This is what I would say.

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

If I could go back and change it all,
I would.
I would take it all back
and wish it never ever happened.

Because sooner or later,
I find myself at the
breaking point again,
where everything,
that I spent the last
year and a half working on,
just crumbles to my feet again.

There's no amounts of....
beautifully cooked dinners
in a house smelling like
honeydew or vanilla,
with the laundry done and put away,
towels dryed, sheets made,
movies ready to be watch...
that could ever fix any of this.

And all this time I think,
how great its been....
and realize I've been kidding myself.
I'm making myself believe
that all these things,
could take all the bad away.
Fuck it.
There's nothing good anyway.

You've lied to me.
You've manipulated me.
And I let you.
Yes, that's right.

And now...
when I decide that
I won't pick you up for work to talk,
And I'll go out and make YOU
wonder where I am.....
I'll have no where to go.
Because I have no where to go.
I can't even go to my family's house,
because when I burst into tears,
and start to shake and pull my hair out,
I wouldn't be able to deal with the
"i told you so" stare.

You think you're so so
fucking perfect.
Art thou can do nothing wrong.
But it's so much easier
to pin it somewhere else,
where it will hurt worse.

Well, you want to win this one?
That's fine.
But you'll probably lose me,
in all your victory.
Will you celebrate then?
Maybe you can have a
great old time
with all your single friends.

You can get drunk together
and tell them what a
fucking bitch I am.
And how much you hate me.
How crazy I am...
and how you can't believe
you would even date me.

I DON'T CARE,
cause either way...
I always fucking lose.
So what the fuck does it matter
what they think of me.
I wasn't trying to impress them
anyway.

You can sling back into
your depression
and fuck everything in your sight.
We act alot alike,
and I think it's time to change.

I was so proud of you.
So so proud.
I'm the one that believes in you.
Even after all my fucking
strength is gone.
I can't even find enough
to get me up off the kitchen floor.

But I'll gather it
to prepare dinner,
and pick you up.
And listen, and scream,
and bite my lip.
Hide my tears, go to bed
where I can forget all of this.
It's the only place I can go
to escape to a place
where maybe I don't love you.

 

[blahblahblah]

Just curious I Love you with a Knife...

I have been reading you poetry for a bit now (and I like it), but I can't seem to tell if you are in a relationship or if these are old poems concerning an old flame or what. Forgive me if I am butting into your personal affairs, but it would help to get a better idea of where you are coming from with your posts/poems.

GOod stuff...

Oh, and to add a nonsensical comment every time I see your s/n, I am always reminded of a song entitled: My Friend, My Friend

"MY friend, My friend, he's got a knife"
"A statement from his formal life" - uh, what am I talking about...??!

 

[Raz]

It's the only place I can go
to escape to a place
where maybe I don't love you.

Geez you know how to write. Whenever I read anything of yours it's like a punch to the gut.

Wrenching, but definitely very very good. That line in particular kind of took my breath away.

 

[StuffedTiger]

your poem reminds me of nine inch nails lyrics, I did the whole thing in my head like a nin song. Totally good though. I had to check to make sure you're not my ex-girlfriend.

 

[cherub]

great stuff girl, as always your hearting has a sense of heart always to it,.... i enjoy that

 

[CrYsTaLe]

I really enjoyed it...the way you use the description paints the picture really well in your mind

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

Hi. 99% of the time I write about *current* affairs going on.
It seems as though when I'm happy (lack of a better word), it's more difficult for me to write, so that's when I'll go back and thing about something else and write about something not so current but manage to still fit it in with being up to date.
Also, 99.9% of the time everything I write is uncut, unedited.
It's basically sit down and speed type everything out of the brain and onto the screen.
Ciao.

 

[up all night]

Awesome. [I hate one word replies but that's all I can think of right now]

 

[SnowFrog]

Wow....that is exactly what I would say also....

Great writing chicky

~B

 

[Shuba]

I loved this. So sharp, so visceral....