- Joined
- Apr 4, 2006
- Messages
- 19,501
After 3 months of being in purgotory i awake. I have just been realeased from solitary confinment and about the last thing i remember is pissing on a security guard. Im in a room with about 5 other people 2 of which are smoking out the window. I get out of bed and this guy with a thick african french accent greets me. He knows my name. Do you wanna smoke a joint with me he says? Well fuck you don't have to ask me twice. He has some northern lights haze which is fucking excellent. He doesnt know how to roll a joint so i roll it. I learn he is from Rwanda and that his parents fled the genocide. Atleast i have a interesting roomate.
I try and think back to what exactly led up to this moment. I remember being thrown in solitary about 5 or 6 times for fighting with security but thats about it. How can i not remember 3 months of my life? It's fucked. I was completely unmedicated for 3 months up until today. No morphine no clonazepam and no anti-psychotics. Not even lopermimide for wd ffs. My doctor is a sadist. LOn learn she is withholding morphine from another patient as well. Thankfully after flipping out and gettimng into a fight yesterday my brother got me another shrink so im atleast on a anti-psychotic now.
I light up the joint and damn does it feel good. I don't think i smoked much weed when i thought i was dead. Oh well atleast im not dopesick anymore and the benzo wd's are gone. We finish ther joint and just as we are about to go out a nurse walks in without even fucking knocking. How rude i say I smell weed she says. I just walk out and we say we dont know what your talking about. we dicide to order pizza and thank fuck for outside food. I seem to have also have put on quite abit of weight which is distrubing but i can live with that
All there is to do is watch tv. My computer broke before i came in here and i don't have a smartphone so i have nothing to do. they should have a playstation here ffs for somethying to do. bedtime is at 10 but they check in on you with a flashlight every hour so sleep is not really a option. I miss freedom. I miss being able to smoke a joint or a cig in peace,. I miss being able to drink a beer in the middle of the night. I also miss my cat and my gf. One fucked up thing that happens is a few days after i came to i am watching tv and this young chick comes over and grabs me by the dick. It is right in front of everyone but thankfully no nurse is present. Wtf? i say. I quickly get her hand the fuck out of my pants cause this is hardly the time or the place. Goddamn she could have atleast have asked me to go in the bathroom.
Besides that it'd basically wake up at 8, eat breakfast, eat dinner ast noon, eat supper at 5, snack time at 9, then bedtime at 10. In between that it's smoke cigs, smoke weed, order food and run up to the shop if you have privlages to kill the boredom. Im not allowed out yet though which is fucked. My fellow patients all seem cool. One guy knows a guy from my town and constantly talks about when you could get real coke back in the 80's. Talking to the shrink doesent happen often and when it does it'd like talking to someone in another language. We don't seee eye to eye or like each other at all. She's a bitrxh and seems to not like the fact that i know anything about drugs and talksd down to me. My brotheer also hates her.
besides that there is not alot to tell. Sadly i can't remember the first 3 months of my stay really so i can't write about that. If anyone who reads this has ever had cotards syndrome please hot me up. It's a very rare disorder.
I try and think back to what exactly led up to this moment. I remember being thrown in solitary about 5 or 6 times for fighting with security but thats about it. How can i not remember 3 months of my life? It's fucked. I was completely unmedicated for 3 months up until today. No morphine no clonazepam and no anti-psychotics. Not even lopermimide for wd ffs. My doctor is a sadist. LOn learn she is withholding morphine from another patient as well. Thankfully after flipping out and gettimng into a fight yesterday my brother got me another shrink so im atleast on a anti-psychotic now.
I light up the joint and damn does it feel good. I don't think i smoked much weed when i thought i was dead. Oh well atleast im not dopesick anymore and the benzo wd's are gone. We finish ther joint and just as we are about to go out a nurse walks in without even fucking knocking. How rude i say I smell weed she says. I just walk out and we say we dont know what your talking about. we dicide to order pizza and thank fuck for outside food. I seem to have also have put on quite abit of weight which is distrubing but i can live with that
All there is to do is watch tv. My computer broke before i came in here and i don't have a smartphone so i have nothing to do. they should have a playstation here ffs for somethying to do. bedtime is at 10 but they check in on you with a flashlight every hour so sleep is not really a option. I miss freedom. I miss being able to smoke a joint or a cig in peace,. I miss being able to drink a beer in the middle of the night. I also miss my cat and my gf. One fucked up thing that happens is a few days after i came to i am watching tv and this young chick comes over and grabs me by the dick. It is right in front of everyone but thankfully no nurse is present. Wtf? i say. I quickly get her hand the fuck out of my pants cause this is hardly the time or the place. Goddamn she could have atleast have asked me to go in the bathroom.
Besides that it'd basically wake up at 8, eat breakfast, eat dinner ast noon, eat supper at 5, snack time at 9, then bedtime at 10. In between that it's smoke cigs, smoke weed, order food and run up to the shop if you have privlages to kill the boredom. Im not allowed out yet though which is fucked. My fellow patients all seem cool. One guy knows a guy from my town and constantly talks about when you could get real coke back in the 80's. Talking to the shrink doesent happen often and when it does it'd like talking to someone in another language. We don't seee eye to eye or like each other at all. She's a bitrxh and seems to not like the fact that i know anything about drugs and talksd down to me. My brotheer also hates her.
besides that there is not alot to tell. Sadly i can't remember the first 3 months of my stay really so i can't write about that. If anyone who reads this has ever had cotards syndrome please hot me up. It's a very rare disorder.
