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The science and technology jokes thread...

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an atom is walking down the street. he says to his friend "shit! i've lost an electron". the friend says "are you sure?". the atom says "yep - i'm positive!"

You mean a Hydrogen Atom obviously! ;)
 
Now whos got the insomnia


I am a chemist, so no programming jokes, Im afraid!

Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel:

Fe - Fe
/ \
Fe Fe
\ /
Fe - Fe

What is the chemical symbol for diarrhea?
(CO(NH2)2)2

C6H10: It takes alkynes to make a world.

An electron sitting in a prison asked a second electron cellmate, "What are you in for?" To which the latter replied, "For attempting a forbidden transition."


At the end of the semester, a 10th-grade chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, "Never lick the spoon."



A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guest's joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.



A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the ice. The Bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through"


When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" the typcial response is "C over lamda."

What do dipoles say in passing? "Have you got a moment?"


What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.



Two chemists met for the first time at a symposium. One was American, the other was British.

"So what do you do for research?" asked the British chemist.
"I work with arsoles," replied the American.
"Yes, sometimes my colleagues annoy me too," said the British chemist.

Why can't lawyers do NMR?
Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.




A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalic acid.
The pharmacist replies, "You mean asprin?"
The chemist answers, "That's it... I can never remember that word."
 
Well done Beanhead! I got a kick out of them all, but I love the ferrous wheel! I'll have to try that one out at work sometime.
 
What did Pavlov do after his dog died?

For two weeks he went on feeding it at five o'clock sharp.
 
at first i didn't get it. but i dont see her turning blue (with text) or falling to her death :p maybe its a piece of art i should be familiar with
 
Since this forum also gets the 'forum' type questions....
How many forum members to change a light bulb?

* Only 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

* 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

* 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

* 1 to move it to the Lighting section

* 2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

* 7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

* 5 to flame the spell checkers

* 3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

* 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

* 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

* 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

* 19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

* 11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

* 36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

* 7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

* 4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

* 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

* 13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

* 5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

* 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

* 13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

* 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
 
Why think they're not? For each one there is a description explaining why they got such a name, most of them are not the actual namesbut alternaive names.
You can find many of those on wikipedia.
 
Why think they're not? For each one there is a description explaining why they got such a name, most of them are not the actual namesbut alternaive names.
You can find many of those on wikipedia.

Seriously?
I believe they were real for awhile but eventually I started to think the whole page was a joke. I stand corrected.
 
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