• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Positive The Tapering Support Thread v 2.0

I really can't see my pain management doc until Jan. He knows about my condition; and it tends to wax and wane.
He is good for ordering pain meds bu I have CDs to send out to various surgeons. My reprieve was cut short last week.
Im really missing skateboarding; two days of work last week and I twinged my neck; so my month long skate and hedonism tour is over.
it wasn't even skating when I got hurt; it was 16 hours of working as a teacher. I should have just not worked; I feel like I am back at 0.
Where I will have to walk and swim laps for awhile before resuming on the skateboard.
 
Damn Man Hang in there. I know how that is my neck is fucked from a car accident almost 10 years ago. It just started bothering me almost a year ago. My neck muscles tense up so tight and it gives me severe migraines and pain. Ive never seen a pain management doctor maybe i should look into it. My older brother has severe chrons disease and it took him months too even get an appointment then pretty sure he had too wait even longer after that too see him. Dr just ended up giving him pregablin as he said he hates to prescribe opiates and my brother doesnt really like to use them anyways. Have you tried predisone? My girlfriend threw out her back last week and at the walk in clinic the DR told me that he takes predisone for three days every month ans it knocks out any inflammation. Thinking about asking my primary care DR about it. Methadone has a long half life but they say it starts working best after 3 hours from dosing then not long after that it seems too wear off. Chronic pain is the worse. Hope you are back skating again soon!
 
I got my prescription filled two days ago. I’m not seeing it as a way to feel ‘great’ anymore. I’m only using it to stop most of my aches and pains from the Kratom wd’s and to help me sleep. I still have an insane tolerance so I’m taking 8-10 Percocet’s at a time, but last month I was doing it more for fun (and overdoing it unbelievably). I had been telling myself I would be smarter but actually doing more stupid than the month before. I had been going through my pills faster and faster each month, taking larger amounts each time and doing that more times per day than the previous months. I would start by saying I would slow down, then just this once, then one more time, etc.

It took me a year of doing more and more stupid each month. I feel like I might have finally hit my plateau. I’m still on track to run out in a few days but it should be a few days longer than last month. I’m sleeping better than I have in several years (still not great but definitely better). I don’t hate myself for all of this anymore. There’s no question that the pain lead me to use, and the guilt led me to use more. I didn’t want to deal with life today, so tomorrow I will stop…. and tomorrow only came when I ran out of pills. I have failed at absolutely every plan I have made and I only changed because life forced me to.

Today there is no plan. There is no frustration. No fear. No hope. There is only a deep understanding that I can’t go on this way. I had been telling myself that there must be a way to make it all work and get back to using my pills responsibly. Today I just want to have a life, and I recognize that I have been searching for a solution through alcohol, weed, pills, and horrible food for decades. And I’m going broke in the process.

Believe it or not: seeing my bank account and realizing that I’m broke because of fast food led me to eat healthier, and that has led me to stop eating out. I think the food created soooo many physical problems INCLUDING pain, stress insomnia, etc. I think that I have been searching for a solution in a bottle of pills, alcohol, and THC gummies. I have become afraid of the side effects of comfort food like McDonald’s. Not feeling like shit from bad food choices is solving a lot of the problems that I was using my prescription to fix. I’m less miserable at work and I have more energy at home. Feeling like this has made me want to feel better and I know I’ll feel even better when I’m not suffering from the side effects of the pills.

I’m not just a junkie making excuses or promises that I won’t keep. The road is long and the race is endless. I wanted my old life back but that’s just stupid. And trying to get back to being young, strong, and handsome was never going to happen. But I think that I’m getting used to the new future that I can have if I take better care of myself. I’m very grateful for BlueLight. Telling my story and hearing everyone else’s has helped me to not feel alone in the fight. That has definitely helped with the guilt and I have no doubt that guilt has been a huge factor for all of us.
 
And I f’ed it up again. Used it all in 72 hours. Pretty loosery right now but experience has taught me that I’ll be better in a few days.

My biggest problem now is that I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to crawl into a hole and come out when it’s all over. I’m probably lucky to have a job and family or I might go out and find more drugs. I haven’t slept much in the last 4 or 5 days but that’s more because I really hate Monday’s than anything else.

I’ll live, but it never feels like it on days like this.
 
I’m good now. Back to Kratom every day. I know the worst thing to do is sit and stress about my mistakes, but when you’re depressed it’s all you want to do. So I drug my lazy ass out of the house and got some work done, got some sunshine and exercise, and took care of some responsibilities that I had been putting off. It feels much better to be productive, and hard work means better sleep. It’s just hard to think about how much longer it will be when the finish line is nowhere in sight.

Wd’s really feel like an airplane, stuck sitting next to a screaming baby. You think you can handle it until right after the plane takes off. The moment you leave the airport is the exact moment you decide it was a really bad idea…. but you can’t get off the plane anymore. The whole flight feels like an eternity in hell and it will never end. Eventually you prey for mechanical failure and an emergency landing but it never happens. Distractions don’t help and the suffering never ends. But after what seems like a million years the pilot announces that you’re landing and there’s hope. And once you’re off the plane you can see that it wasn’t as bad as you made it to be in your head…. but you swear that you’re going to take a bus when you go back home.

Two days later you get back on the same airline, sitting next to the same screaming child, and ask yourself “What was I thinking”. You promise yourself that next time you’ll vacation somewhere closer that you can just drive to but you forget all of it just enough to book a trip to Hawaii. Crying baby, crappy food, cramped seating… but you don’t care this time because it’s HAWAII!! And then the flight back sucks worse than ever.

Next time you pick somewhere really close to home. Only an hour drive. (That’s alcohol or weed). Way too close to fly so you won’t be tempted. And then the phone rings. A job offer or a death in the family, doesn’t matter but you’re flying again (opiates). It’s easier because you know what to expect this time but that screaming baby is right next to you again. You try to pretend that it was a good trip but you’re lying. You didn’t get the job, you hate your relatives, you lost your passport, etc. It’s a miserable trip and you’re back to your normal life….. and now you’re broke, and broken.

It’s time for me to put on my big-boy pants and stop taking vacations I can’t afford. There would be no screaming baby if I didn’t buy a plane ticket to somewhere that I don’t have money to pay for anyway. Cut up the credit cards and stop thinking that a ‘trip’ will fix my unhappiness.

Sorry. I get a little long-winded sometimes. But it’s still a great metaphor.
 
Squeaky said:
And I f’ed it up again. Used it all in 72 hours. Pretty loosery right now but experience has taught me that I’ll be better in a few days.

My biggest problem now is that I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to crawl into a hole and come out when it’s all over. I’m probably lucky to have a job and family or I might go out and find more drugs. I haven’t slept much in the last 4 or 5 days but that’s more because I really hate Monday’s than anything else.

I’ll live, but it never feels like it on days like this.
Click to expand...
@Squeaky
Hey my friend, I got switched from M.S Contin to Suboxone 3 days ago and I think this is really going to be a good change.
This is a lot better than loperamide or kratom.
I went through hell too, 8 days with no morphine or gabapentin and no doctor will take me due to the morphine prescribed.
So, I had no choice.

But, I have noticed in just 3 days that my back and leg pain is not nearly as bad. Also, my sex drive and appetite are coming back.
I am noticing little things, like I actually feel like getting dressed up and am wearing jewelry again.
I have more energy and want to go do stuff.

I am still getting used to this and we will see but I have hope @Squeaky
Insurance covers Suboxone now and it was not hard to get.

This could work for you.
I am telling you, my doctor showed me how they have my medical chart flagged with a big STOP sign and they are doing that to almost everyone who gets prescribed opiates now.
Unless you have cancer or are like 86....they are going to cut you off.
The medical system is cleaning house right now.
 
Painful One said:
@Squeaky
Hey my friend, I got switched from M.S Contin to Suboxone 3 days ago and I think this is really going to be a good change.
This is a lot better than loperamide or kratom.
I went through hell too, 8 days with no morphine or gabapentin and no doctor will take me due to the morphine prescribed.
So, I had no choice.

But, I have noticed in just 3 days that my back and leg pain is not nearly as bad. Also, my sex drive and appetite are coming back.
I am noticing little things, like I actually feel like getting dressed up and am wearing jewelry again.
I have more energy and want to go do stuff.

I am still getting used to this and we will see but I have hope @Squeaky
Insurance covers Suboxone now and it was not hard to get.

This could work for you.
I am telling you, my doctor showed me how they have my medical chart flagged with a big STOP sign and they are doing that to almost everyone who gets prescribed opiates now.
Unless you have cancer or are like 86....they are going to cut you off.
The medical system is cleaning house right now.
Click to expand...
I considered Suboxone a long time ago. I decided against it mainly because it’s a life sentence (as if my current plan was going better…) It’s an opiate with an incredibly long half-life and basically renders other opiates useless, but that also sounds like my current situation. Currently the main reason I’m not switching to it is that I would have to go into their database as an addict. I have enough ’pre-existing conditions’ already and I really don’t want to be cut off forever.

I watched a great documentary series about the opioid epidemic on Amazon called “Dopesick” with Micheal Keaton. He’s a Dr who got hooked on Oxy. He used suboxone to get off the oxy, but still couldn’t get his medical license back until he was off subs too.

I’m still in a bit of denial. In my mind I’ll one day be able to use my prescription to ‘spot-treat’ my pain. If I didn’t have Kratom I would probably be on subs. For now I’m good.

Thank God it’s working for you P.O. Congratulations!
 
I hope it will work @Squeaky
It is my only choice right now.
Seems to be working pretty good though.
I am pretty amazed.
I don’t feel great or anything. This is a rough transition.
But, I could feel a lot worse and I actually feel better in a lot of ways.

Pray for me friends.
🙏
 
Painful One said:
I hope it will work @Squeaky
It is my only choice right now.
Seems to be working pretty good though.
I am pretty amazed.
I don’t feel great or anything. This is a rough transition.
But, I could feel a lot worse and I actually feel better in a lot of ways.

Pray for me friends.
🙏
Click to expand...
Something I have noticed, or figured out: We can’t possibly be perfectly happy all of the time. ‘Good’ only exists as a contrast to ‘Bad’. How would I know if I had a good night sleep if I never had a bad one? How could I know that my parents sucked except that I have met parents that were really great? It doesn’t matter what I’m using my drug of choice to escape… if it makes me happy all of the time, then how could I possibly even remember what happiness is? Pills make happiness, so not having them = misery.

If I can’t find a way to deal with ALL of my pain without drugs then I’ll be an addict forever.
 
My pain level is WAY lower @Squeaky
I can go do things now!
I am planning a trip to Vegas right now.
I feel better.

You really might want to just try these.
See if it is better.

I can feel again.
Just normal , everyday things.
Things I had been missing for a long time.
 
Last edited:
My family is cheering me on!
They are saying that they are noticing big improvements.

It is nice to have them being proud of me.
I feel proud of myself.

I have been reading up on suboxone and it allows your brain to recover.
While keeping you comfortable.
After using opiates for so many years, it changes your brain.
It has been amazing for me.
I highly recommend to everyone suffering with addiction or chronic pain, depression, to give this suboxone route a try.
I am so blown away by the results.
 
AlphaMethylPhenyl said:
^really, very happy for you!

This taper has been hell for me, tbh, though. Even the same dose every 48 hours is much more difficult to cope with than every 36 hours. Any personal tips? Maybe I'm thinking too much of ideals, as opposed to pragmatism.
Click to expand...
48 hour dosing means you’ll be in wd every two days, and it will suck the same each time you lower your dose. It might be better to go back to a schedule that involves more frequent doses, but lower amounts each time. If you think about it…. taking one large dose once per month wouldn’t be much of a tapering plan. Maybe one large dose every two days isn’t much better. Generally a solid tapering plan involves maintaining your blood concentration at something close to ‘consistent’, and then slowly lowering the dose over time. You should feel a little crappy most of the time whenever you lower your dose, and then get used to the new lower dose over time.

The way you’re going right now might be mimicking a junkie who only gets their drugs every other day, and stopping you from benefiting from a good taper schedule.
 
Painful One said:
My family is cheering me on!
They are saying that they are noticing big improvements.

It is nice to have them being proud of me.
I feel proud of myself.

I have been reading up on suboxone and it allows your brain to recover.
While keeping you comfortable.
After using opiates for so many years, it changes your brain.
It has been amazing for me.
I highly recommend to everyone suffering with addiction or chronic pain, depression, to give this suboxone route a try.
I am so blown away by the results.
Click to expand...
Stick with it P.O.! It sounds like a real solution for you finally. Getting away from the ‘fun’ prescriptions sort of got me my life back too. I couldn’t see what the problem was when I was on them, and it seems I was the only person in my life who couldn’t. I never really told anybody what I had changed except that I had started relying on Kratom instead of oxy. But I’m definitely more present in my life now.

Keep it up and don’t look back. I think you’ll find that your previous prescriptions were causing you a lot of the problems that you were taking them to solve.
 
Squeaky said:
Stick with it P.O.! It sounds like a real solution for you finally. Getting away from the ‘fun’ prescriptions sort of got me my life back too. I couldn’t see what the problem was when I was on them, and it seems I was the only person in my life who couldn’t. I never really told anybody what I had changed except that I had started relying on Kratom instead of oxy. But I’m definitely more present in my life now.

Keep it up and don’t look back. I think you’ll find that your previous prescriptions were causing you a lot of the problems that you were taking them to solve.
Click to expand...
Thank you @Squeaky
Finally got a full night sleep! I did wake up quite often but I was able to go back to sleep after I re-dosed and used some of the anti-nausea medicine that the doctor gave me yesterday.

My doctor did change me to subutex instead of suboxone, due to the migraine headache issue.
It does seem to be helping with the headaches to be switched to just Buprenorphine.
Thank you guys for that piece of advise!

I am just blown away @Squeaky that the back pain and left leg pain is really just gone, all that heavy pain that I was taking Morphine for, is just gone!
I can do things way more easily now and I CAN DO THINGS!
I am already planning a vacation.
I have a lot of time to make up for!

Yup @Squeaky , you were right about switching and the fact that you had done so and said it was better, made me start to think about it in the first place.
I am proud of you for also making a huge leap forward my friend.
You did it!

Well done my friend, well done.
Happy Thanksgiving to you.
Enjoy your day with loved ones.
 
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Get out there and Celebrate!
Fuck it, if you have family that is shitty to you (I have those ones too, but I am going to face them!)
Don’t let them spoil your holiday.
People with little minds, hearts, and souls they are.

YOU, yes you, can get back to a good place.
If I was able to, you can also.
Keep going everyone.
 
That is awesome that the subs are helping you so much! Subxone was the first Medical assisted treatment i tried. I was on it for years and had over a year or clean time but would screw up & sell my script too get dope. Then switched too methadone treatment had over a year clean on that & started tapering off and i tapered too fast and it caused me to relapse. Have been trying too get back on the right track but the double habit is one of the most difficult things i have ever encountered. Need too get back too where i was.. Happy without having too put a chemical in my body too be normal and not fucked in the head depressed. Making the right steps forward too get back too where i was. Atleast i realize it and kno what i have too work on and fix. Happy thanksgiving guys!! Hang in there!! We are worth it and deserve too live happy and healthy lives!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top