The years. They just roll by

I swear I was just there. We where sitting around Mike's kitchen table doing MXE. How the fuck was that 7 years ago? It hurts my heart to think about. All the events in between then and now seem like little windows I should be able to climb in and out of. I feel like they all have a life of their own.

If I could pick one night to relive which one would it be? More importantly who would it be with? I think that's what it took me my entire 20s to figure out. It wasn't about which DJ or band I saw or which drug I took. It was about who I was with. The connection we formed. That feeling in my stomach I get when I think about them.

I'll miss my youth but I won't miss my ignorance. I damn sure won't miss my arogance. Thinking I could control the uncontrollable. Thinking that reading the abstract of a paper online made me an expert on a subject. Realizing I understand less at 30 then I did at 20 is humbling but it's beautiful. Admitting i have no answers and I don't know shit is the hardest thing I've ever done. But denying that truth would be a lie and I'm done with the lies. Especially to myself.

 

I'm plenty older than you and know even less now than I did at your age!

One thing I do know for sure though is this my friend - when you're done with the lying, especially to yourself, is the point where life begins to change for the better

Good luck

 

Reading that made my heart hurt. I feel your pain.

I did some deep thinking a year or so ago, and realized that the women I thought were my best friends aren't. It really hurts. Still.

I miss the connection I thought we had.


Nice blog cj.