I've mentioned that I have an ex-boyfriend from ~7 years ago in SLR in the past. He is also a professional reference as he has a bit of pull in his community. He is a lawyer, not the best in the world, but not the worst either. I was initially magnetically attracted to him, the attraction developed, and we haven't been together in several years (nor seen each other) but until the day before yesterday, we were friends.
We are no longer friends. It rips my heart out to lose a friend. But there's not a chance that I could stay friends with someone this morally bankrupt, even considering he is a lawyer. The story ends happily, though, as I made a new friend in the process who won't try to sleep with me.
We will call my ex Daniel, though that is not his real name. Daniel and I were frequent Blackberry and e-mail buddies. We traded "war stories" as many people in the legal profession do. And at one time, we had a very good relationship for about 18 months with two glaring exceptions. The first was his abusive wife from whom he was legally separated and they lived apart. I chose to keep my presence in Daniel's life secret. He has three children, only 1 of which is for-sure his. We will call the ex-wife Karen. Karen is a very mean person and a terrible mother. She uses the kids to get to Daniel, as he loves all of them. "Their" third child is that of Karen's business partner. Karen had a longstanding affair with her business partner while she and Daniel were separated.
The second was that Daniel cheated on me with one of our mutual friends. I ended the relationship abruptly as a result (as I think any self-respecting woman would) and did not talk to him for years. I was done. I moved 3500 miles away as a "geographical cure" and got on with my life.
The reason Daniel gave for cheating on me was that I was spending too much time with my "raver friends" and not enough with him. Um, hello? I was partying hard at the time, but not to the exclusion of my relationship. One of us still spent the night at each other's most nights. But sometimes I did want to go out and let loose with people my own age. I'd have died of embarrassment if I had brought Daniel to a rave. Although he was and probably still is a total alcoholic, pothead and cokehead, he disapproved of my using Ecstasy because he bought into the misconceptions we all know and hate.
Karen, being the vindictive soul she is, never found out about me... but she did find out about the woman he cheated on me with, whom we will call Jessica. Ironically, it was while Karen was driving by Jessica's house (note that Karen and Daniel were not together and had not been for years) that Karen observed Daniel walking Jessica's dogs. LOL.
Although Daniel is an Ivy League grad, he was stupid enough to move back in with Karen (she owns the house in her sole name; her parents are very wealthy) so he could spend time with his children. Daniel never told me that he and Karen had attempted to reconcile. I would have told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to cut the cord and get on with his life. I would have told him to find someone, perhaps a nice single mom his own age, to date and eventually marry. I wanted him to be happy. I knew I couldn't ever be the "one" for him after what he did, and I've been in relationships most of my adult life.
Enter Samantha, who has become my new friend, and her tale of woe.
Samantha, evidently, has been dating Daniel (and I use the term loosely - most of their dates were lunchtime fucks) for 3 years now. She left her husband for him after meeting him at a volunteer project. She moved across the street from his office to be nearer him - at his request. She knew what was going on with Karen and understood, as she's a single mom herself with a dramatic ex. She was in love with him and he professed his love for her.
Samantha found out about me on Saturday night. My Blackberry started blowing up with an unknown email address. It is very possible that Karen forwarded an e-mail from Daniel's Blackberry (from which he would flirt with me relentlessly, refer to our past relationship, to the point where as I said above annoyed me a lot) to Samantha. In any event, I told Samantha I hadn't seen him in years and was 3500 miles away. She was surprisingly nice to me once I explained that. I told her Daniel's and my full history, which was oddly therapeutic, as I've never been able to fully explain it to someone who knew him as well as I did. She's a clinical psychologist and professor too, and has already agreed to act as a reference for me in the future for career purposes.
The parallels between my relationship with Daniel and Samantha's are astonishing. I now see him as what he is - a total antisocial personality and a con artist. 10 years of friendship and amicability down the toilet after what he did to her. I've filled in as many blanks as I can and she's using my shoulder to cry on, which I am fine with - I have been through what she has, and women do not have to be bitches to one another. She goes back to work after a couple days' personal leave tomorrow and I think that will be better for her than anything. We have promised to keep in touch, and she is sending me a small gift for my assistance!
I don't give a shit about Daniel; he and Karen clearly deserve each other, and I gained a better friend than the one I lost. While time heals everything, Daniel is a wannabe Tiger Woods. Karen doesn't care what he does at the end of the day, but she still snoops in his Blackberry to get dirt on him. I can understand if someone still in love did that, but she loves her business partner, who is full of so much fail that words would be inadequate to describe him. He reminds me of an American "Fat Bastard" in Austin Powers.
I do find it hilarious that I was able to remain anonymous this long as far as Karen knowing about Daniel's and my previous relationship. Now that the cat's out of the bag, maybe I'll get subpoenaed in a divorce trial. That would be a first, and I'd obviously tell the whole truth just as I did with Samantha. My ethical problem is this: both Daniel and Karen totally fail and suck as parents. I wish Samantha could adopt them. Karen routinely harasses her at the school that Samantha's son attends with D & K's children. What a bully - adults can fail as hard as they want, but when kids are involved? They need to stop this fail.
) and although I'll be briefly picking up food, I'd hate to miss these packages. Buying stuff on the Internet is fun, especially when part of the money goes to the Haitian relief efforts (www.possets.com) and LL Bean has coats at 70% off. 
Good idea- writing this all out.....
