this is my life?

i feel lost i wanna move out of this sober house i just dont want to deal with this crap anymore i feel trapped and i just want to get fucked up anyway i dont know what to do if i leave my dad might cut me off but i think i could support myself and things might be worse if i left vs getting kicked out
am i anything more than a junkie
btw i appreciate comments
is there any magical answer
i felt kinda depressed today i havent left the house
i feel like i have this whole amazing city at my fingertips and i dont know what to do with it

 

Try to look at what you are going through as a very normal part of trying to get sober, both the depression and the desire to get fucked up again just to relieve all the feelings. Try to stay. You will be able to be in control of your life so much better if you just stay strong and move through this. Everything changes and these feelings will pass even though it does not seem that way right now.

You should post a thread on The Dark Side. You will get lots of support there. So many people are going through what you are describing.

 

I've been through a sober house and it began a long trek of sobriety for me. Sobriety that I actually wanted, sobriety where I no longer had the obsession to drug. But while spending 10 out of the last 11.5 yrs sober, I've developed a history of putting together time and then going out. It used to always be for 2-3 months. This time it has been a year. I've been forced through geographical cirucumstances to kick the habit the last couple months but it really has not lessened my desire to use. There isn't a magical answer. Recovery used to come easy to me...in the sense that once I got throught the initial kick I'd be all about it. One-two weeks and no more thoughts of using. Something has changed this time. It depresses me. Guess I'm saying I can relate