Pyro
Bluelighter
Last night I remembered something that was lost inside a forgotten memory. A moment of time where I realized an epiphany. This realization came while under the influence of psycadellic drugs. I remember my facial expressions. I remember the way my body moved. I remember the breath I took at that very moment of realization.
Would I have had that realization if I were not under the influence? Was that the place and time that realization was designed to happen, regardless of the chemical in my mind? I had it. I focused on it. I tripped about it. Yet when I woke up the next morning, I did not recall it. I didn't even try to recall it.
Time. If I had given myself the time to reflect. If I had been able to look back objectivly, without judgment. If I had only... What then? Now I remember that idea, over a year later. Out of no where it comes again, insited by what? Reflections of past tripping experiences.
Basically it is all retrospection. Either I retrospect the day after the experience, or I retrospect more than a year later. Or I guess I could never retrospect at all. Retrospection is a key to growth and learning.
I asked myself, "What were you trying to get out of all of that psycadellic mayhem you put yourself through?" There was no simple answer. There was a basic one though. Basically I wanted to experience as much as I could. The problem was that in order to truely experience these psycadellic things, I would have had to been more internally capable of handling myself. That is, to say, more mature.
I didn't give myself enough time to reflect in retrospection. I can't live life with regrets. I refuse. Now I want to go back there with a clear head. I want to be my own motivator. I want to be in control of the non-control...
Pyro
Would I have had that realization if I were not under the influence? Was that the place and time that realization was designed to happen, regardless of the chemical in my mind? I had it. I focused on it. I tripped about it. Yet when I woke up the next morning, I did not recall it. I didn't even try to recall it.
Time. If I had given myself the time to reflect. If I had been able to look back objectivly, without judgment. If I had only... What then? Now I remember that idea, over a year later. Out of no where it comes again, insited by what? Reflections of past tripping experiences.
Basically it is all retrospection. Either I retrospect the day after the experience, or I retrospect more than a year later. Or I guess I could never retrospect at all. Retrospection is a key to growth and learning.
I asked myself, "What were you trying to get out of all of that psycadellic mayhem you put yourself through?" There was no simple answer. There was a basic one though. Basically I wanted to experience as much as I could. The problem was that in order to truely experience these psycadellic things, I would have had to been more internally capable of handling myself. That is, to say, more mature.
I didn't give myself enough time to reflect in retrospection. I can't live life with regrets. I refuse. Now I want to go back there with a clear head. I want to be my own motivator. I want to be in control of the non-control...
Pyro
