The struggle is REAL!!!! Y do i continue to self destruct???

[WasteLand Warrior]

Ok im a 30 yr old female living in Cleveland and if u don't know Herion is HUGE out here n pretty cheap and pretty fucking potent! it's just as easy to cop boi if not easier than copping weed! so i've been doing IV heroin since i was 18 thats my WHOLE adult life!! All i know is dope! It's like i don't know how to have a normal conversation with a "Normal" person! unless ur a dope boy or a junkie or someone who is in recovery i don't know anything else to talk about!! So i quit 2 jobs in a matter of a week this week cuz of dope im sick of my life actually i hate it!! ive dug myself so deep soooooo many times ive been to prison once county jail to many times to count rehab a ton of times and ill clean up for a while life will get better but im never truly happy!! im not happy with dope and im not happy without dope!! somethings gotta give!! i really wanna get my life together but its seems impossible!! well my job i quit a week ago wants to hire me back starting monday!! I'm a cook and its a super physically demanding job and today is day 2 of my kick and yesterday i took a half a sub and a handful of lopermide and was'nt that bad well that was my last sub so today i only took a handful of lopermide so im expecting the worse!! well monday is only 2 days away how am i supposed to function and perform at work?? i gues ill just have to put my big girl panties on and suck it up and like NIKE says just do it!!! well i usually kick cuz i run out of money i make a decent living there should b no reason im literally counting change!!! im sick of living like this but im scared ass soon as i get my check ill b dialing my trusty D boy!! so i guess what im asking for is support cause i don't have anyone to relate to or talk to out here!!! so please anybody who can relate or give some words of encouragement would greatly b appreciated!! also i don't have medical insurance so getting xanax or klonipin is impossible for me!! so what over the counter meds will help alleviate wd's and make work bearable?? ive read lopermide helps im not a believer yet its no suboxone!! but i know alot of this is mental!! y do i continue to go back to dope and lose everything ive worked so hard for?? i really wanna stop but its sooooooooooooooo hard! how do people overcome this i can't seem to let it go!!! thanks in advance for all the feedback!! sending love and positive vibes to the blue light fam!!!!!

 

[Runtoparadise]

I feel for you. Though iv never done dope I have a massive struggle with oxy.

There will be others along to help you, but in the mean time, (I'm writing from my phone & don't know how to post links), check out the opiate withdrawal megathread for OTC meds that can help you.

Do you or any of your contacts have pregabalin (lyrica)? Not that I'd really recommend that on picking up on your old job. Lope really is great for the physical GI wd symptoms, though I wouldn't bother dosing mega high,-,just normalish mgs will be fine,

Best of luck

Rtp

 

[dognasher]

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. They say it takes a full year of being clean for the brain to reach a balance that is comparable to what it was before you started using. I used drugs since I was a teen too, and I fully believe that they precipitated most of the anxiety and depression issues I have today.

Try to be patient with yourself, and maybe see this kick for what it is - a huge hassle that really makes the dope habit not worth it. I am a recovering heroin and cocaine addict and I know how dope can beckon you when you're trying to stay clean. Maybe if you have to, tell your work that you are having health issues and use this time to try and make it your last kick?

I don't know how it is where you live, but could you go to a walk in clinic and at least get some clonidine? I can't take benzos (was addicted to those too) but clonidine did wonders for me whenever I would kick.

Also, a lot of dealers I used would sell xanax or other benzos on the street since it potentiates heroin. Not suggesting you do that, but maybe somebody's holding and you just don't know it?

This is all in the withdrawal megathread, but if it's legal in your state, Kratom can relieve almost all of your symptoms almost as well as the subs, but you have to make sure to not take it for more than a few days. It really helped me on a lot of kicks. Made them totally bearable.

Just food for thought. Good luck. Remember that this is the last time you have to go through this, if you really are sick of it.

It does get better. It just takes patience, something us junkies are NOT good at!

 

[Dil4]

Sending some love your way, Warrior. As you say, the struggle sure is fucking real.

Never had a dope habit but have struggled for years with hydromorph and fent. I'm finally ready to throw in the towel for real this time and am kicking the shit for good.

My first piece of advice would be to rid yourself of any contacts or connections for dope. Delete them from your phone. That can be hard as hell and during WD you want to do anything to find them again, but you can beat those fucking demons in your head straight back to the firey chasms of hell where they belong.

You got this.



-D

 

[nygiants1313]

Ok im a 30 yr old female living in Cleveland and if u don't know Herion is HUGE out here n pretty cheap and pretty fucking potent! it's just as easy to cop boi if not easier than copping weed! so i've been doing IV heroin since i was 18 thats my WHOLE adult life!! All i know is dope! It's like i don't know how to have a normal conversation with a "Normal" person! unless ur a dope boy or a junkie or someone who is in recovery i don't know anything else to talk about!! So i quit 2 jobs in a matter of a week this week cuz of dope im sick of my life actually i hate it!! ive dug myself so deep soooooo many times ive been to prison once county jail to many times to count rehab a ton of times and ill clean up for a while life will get better but im never truly happy!! im not happy with dope and im not happy without dope!! somethings gotta give!! i really wanna get my life together but its seems impossible!! well my job i quit a week ago wants to hire me back starting monday!! I'm a cook and its a super physically demanding job and today is day 2 of my kick and yesterday i took a half a sub and a handful of lopermide and was'nt that bad well that was my last sub so today i only took a handful of lopermide so im expecting the worse!! well monday is only 2 days away how am i supposed to function and perform at work?? i gues ill just have to put my big girl panties on and suck it up and like NIKE says just do it!!! well i usually kick cuz i run out of money i make a decent living there should b no reason im literally counting change!!! im sick of living like this but im scared ass soon as i get my check ill b dialing my trusty D boy!! so i guess what im asking for is support cause i don't have anyone to relate to or talk to out here!!! so please anybody who can relate or give some words of encouragement would greatly b appreciated!! also i don't have medical insurance so getting xanax or klonipin is impossible for me!! so what over the counter meds will help alleviate wd's and make work bearable?? ive read lopermide helps im not a believer yet its no suboxone!! but i know alot of this is mental!! y do i continue to go back to dope and lose everything ive worked so hard for?? i really wanna stop but its sooooooooooooooo hard! how do people overcome this i can't seem to let it go!!! thanks in advance for all the feedback!! sending love and positive vibes to the blue light fam!!!!!

is it possible to ask your employer if you can start 1 week later? I've done the cold turkey IV dope withdrawals on a family vacation. I couldn't imagine the 2nd or 3rd day going to work. these were deff gnarly withdrawals as well. I'd find a way to either get shyt, and eventually take off a week of work and get though it, or extend your start date a week later, and hope or the best. Because more then likely no offense you will go crazy and lose the job for good, or who knows what. At least lets be honest with ourselves and create a plan for the most successful way possible.