disasterline
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2006
- Messages
- 265
Hello there, I thought it would be a good idea to share some of my experiences getting clean. I have been a member for a while now, but have not posted in a very long time, usually I lurk around a little bit. I think it would be good for me to share, because I have never told anyone what I am about to type. I know the amount I was using at times was not much, but it was difficult for me.
In started in 10th grade, I was around 16. I did what ever drugs I could get my hands on. From cough medicine to cocaine, that is until I discovered opiates. I got 30, 5mg oxycodone from getting my wisdom teeth pulled. After taking them, I realized that it was the best feeling in the world nothing could even come close. I had given some to a friend, and like me he agreed that it was the best feeling in the world. We set out to find a reliable dealer, which of course we did. I was satisfied with snorting roxy, he was not. He started shooting up heroin, while I continued snorting oxy. He had recently purchased 50 stamp bags, but his mom caught him shooting up. He quickly sold me all the bags he had, which was around 45, for almost nothing. He went on to get clean after his mom sent him to rehab. Meanwhile I only got deeper into addiction. I quickly ran out of bags. And of course I found a connection for bags, however at this time in life I was only snorting bags.
Fast forward some time, and I had finally graduated high school. I had planned on getting clean by going away to college. I picked a school about 3 hours from my home, thinking that the lack of connections would get me clean. I starting going through wds, after about a week I felt fine but mentally I was craving. Since I didnt know any dealers, I need the next best thing and headed off to Ebay. Where I bought poppy pods, and I would continue to do so. Now that I was making tea in my room, what could go wrong? I started doing amphetamines. I now had two addictions. I was drinking pod tea several times in a day, and when I started getting tired I would snort no less than a 30mg adderall. As expected I flunked out of college, but I continued using both opiates and adderall once I returned.
This next section is what I would consider the "dark times". I was up for several days one night, doing god knows what in my room. It was around 2am when the house phone rang. It was the hospital, my mom had passed away. I woke my dad up to tell him, and we drove out to the hospital. He was in tears, However I felt nothing. My dad, in his desire to keep us close became a HUGE enabler. He would give me money left and right in big amounts. At this point in time, I started being able to buy bundles and shoot up. And my dad kept giving me money. Luckily I was able to stop snorting adderall which I was doing around 120mg a day. Mainly due to nodding out all day, but of course I had to do something to replace it. I started doing benzos. My dad started to get suspicious and stopped giving me money, I started stealing things. I have lost almost all of my friends from high school, because I would take money, electronics, and raid their medicines cabinets. I really regret stealing from them and it haunts me everyday.
This lifestyle continued for almost 2 years, I did nothing except take kpins and shoot dope. The first turning point came when a "friend" od in my room after shooting up. I had to call and ambulance and police came it was a big mess. The final step came when I was arrested after buying some dope. Its kinda funny because it was only a few bags. Since it was my first time getting arrested, I had go see a counselor. I convinced them that I was just giving a friend a ride and it was his drugs. They gave me a piss test and I pissed clean because they gave me a weeks notice, so I wd, piss, and then shoot up. I got charges reduced to a summary misconduct.
I knew I wanted to get away from this lifestyle. I got tired of waking up and having to drive to get dope, or having to figure a way to come up with money. I knew that the only way I could stay clean was to stay away from home. Having no money, the only way I could move away was join the military. And so I did. I would be in wds when I had to get my physical done, and shoot up as soon as I pissed.
About 3 days before basic training I stopped cold turkey. At this point I was shooting around a bundle a day not to be sick as well as taking around 2mg xanax a day. Basic training is no fun, its even worse when you are in wds from opiates, benzos, and nicotine. I struggled but after a few weeks things got better.
Here I am 3.5 years later. I am married, own a decent car, have lots of money in the bank, finally payed off thousands of dollars in credit card debt (from drugs) and I have almost completed my associates degree. Even though it has been so long since I last used, every day I still think about it. The feeling of being dope sick, and finally scoring and shooting up in a gas station parking lot is always in the back of my mind.
I think the reason I wanted to share this is because I am getting very close to getting out, while I have been given great opportunities, the military is not for me. I havnt been able to use because of random drug testing, and lack of connections. I know that when I move back home I will be tempted, and I will struggle with it.
Thanks for reading.
In started in 10th grade, I was around 16. I did what ever drugs I could get my hands on. From cough medicine to cocaine, that is until I discovered opiates. I got 30, 5mg oxycodone from getting my wisdom teeth pulled. After taking them, I realized that it was the best feeling in the world nothing could even come close. I had given some to a friend, and like me he agreed that it was the best feeling in the world. We set out to find a reliable dealer, which of course we did. I was satisfied with snorting roxy, he was not. He started shooting up heroin, while I continued snorting oxy. He had recently purchased 50 stamp bags, but his mom caught him shooting up. He quickly sold me all the bags he had, which was around 45, for almost nothing. He went on to get clean after his mom sent him to rehab. Meanwhile I only got deeper into addiction. I quickly ran out of bags. And of course I found a connection for bags, however at this time in life I was only snorting bags.
Fast forward some time, and I had finally graduated high school. I had planned on getting clean by going away to college. I picked a school about 3 hours from my home, thinking that the lack of connections would get me clean. I starting going through wds, after about a week I felt fine but mentally I was craving. Since I didnt know any dealers, I need the next best thing and headed off to Ebay. Where I bought poppy pods, and I would continue to do so. Now that I was making tea in my room, what could go wrong? I started doing amphetamines. I now had two addictions. I was drinking pod tea several times in a day, and when I started getting tired I would snort no less than a 30mg adderall. As expected I flunked out of college, but I continued using both opiates and adderall once I returned.
This next section is what I would consider the "dark times". I was up for several days one night, doing god knows what in my room. It was around 2am when the house phone rang. It was the hospital, my mom had passed away. I woke my dad up to tell him, and we drove out to the hospital. He was in tears, However I felt nothing. My dad, in his desire to keep us close became a HUGE enabler. He would give me money left and right in big amounts. At this point in time, I started being able to buy bundles and shoot up. And my dad kept giving me money. Luckily I was able to stop snorting adderall which I was doing around 120mg a day. Mainly due to nodding out all day, but of course I had to do something to replace it. I started doing benzos. My dad started to get suspicious and stopped giving me money, I started stealing things. I have lost almost all of my friends from high school, because I would take money, electronics, and raid their medicines cabinets. I really regret stealing from them and it haunts me everyday.
This lifestyle continued for almost 2 years, I did nothing except take kpins and shoot dope. The first turning point came when a "friend" od in my room after shooting up. I had to call and ambulance and police came it was a big mess. The final step came when I was arrested after buying some dope. Its kinda funny because it was only a few bags. Since it was my first time getting arrested, I had go see a counselor. I convinced them that I was just giving a friend a ride and it was his drugs. They gave me a piss test and I pissed clean because they gave me a weeks notice, so I wd, piss, and then shoot up. I got charges reduced to a summary misconduct.
I knew I wanted to get away from this lifestyle. I got tired of waking up and having to drive to get dope, or having to figure a way to come up with money. I knew that the only way I could stay clean was to stay away from home. Having no money, the only way I could move away was join the military. And so I did. I would be in wds when I had to get my physical done, and shoot up as soon as I pissed.
About 3 days before basic training I stopped cold turkey. At this point I was shooting around a bundle a day not to be sick as well as taking around 2mg xanax a day. Basic training is no fun, its even worse when you are in wds from opiates, benzos, and nicotine. I struggled but after a few weeks things got better.
Here I am 3.5 years later. I am married, own a decent car, have lots of money in the bank, finally payed off thousands of dollars in credit card debt (from drugs) and I have almost completed my associates degree. Even though it has been so long since I last used, every day I still think about it. The feeling of being dope sick, and finally scoring and shooting up in a gas station parking lot is always in the back of my mind.
I think the reason I wanted to share this is because I am getting very close to getting out, while I have been given great opportunities, the military is not for me. I havnt been able to use because of random drug testing, and lack of connections. I know that when I move back home I will be tempted, and I will struggle with it.
Thanks for reading.
