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this is me in harrisburg PA. fuck

chalupo

chalupo

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 10, 2012
Messages
17
Location
Harrisburg PA
Hey guys, my names Matt, just moved to harrisburg to go to welding school. i got out of rehab 2 weeks before i moved here for my herion addiction and alchoholism. im on subs , but crack is in front of me everyday here, nd now am smoking crack on a daily basis, which sucks, the high aint even worth it. pretty much broke... yadayadayada.
well to be less negative, ill introduce my interesest and myself besides the addict in me.

ive traveled for the last 3 years of my life by freight train and hitchhiking , squatting,. Im 20 years old. Im sick having the only somewhat happy times of my daily life be when getting high. although im pretty well off right now i am a very depressed and anxious person and always have been and i cant seem to kick it. ive tried so much and so hard to beat this mental battle which causes my abuse. and i make art, weirrd fucked up shit. Ive been lurking here for a while, and i enjoy this site alot. i hope to talk and meet anyone and just contribute if i can. thanks if you read this.


edit; sorry if this should be moved. to the intro thread
 
Harrisburg is a shithole... I don't live too far from it and even have to go there Sunday due to something work related.... but yeah crack crack crack is all around...the dope sucks there though. Anyways welcome and try to stay away from crack.... don't become one of the many crack fiends in Harrisburg.... Stick to school and hit up meetings if you have to.
 
I had a brief intense crack period in my life and I feel for you. Like x says above ^ hit the meetings. Do anything you can to get awayfrom that shit. Good luck.
 
I want to see some of your weird art. That stuff is right up my alley..
Feel free to share some in TDS photo thread sometime :)
Hang around here man..
There are a lot of good folk in the dark side, that's for sure.
<3
 
Hey, welcome to bluelight. You'll find lots of people here who can relate to your situation and there's amazing support on TDS. You just need to hang in there and believe in yourself!
 
Welcome to BL. TDS is a great place for support!

Congratulations on school. That is most definitely something positive in your life. Also, congratulations on taking a step in the right direction and getting on suboxone to help with your heroin addiction and alcoholism.

The best advice I can give to you is to (obviously) do anything you can to stay away from the drugs in front of you. Absorb yourself in your school work, make new friends who don't use, and even try going to meetings.

Best of luck to you with everything.
 
yeah meetings are a must, theres just pretty much all shitty around here. having trouble finding some within walking or biking distance that arent just peopple court ordered and that arent sober.
 
I think it's super interesting that you're only 20 and you've been squatting around for three years...?
That's crazy, I'd really like to hear about some of the places you've been to though while hitching around for that long
 
i can be bad at keep up with my posts but you can ask all you want and any support or conversation or anything at all is very appreciated. you can ask away bill. but sorry if i lag a little
 
sometimes I myself would like to just leave my parents house and go hitching somewhere...i'm pretty terrified what that might mean to my every day life though...I'm not really down with sleeping outside in the winter..haha
 
got for it RULES . go south , or wait till warmth. first step is the hardest. then once you get used to it and learn the ways, its eaasssy. but dont blow shit up and becareful and safe. rely on your self not others you meet on the road that are traveling as well, my advice atleast. just get a pack, sleeping bag, tarp and/or sleeping pad and whatever thingss you think youl want and hit the road. if you hve a sleeping bag, you have a warm home. especially if a bridge is included or sometime of shelter when it rains. you can go anywhere you want for free. while getting everything for free, and a good amount of money if you just talk to people
 
i made it sound easy their but it hard times do arise which can be really miserable. but you deal with it, suffering while free is only momentary until things change which is a constant in that lifestyle. while also in ways very repetative
 
i think i'm too addicted to technology to ever seriously go on a hitch somewhere very far away, but i'll always keep that option open (:
 
Yeah, the idea of hitching is cool and romantic, but the reality of it is diff. I'm too much a creature of comfort. A weekend camping is cool, but homeless in the winter, not so much. But yeah, I read/watch Into the Wild, or Jack Kerouac and think of how cool it would be to bum around.
 
it is very romanticized by many people,( kind of like my first post. its easy to me so i wrote it how i feel about it, but it is much much different for others. so there are alot of clueless people that go out and try it and only last a few days or weeks or get hurt or fucked up. its not all beauty, romance , and fun. a person makes what they want out of it.
 
Hey Matt, glad to see you're going to school. How long do you have to stay on subs? I went through a crazy crack period as well. Looking back on it now, it seems like a bad dream. Binging for days and waking up with my money missing. I don't miss it one bit. I have known too many people lose everything using cocaine. A few hits is never enough.

It can't be easy squatting in the winter. I worked at the homeless shelter and we would do outreach during the few days it got below 40 degrees at night. But this is Florida and a lot of people were transients but appreciated sandwiches and coffee. It's a rough way to live and you're a young man but the lifestyle ages you quickly. I've seen women get beat up, raped and one got killed right behind 7-11. The killer was never found. These girls needed to prostitute themselves to get money for crack. We would help people to get off the drugs, but staying clean is the hard part.

You have the opportunity to learn a good trade so take advantage while you can. It's hard to study or learn when you're high. I think you know this. I still sometimes have dreams where I'm getting high and that's a big trigger. I know I just can't use. I've been to NA meetings and met lots of people with good intentions. But as soon as certain people got money in their pockets, they were back to using. :(
 
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