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This Girl... is gone.

E-girl

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 1999
Messages
4,525
Location
PA, USA
I used to think that I had this little reserve of hope,
And when things seemed at their bleakest,
I could stretch into that reserve and find that hope,
And I could get through just about anything.
I always had hope when everyone else had given up,
And even when things got pitifully futile,
I could find some buried sliver of hope to hold onto.
And I could always find the good in people,
Or at least try to make it up for them.
I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt.
And i had no problem giving people a second chance... and a third...
But this time, i give up.
That girl, that wishful hopeful girl.. is gone.
There is no hope in this girl's heart
That things will turn themselves around.
I could beg for a second chance,
And keep saying how sorry i am,
But i'm not. I'm really not.
A person can only take so much...
Be walked over so many times,
Before they just don't care anymore.
I'm not going to beg for the chance to tell my side of it,
Because it doesn't matter.
They won -- they got what the wanted,
And it still wasn't enough.
They had to see everything i loved, and worked so hard for,
Taken from me,
Or else they wouldn't be satified.
And even then...
This girl that you once knew,
With the glitter on her eyelids and the smile
That you couldn't help but smile back at,
She's exiting the building,
And taking with her all the optimism,
And hope, and fairytalism with her.
She'll leave them to wonder what ever became of her,
But *ssssshhh* we can't talk about it,
There is this corporate image to uphold
And nothing bad ever happens here.
And those people, the ones who just couldn't let it go...
They can come back in and make everyone's life miserable,
Because the girl with the glittery eyes,
And the pocketful of candy,
And the book full of stickers...
She's gone. No more a threat.
Sometimes I feel like i was put on this earth
To teach everyone a lesson...
To show them that some people just keep taking the short end of the straw,
Every goddamn time,
And the one time they want to fight for that longer end,
All of a sudden they lose all their respect,
Their perfect image, their "glitter"
And i just wanted this one time
To fight back,
And guess i went about it all wrong
But will i get that second chance?
Will i have to beg and plead for them not to take away
everything i have here?
This girl is tired, and tired of letting everyone else
Stand in her glory
She is tired of having to fake happiness
And tired of getting up in the morning
Without anything real to go to,
Without any glimpse of tomorrow being better.
She's so tired of doing favors for everyone
And picking up the pieces of everyone else's life
She's just fucking tired.
And no matter which way she rearranges her room,
The bed is just not in the right spot,
And something is just... off.
This girl... she's gone.
Too many things tying her down to hop in her car,
With the dent in the side,
The dent to remind her who won,
To just take off into the horizon
And not come back to this place wiht its broken memories,
And tearful remembrances.
But she's leaving behind this stupid image,
This name,
This trademark,
This facade...
No, that girl... is now gone.
I'm done playing everyone's fucking games.
I can't do it anymore.
It's time for me to grow up,
And do something for myself
And the girl who cries,
48 hour tears,
That girl... is gone.
 
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this is amazing. one suspects it draws deep on personal experience & feelings - if so hang in there. things will get easier...
 
Each time in my life that I have lost something or someone important to me, I gained one of the following:
Either . . .
(1) the lesson that I lost the person or thing I cared so much about because of a flaw in myself . . . and that I ought to work hard on that part of me so I can become the person I want to be . . .
. . . OR . . .
(2) the knowledge that having this person or thing in my life is inconsistent with me being me.
If you remain true to yourself, you'll always love yourself.
And that's more important than anything else in the world.
Peace on you,
LL
 
I'm praying that poem was just an outpouring of pent up emotion, as opposed to a genuine declaration of surrender. :(
Its lovely, its depressing, its the story of a fight that consumes the fighter, and I really really hope that it isn't true.
E-girl, don't ever let the man get you down!
*hugs*
-plaz out-
 
You said to me once that one of the worst things that could happen is losing hope...
...I took that to heart. While maybe I'm still a die-hard cynic, I hate to see someone who isn't turn down that path.
I always had hope when everyone else had given up,
And even when things got pitifully futile,
I could find some buried sliver of hope to hold onto.
And I could always find the good in people,
Or at least try to make it up for them.
I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt.
And i had no problem giving people a second chance... and a third...
But this time, i give up.
I did that a looooong time ago. It hurts to see it written again, but I understand entirely where your'e comming from.
Well done, and best of luck to you.
 
GL... i'm touched that you remember that.
and i used to always tell people that...
i guess i could use the reminder.
and last night, a sliver of hope came back!
i slept better last night than i have in a long time, and today everyone noticed that i was somewhat back to my usual self. my friend kirby said "it's good to see you smiling again."
pray for me that things stay this way.
thanks, as always... to all of u.
 
your words,thoughts and feelings lately, they remind me so much of myself 5 years ago...so much it gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes. i know our worlds/situations are completely different, but i had to go through hell and heartbreak, i had to emotionally reach my lowest low ever to become the person i am today. i love who i am today, and in retrospect all the tears, anger and frustration were definitely worth it. hang in there...your inner spirit radiates, anyone whose ever read your posts can see this. it will rise up over all this in the end..trust me... :)
 
see that's what always happens... i force myself to build up this little bit of hope, and then when it looks just about ready for things to go my way, that hope gets smashed, right in front of my face, in a million pieces. and last night was no different. last night i had something taken away from me that meant so damn much, that i felt lost, and just sat down and cried and cried for hours, in the spot where it happened. and all my friends watched me fall apart, right then and there. and i told every last one of them why.
because there are a bunch of assholes out there who don't care who they hurt. and they finally got what the wanted. i hope they are really fucking happy now. and me... i have to start all over with a piece of my life that was dear to me...
but fuck them. what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
 
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