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Think your invincible to MDMA tolerance and harm?

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Doktah

Bluelighter
Joined
May 21, 2010
Messages
87
Well, here it goes. I've recently ceased MDMA use for the next few months (the rest of the summer for sure) and would like to tell you fellow bluelighter's a story of how abuse of MDMA can and WILL catch up to you.

I am posting this because this is a harm reduction forum and I would like it if I didn't get flamed... I am well aware that I fucked up ;)

The first time I took MDMA was a blue dolphin XTC pill in grade 9. This was the first drug I ever took (even before alcohol) and was the best experience in my life. I had no knowledge of the drug, and for some reason took it anyway, and had a blast. Suprisingly it was not until december of last year in my freshman year at university that I decided to try it again; thats where this story begins.

I began dropping MDMA after my use of celexa (an SSRI) had come to an end, and was maddly in love with the high. To make things worse (well, better at the time), my girlfriend and practically everyone in my area of residence was doing it as well. We had some amazing times together (especially me and the gf), however, we were using far too much. I'm talking every second weekend minimum, and often multiple times each weekend. Our tolerances began to skyrocket, until last week (my final experience) when I took 300mg orally at once and then 300mg insufflated about 1.5 hours in with NO EFFECT. Up until this point, I would still roll somewhat no matter how often I dropped, but I guess I had to hit the rock bottom of my serotonin well at some point right?

I had suffered very minor hangovers until this point, but after an insane 3 night in-a-row binge, I still feel a little out of it today as I am typing this (although practically 100% better mentally/energy-level/emotional wise, but for the following three days I was getting some truly scary brain zaps and odd bodily sensations, as well as pot - which i have smoked for years - sends me into full blown anxiety attacks.

I was always one of the people who could drop very often, suffer minor hangovers and very little increase in tolerance, but I am here to tell you DO NOT DO IT! I fear I may never regain the magic of this drug after my long stint of abuse, and certainly am completely turned off of doing it for a long time for fear that I may become FUBAR (fucked up beyond all recognition :\). MDMA is an amazing drug, and I would suggest that everyone who is in good health and has a test kit DO IT as it is highly beneficial to your mental well-being (I feel I have become a much better person as a result of my experiences on it), however, use moderation (I'd suggest month and a half to two month breaks) and for the love of god HARM REDUCTION! (I'm going to start another thread at some point on perhaps supplementing L-Tryptophan instead of 5-HTP for various reasons I have come across) or you will surely hit the brick wall that I have run into. It sucks, cherish the experience and your health!

Peace.
 
Ughh, don't remind me... the sudden rock bottom, I remember that day :/ two years later I'm still climbing out of the tolerance hole.

I've got MAYBE half of the feeling back :(
 
I have been using mdma for a good 20 years, have gone over a couple of times once quite serious (over indulgence) my fault! My beleif is its newbies to this chemical that die or fuckup in a bad way cos they are either a, allergic to it b, done to much or c, been sold snide stuff. During my years of using mdma i have taken breaks upto a year some times. During these breaks i was taking serotin replacements and found it allowed me to continue to enjoy doing what i do with out fucking my head up to much. Ok we all know drugs are bad but we enjoy doing them. The way i see it is if i am going to experiment with these things to have a back up plan just as you would have first aid at a stunt show. Getting back to the thread i used to smoke weed a few years before i took e and it was fine till one day i had a panic attack. This then happened every time i smoked. . . I stopped smoking due to this. Maybe the reason you have them symptoms is cos of the pot?? Ok the mdma aint gonna help matters but once your serotin levels rise again your brain will tolerate it more but with me even today if i smoke the panic hits me but in all the years of using mdma i have been pretty head strong. . . . Not sure if this message makes sense now cos on my mobile and tired. Will sort it anyway and if needs be will edit it in the morning. Regards
 
Skanky pants said:
I have been using mdma for a good 20 years, have gone over a couple of times once quite serious (over indulgence) my fault! My beleif is its newbies to this chemical that die or fuckup in a bad way cos they are either a, allergic to it b, done to much or c, been sold snide stuff. During my years of using mdma i have taken breaks upto a year some times. During these breaks i was taking serotin replacements and found it allowed me to continue to enjoy doing what i do with out fucking my head up to much. Ok we all know drugs are bad but we enjoy doing them. The way i see it is if i am going to experiment with these things to have a back up plan just as you would have first aid at a stunt show. Getting back to the thread i used to smoke weed a few years before i took e and it was fine till one day i had a panic attack. This then happened every time i smoked. . . I stopped smoking due to this. Maybe the reason you have them symptoms is cos of the pot?? Ok the mdma aint gonna help matters but once your serotin levels rise again your brain will tolerate it more but with me even today if i smoke the panic hits me but in all the years of using mdma i have been pretty head strong. . . . Not sure if this message makes sense now cos on my mobile and tired. Will sort it anyway and if needs be will edit it in the morning. Regards
Click to expand...

Writing...

you're doin it wrong
 
araisbec said:
I began dropping MDMA after my use of celexa (an SSRI) had come to an end

Peace.
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Your post is a bit confusing since the only bad thing you mention is loosing the magic and suffering a bit of anxiety etc..?

Since you fall in the category who are naturally predisposed of suffering ill effects from mdma I hope you don't get discoblues (depression).
 
Well actually I would say the ill effects I experienced from this abuse are the "brain zaps" that I'm still getting (although toned down quite a bit), a little increased anxiety, and I'm guessing there has been an impact on my short-term memory because I seem to be a little spacier, but this does not worry me much as I have always been one of those deep thinking types that are out to lunch 99% of the time 8). and Arnold, I understand what you mean about predisposed people to MDMA-induced depression; I know people who cry themselves to sleep every night for a week following use. I don't experience anything like this; My use of anti-depressents was - what I believe - used to treat an episode of Dysthemia (I did some research at university for a paper and I fit the bill perfectly for this disorder) as well as to deal with the loss of my brother which regarding the circumstances was a somewhat traumatizing experience. I honestly do not feel depressed at all now, and attribute this to working out everyday and keeping myself busy.
 
Scary stuff indeed - thanks for your story.

You may have noticed that the two main things that I say are

Get a test kit

Give yourself 3 months break between rolls

Two simple steps could save you so many problems both physically and mentally - I know that it’s so easy for people to forget that MDMA is a toxic drug with dangerous side effects that can leave you drained/depressed or worse for the rest of your life.
 
I took some really terrible beans the first time....

Didn't touch the stuff for about a year... Then i started raving and had access to very clean molly and i only took beans when i knew they were legitament. 18 months later, with the first 6 months of this being pretty close to once every weekend or two. Slowed down a bit.... Learned moderation. And up until now, I roll a little more frequently than i probably should but i am a moderatly healthy individual and i know my body. I realize when things are getting out of hand and i have the willpower to slow down.

So when i do roll its almost always very clean molly, and 120mg is enough for me. Sure i can handle myself perfectly well on 180mg but i don't need that much.

Lean moderation...
 
not 'dick sizing' like my thread got closed for... but sorry all of that sounds completely normal for a molly comedown when you do it too much. When you hear voices and experience slight psychosis, short term memory loss and forget what you say mid sentence even sober because of too much MDMA, then I wanna read about it
 
The proper fun starts when you completely lock yourself off from society,can't even talk, and don't even have the energy to press f4 on the keyboard which lasts for months =D

Which is the first thing that jumps in my mind when I read about people taking 10+ pills a week.
 
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Molly897, does this qualify? This experience scared the shit out of me:

So I'm in my basement, and my friend is over. I'm only tripping on approx. 220mg of MDMA (not a ton for me). I go into my room to grab something, come back out into the main rec room, and see my buddy standing infront of the big couch. I'm like, "hey man what are you doin?", and he just lies down on the couch and pulls a blanket over him. I walk over laughing cuz its weird and kick the blanket in. Nobody there. Here the toilet flush and he walks out of the bathroom behind me. This didn't seem at all like I imagined it or anything it was hyper realistic, I was 100% convinced I saw him there.

Happend again a month later in the halls late at night at school. This time only in my pereferal vision, I could see that the whole hall to my left was full of kids drunk and boozing, and i could hear all of em and they were being really rowdy. I turn around to get a better look and... silence. Nobody there.
 
molly897 said:
When you hear voices and experience slight psychosis, short term memory loss and forget what you say mid sentence even sober because of too much MDMA, then I wanna read about it
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true... but slow down before u get to that point.

Soooooo sorry to say this but panic attacks are for girls. .. ITS ALL MENTAL. grab your mind and controlled it. stop being a bitch these are the consequence of doing drugs
 
I have to admit that using mdma for a while has effected how weed makes me feel. I used to smoke almost everyday, I loved it! After getting into E I stopped smoking so much so I could not be so lazy. Now, whenever I smoke I get extremely paranoid. I am not sure why but I have to battle the bad thoughts and sometimes come out on top feeling good but it has become not worth it for me. I am sharing this here since there are similar experiences posted here.... Maybe the paranoia is a reflection of my overall mental health? Note after abusing mdma I developed anxiety but have since improved a great deal. Really the only time I begin to feel that same kind of anxiety is after smoking weed! This is of course frustrating for since it used to be relaxing.:X
 
Monkeybizness, I consider myself one of the most mentally sound people I know. I've seen some things that would scare people for life. I was the one who found my brother when he had past away, full rigor, turned a nice shade of blue. That didn't mess me up at all. So I don't wanna hear panick attacks are for girls because theres only so much you can do when you've induced something like that with drug abuse. Oh yeah, and the COD for my brother was a genetic heart condition, which I'm lead to believe by doctors I don't have myself, but when you smoke too much weed and your heart seems to be beating rather fucking fast, it trips you out a little, you know?
 
Im at work so I cant talk about it but I rolled every weekend for about a year and rolled every other for 2 more years, and it fucked me up so much. You can check out my thread called "I am what you call an etard" because mdma caused me so much depression, anxiety, and overall changed my perception of my life.

Formally a big weed smoker, smoking weed made me go nuts and made my anxiety insane.

I thought I was permantly fucked up, and hated myself for dwelling into mdma.

Well Ive been 6 months clean of any drugs, and have been on lexapro 30 mg, and I can tell you I feel so much better. I feel like my old self again, and I will NEVER do mdma again for a long time. Never had a drug ive abused (ive abused many) have caused so much that mdma did. The drug is so bad for you and anyone thinking this drug wont do anything to you anything is so wrong. My friend barely used and he has barely used.
 
LonE1 said:
Im at work so I cant talk about it but I rolled every weekend for about a year and rolled every other for 2 more years, and it fucked me up so much. You can check out my thread called "I am what you call an etard" because mdma caused me so much depression, anxiety, and overall changed my perception of my life.

Formally a big weed smoker, smoking weed made me go nuts and made my anxiety insane.

I thought I was permantly fucked up, and hated myself for dwelling into mdma.

Well Ive been 6 months clean of any drugs, and have been on lexapro 30 mg, and I can tell you I feel so much better. I feel like my old self again, and I will NEVER do mdma again for a long time. Never had a drug ive abused (ive abused many) have caused so much that mdma did. The drug is so bad for you and anyone thinking this drug wont do anything to you anything is so wrong. My friend barely used and he has barely used.
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I really hate to see this, but I'm sick of people who abused the shit out of MDMA complaining not of their own mistakes, but the evilness of MDMA. MDMA has always been easy for me to use responsibly, and less than 20 minutes on the internet of real research should tell you not to roll every weekend.

It's not that I don't sympathize with your issues, it's that I wish many of you would understand why they are there. Yes, MDMA has dangerous side effects and risks, just like anything. It's not a difficult drug to use responsibly, it requires only willpower and intelligent decision making.

Once again, I'm not making light of your problems, they are serious and damaging, but I also want to say that it is the fault of the user when they experience damage from substance abuse, not the substance. Substances aren't 'evil' or 'good', they simply are what they are.
 
Liquid Sunshine said:
I really hate to see this, but I'm sick of people who abused the shit out of MDMA complaining not of their own mistakes, but the evilness of MDMA. MDMA has always been easy for me to use responsibly, and less than 20 minutes on the internet of real research should tell you not to roll every weekend.

It's not that I don't sympathize with your issues, it's that I wish many of you would understand why they are there. Yes, MDMA has dangerous side effects and risks, just like anything. It's not a difficult drug to use responsibly, it requires only willpower and intelligent decision making.

Once again, I'm not making light of your problems, they are serious and damaging, but I also want to say that it is the fault of the user when they experience damage from substance abuse, not the substance. Substances aren't 'evil' or 'good', they simply are what they are.
Click to expand...

Very well said. :)

I have to add, though, that some people do react negatively to MDMA after only a few doses. It varies from person to person, and there's no "safe" amount, but by taking responsibility and knowing/minimizing the risks you can at least be justly accountable in the end.
 
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