are worried about me because I am no longer the fun, happy person I use to be. My girlfriend of 6 months does not know I use heroin. She would leave me in a heart beat if she ever found out. Me and her have began to talk about moving in together and with this new chapter in my life that will be coming soon I have decided it is time to get clean and grow up. I am not doing this for anyone other than me. So tonight I met up with my friends and told them about my desire to get clean. We all had a long talk after getting high for my last time. I bid them goodbye as they do not wish to get clean but they fully support me and my decision. I deleted all their numbers from my phone, I deleted my dealers number. I am fully committed to making this work. I have tried this several times in the past but only lasting 2 to 3 days at most. I have narrowed my prior relapses to from 3 major withdrawal symptoms, 1) the anxiety/depression 2) the sluggish feeling/having no energy and 3) The restless legs and insomnia. I am hoping with my mind set that I can overcome this. I do not think my physical addiction is as bad as some because I do have the diarrhea, upset stomach ect but I do not have the full on vomiting, hot/cold sweats. However I have a very addictive personality so my mental addiction to the high is overwhelming at times. I could use all the support I can get and any tips and advice would be appreciated. I do not have the money nor access to comfort drugs like benzos and sleeping pills. I may be able to get ahold of some money for natural supplements and similar things. Sorry for such a long post. Have a good night everyone!

 

[manboychef]

First off: Six months is a very short time before moving in...if you are using, I would wait till you are sober to make that decision.

Secondly: Everyone experiences withdrawals differently, however we all have one thing in common; Each time you withdrawal from opiates it will get worse (the kindling effect).

I am glad you are recognizing that things need to change in order for you to live successfully. The first step I would take if I were in your shoes is to seek out a psychiatrist. If you have been self medicating for that long, the problems will still be there if not worse. It won't matter if you detox unless you address those problems. One aspect of recovery is that it is difficult because you are taking away the one coping mechanism you have used for two years, and now without the drugs you will not have a way of coping.

Basically: Don't move in yet, you already have something on your plate that is difficult to do and any extra complications will only make that more difficult. Secondly, seek out mental health help, especially from a psychiatrist that specializes in co-occurring disorders (mental health concerns in conjunction with substance abuse concerns). The last thing to start thinking about is if methadone or suboxone replacement therapy will be right for you. You say you are destitute. You may need to switch over to methadone or suboxone for a time in order to build up a decent cushion of money so you can take some time off to work on yourself.

These are the first things you should do. PM me if you need an ear to bend.

 

[herbavore]

Congratulations on your resolve and everything you have done so far. What kind of support are you doing for the PTSD? It is difficult when confronted with the enormity of battling addiction to lose sight of what led to addiction in the first place. A good book that might put you in a strong frame of mind is "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Mate. It's available used from amazon for not very much and it is a compassionate view of self-medicating(>addiction) by a palliative care doctor. Understanding that the battle against addiction is not so much about drugs as it is about healing at a deeper level gives you a much more sea-worthy boat to ride the storm out.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

Get buprenorphine (either legally or off the street) and use it to taper off heroin. There's no need in today's day-and-age to go through the discomfort of heroin WD...especially if you see your physical addiction as a major stumbling block in your quest to overcome your addiction. Suboxone is a great short-term fix for the problem of strong opiate addiction, IMO/IME

 

[Jabberwocky]

Congratulations on your resolve and everything you have done so far. What kind of support are you doing for the PTSD? It is difficult when confronted with the enormity of battling addiction to lose sight of what led to addiction in the first place. A good book that might put you in a strong frame of mind is "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" by Gabor Mate. It's available used from amazon for not very much and it is a compassionate view of self-medicating(>addiction) by a palliative care doctor. Understanding that the battle against addiction is not so much about drugs as it is about healing at a deeper level gives you a much more sea-worthy boat to ride the storm out.

I second reading this book, it really hits home and I bet you'd have a lot in it to relate to OP. Good luck!

 

[starting_over]

I second reading this book, it really hits home and I bet you'd have a lot in it to relate to OP. Good luck!

probably one of my top 3 books I've ever read, definitely check this out

 

[manboychef]

Progress update?

 

[The time is now]

Thank you all for the advice. I have been looking in my area for a psychiatrist. It wasn't something I thought of initially but realize it will be key to recovery and staying clean. I will have to check out that book for sure. Today has been pretty hard so far. The anxiety and restless legs have really been getting to me. I thought if I used just a little bit today that I won't go backwards with my withdrawals. However after a quick forum search I realized that would be setting myself up for failure and put me back at day one with my withdrawals so I have opted to not dose like originally planned. I am going to try to get a Suboxone to help. However I have heard they can be addicting as well so it is not something that I want to use all the time. And in someway I want to suffer through the withdrawals to remind me what I will have to go through again if I start using again and using the pain and suffering I am feeling now as a deterrent to using again. Mentally the cravings are really bad but at the same time I am excited to beat this. Thank you all for your support and advice.

 

[The time is now]

Another small update. I just got home from work and I am physically drained. However not nearly as bad as I thought I was going to be. Getting started at work was really rough. The first 20 minutes or so was tough but once I got moving I got a sudden burst of energy that sustained until I clocked out. Now I am home. The restless legs are not as bad as last night but still pretty annoying. The mental cravings come and go in waves. One minute I will be fine. The next I will be craving it so bad I try to rationalize it by telling myself I will only buy one bag. (I had a bundle plus a day habbit) but I have made it 48 hours and 46 minutes exactly so I quickly try to shove off those thoughts because I don't want to start my sobriety clock over again and start from square one again. I keep reminding myself that now is the best time to get clean. I haven't been arrested, I haven't overdosed or faced any major medical issues from my IV drug use, and I know if I start again I put myself at a great risk for all those things I have avoided thus far and will have to face even worse withdrawals. Thank you all again for your support. I really appreciate it.

 

[manboychef]

You are so right. All those things you describe are not yets. They will eventually happen.

Do you have any plans on how to stay sober once you are through withdrawal and PAWS?

 

[The time is now]

For me one of the biggest things in staying sober is going to get help for my PTSD and other underlying conditions that led to my self medicating. Also a life style change, changing the people I hang around with as they are not good influences on my sobriety, although they all support my getting clean 100% they are still using and being around that will surely lead back down the road of addiction and relapse.

Today my energy level seems to be back almost to normal. The mental cravings are still coming in waves. The last few nights sleep was very rough and sporadic. Although I have noticed slight improvements with my sleep pattern.

 

[SterlingM.Archer]

Keep it up, man! Just stay focused on the positives. I've been meditating the past few days. Only 5 mins which feels like forever honestly, but it's helpful to calm my racing mind. Even if only temporarily.

 

[manboychef]

Drug use changes you OP. You are going to have to recognize those changes and change them for the better. Friends is a huge thing. If they are using then you gotta cut them out of your life till you are strong...much stronger than the draw to drugs.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Something I have learned in recovery is that I am largely going to be defined by who I surround myself with. I mean in terms of the type of person I am, my present character and such. If you sleep with the sharks, well, you know . . .

Keep it up, man! Just stay focused on the positives. I've been meditating the past few days. Only 5 mins which feels like forever honestly, but it's helpful to calm my racing mind. Even if only temporarily.

Five minutes is an eternity my friend, don't sell yourself short. Shit, just getting your tush to the 'kush is a cause for celebration in my book. Remember to reward yourself with something nice (and not too unhealthy), like a tempting piece of fruit, an ice cream thingy, getting yourself a small $5-20 gift, or watching a juicy movie/TV show.

 

[The time is now]

Well guys I guess the time had to come eventually. My family has found out about my drug problem and I have come clean to them about everything. While they are not happy about it they are going to support me. I will be heading to an inpatient rehab center by the start of next week. I really appreciate you guys for your support in helping with the start of my recover. I will make another thread when the time comes after I get back from rehab.
Thanks again for all your help.

 

[manboychef]

Well guys I guess the time had to come eventually. My family has found out about my drug problem and I have come clean to them about everything. While they are not happy about it they are going to support me. I will be heading to an inpatient rehab center by the start of next week. I really appreciate you guys for your support in helping with the start of my recover. I will make another thread when the time comes after I get back from rehab.
Thanks again for all your help.

We do not live in a vacuum. Chances are your family already knew, but it is such a stigmatized subject that they did not know how to talk to you. It is nearly always the addict that is last to know that they are in trouble.

It is a good thing going to rehab, just be careful, and be good to yourself.

 

[w0w0mg]

Rehab is not all that bad, I wish you a good luck on your recovery and looking forward to hear from you when you return!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Good luck man, rehab will be exactly what you make of it, so try your best to put the effort in and youll be very pleasantly surprised eith how much you can benefit from it. Honestly I dont think it is the so-called treatment that makes the difference, rather it is the inividual's ability to make the experience what it is, as either something positive and constructive, or not.

That shouldnt excuse bad rehabs, but it does kind of explain how they get away with claiming the credit for their patient's successes and then just shrugging it off when patients end up failing, the latter happening tremendously more often than the former. . .

 

[manboychef]

Honesty is going to be your best policy in rehab. Mostly being honest to yourself. I am wishing you luck my friend. Rehab can be good...just be wary of the opposite sex. One of things about rehab is that your libido will come back and it is hard to beat those urges.

Stick with the people that want to be there.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Agreed, absolutely right about the opposite sex bit. Rehab is a place to get help and work on becoming a healthier person, not a place to start a romance or a bromance. It is not a vacation, thats for sure.