What is meth anyway? So many chemical names start with 'meth' and i have had plenty of drug experiences so that's why I prefer to call methamphetamine 'P' or 'crack' rather than 'meth'.
In America, for instance, 'meth' is short for either...well methamphetamine, yes...or methadone.
Here I want to get into how I became a methadone addict.
We don't call methadone 'meth' here. We call it 'done.
You're pretty much a junkie thats done the rounds if you end up on 'done.
I always swore I'd never go on the methadone program. Heard too many horror stories.
I kicked heroin/homebake/whatever opioid I happened to be using at the time a million times before turning to methadone.
I would either kick on my own or if the habit got bad enough all I had to do was get a bed in fucking detox and they'd get me off the junk (and whatever else I happened to be using at the time) in two weeks with the Magic Suboxone.
It wasn't till last time when I ended up with a heavy china habit like I'd never had before and the options were either
-stay in detox for a fucking month starting from 32mg suboxone...on the promise that was the last time detox saw my face as far as my 'opiate issue' went (they didn't really have the funding to keep me in that long anyway so I would have possibly had to do 2 weeks home detox with a nurse visitting daily to administer the suboxone, plus meds for the P addiction I was also fighting)
-stay in detox for 2 weeks and go onto suboxone or methadone maintenance.
I chose suboxone maintenance but long-term bupe made my ADHD worse - and the dose I needed was too expensive for our family. It was methadone or nothing.
I blindly chose methadone. Why the fuck not? Of course I was going to relapse. I'm. An. Addict.
Also got to back up and understand exactly why I'd dug such a deep hole this time.
May and I had both relapsed on P and May was dating Chris, who was my old coke/opes dealer for awhile. Chris had joined a bikie gang. May had moved into druggie heaven.
Chris' gang are renowned for two things:
-VERY GOOD CRACK
-VERY GOOD SMACK
Smack is rare in New Zealand...but if you know the 'high up there' members of this gang, like Chris' dad, you can get not just smack...you can get china white. It's always 'who you know'...
Shortly after relapsing on P, I also developed rebound withdrawals from the clonazepam I was taking for my epilepsy. You could say I was perpetually strung-out.
So as I switched to diazepam, I started doing my old dodgy codeine extractions, cooking homebake and all that jazz. Shit I even swallowed at least a gram of codeine phosphate (before giving into the old homebake urge) daily for awhile. At one point I didn't shit for nearly a month. Then I ran out of pills for one night, slammed some P (good old P) and shat enough to last that month, if not two more...I didn't know I had so much shit in me.
I went to Chris when the homebake stopped working. Chris' drug of choice is not methamphetamine (to May's disgust) - it's oxycodone.
When I turned up, rattling on their doorstep, May came to the door ready for a sesh but I was so strung-out she just rolled her eyes at Chris who was doing lines of oxy off the glass table.
After I'd had a couple of lines myself, shot a bit more and scored plenty to take home....shit I relaxed.
Oxycodone's kind-of a 'semi-stimulant' opioid for me - on it, I feel quite productive, yet relaxed...a bit the way I feel on a low dose of amphetamine.
After getting my fix, I smoked a couple of grams of crack (my other fix) with them and we talked into the night, then May drove me home.
For a good month I fucked Chris for oxy. May's not stupid. She knew. But I guess she was fucking so many guys for crack what did it matter what I did with Chris?
Then oneday my oxy wonderland came to a smashing halt. Chris couldn't get any for a week...he just actually took the methadone he was supposedly taking (he dosed at the clinic twice a week and got takeaways but otherwise just sold 'done along with everything else).
I had unbearable withdrawals. I mean, fuck, valium made me sick enough without being dope-sick. So Chris gave me one contact I wish I'd never met.....his dad.
Next thing you know I'm meeting this dodgy member of a biker gang in an alley near Wesley nightly for bundles of heroin. I just had to suck his cock or even let him get inside me plus give him a bit of cash and I got what I wanted...I should have known that was too good to be true!
I got pretty sick on heroin. Didn't eat...didn't shower.....didn't even change my clothes.
Methamphetamine became my 'wake-up' hit, rather than my drug of choice. Suddenly I preferred heroin - I had never had stuff of that purity before.
I was only on it for about 3 weeks in the end before that came to a crashing halt though. One night I was gang-raped by that gang - 30 or 40 of them at once pretty much. That was when I decided I had to kick heroin. Again.
Methadone works for me. I pick up my dose three times a week and dose twice a day. I admit I have a psychological addiction to the dreaded stuff. It's a love-hate relationship - I panic if I don't dose at the exact time I like to dose! It tastes like liquid P yet feels like nothing except for 'bye-bye urge to shoot heroin'. After all, it is synthetic heroin.
I'm heading towards 200mg and I'm still not stabilised. Am I surprised? No. I was on 3gms of china a day plus 40mg valium (which apparently abates opioid withdrawals). I have to put up the dose at least 5mg every time I drop 1mg valium.
It's a wonder I'm still alive. Maybe its because of methadone.
In America, for instance, 'meth' is short for either...well methamphetamine, yes...or methadone.
Here I want to get into how I became a methadone addict.
We don't call methadone 'meth' here. We call it 'done.
You're pretty much a junkie thats done the rounds if you end up on 'done.
I always swore I'd never go on the methadone program. Heard too many horror stories.
I kicked heroin/homebake/whatever opioid I happened to be using at the time a million times before turning to methadone.
I would either kick on my own or if the habit got bad enough all I had to do was get a bed in fucking detox and they'd get me off the junk (and whatever else I happened to be using at the time) in two weeks with the Magic Suboxone.
It wasn't till last time when I ended up with a heavy china habit like I'd never had before and the options were either
-stay in detox for a fucking month starting from 32mg suboxone...on the promise that was the last time detox saw my face as far as my 'opiate issue' went (they didn't really have the funding to keep me in that long anyway so I would have possibly had to do 2 weeks home detox with a nurse visitting daily to administer the suboxone, plus meds for the P addiction I was also fighting)
-stay in detox for 2 weeks and go onto suboxone or methadone maintenance.
I chose suboxone maintenance but long-term bupe made my ADHD worse - and the dose I needed was too expensive for our family. It was methadone or nothing.
I blindly chose methadone. Why the fuck not? Of course I was going to relapse. I'm. An. Addict.
Also got to back up and understand exactly why I'd dug such a deep hole this time.
May and I had both relapsed on P and May was dating Chris, who was my old coke/opes dealer for awhile. Chris had joined a bikie gang. May had moved into druggie heaven.
Chris' gang are renowned for two things:
-VERY GOOD CRACK
-VERY GOOD SMACK
Smack is rare in New Zealand...but if you know the 'high up there' members of this gang, like Chris' dad, you can get not just smack...you can get china white. It's always 'who you know'...
Shortly after relapsing on P, I also developed rebound withdrawals from the clonazepam I was taking for my epilepsy. You could say I was perpetually strung-out.
So as I switched to diazepam, I started doing my old dodgy codeine extractions, cooking homebake and all that jazz. Shit I even swallowed at least a gram of codeine phosphate (before giving into the old homebake urge) daily for awhile. At one point I didn't shit for nearly a month. Then I ran out of pills for one night, slammed some P (good old P) and shat enough to last that month, if not two more...I didn't know I had so much shit in me.
I went to Chris when the homebake stopped working. Chris' drug of choice is not methamphetamine (to May's disgust) - it's oxycodone.
When I turned up, rattling on their doorstep, May came to the door ready for a sesh but I was so strung-out she just rolled her eyes at Chris who was doing lines of oxy off the glass table.
After I'd had a couple of lines myself, shot a bit more and scored plenty to take home....shit I relaxed.
Oxycodone's kind-of a 'semi-stimulant' opioid for me - on it, I feel quite productive, yet relaxed...a bit the way I feel on a low dose of amphetamine.
After getting my fix, I smoked a couple of grams of crack (my other fix) with them and we talked into the night, then May drove me home.
For a good month I fucked Chris for oxy. May's not stupid. She knew. But I guess she was fucking so many guys for crack what did it matter what I did with Chris?
Then oneday my oxy wonderland came to a smashing halt. Chris couldn't get any for a week...he just actually took the methadone he was supposedly taking (he dosed at the clinic twice a week and got takeaways but otherwise just sold 'done along with everything else).
I had unbearable withdrawals. I mean, fuck, valium made me sick enough without being dope-sick. So Chris gave me one contact I wish I'd never met.....his dad.
Next thing you know I'm meeting this dodgy member of a biker gang in an alley near Wesley nightly for bundles of heroin. I just had to suck his cock or even let him get inside me plus give him a bit of cash and I got what I wanted...I should have known that was too good to be true!
I got pretty sick on heroin. Didn't eat...didn't shower.....didn't even change my clothes.
Methamphetamine became my 'wake-up' hit, rather than my drug of choice. Suddenly I preferred heroin - I had never had stuff of that purity before.
I was only on it for about 3 weeks in the end before that came to a crashing halt though. One night I was gang-raped by that gang - 30 or 40 of them at once pretty much. That was when I decided I had to kick heroin. Again.
Methadone works for me. I pick up my dose three times a week and dose twice a day. I admit I have a psychological addiction to the dreaded stuff. It's a love-hate relationship - I panic if I don't dose at the exact time I like to dose! It tastes like liquid P yet feels like nothing except for 'bye-bye urge to shoot heroin'. After all, it is synthetic heroin.
I'm heading towards 200mg and I'm still not stabilised. Am I surprised? No. I was on 3gms of china a day plus 40mg valium (which apparently abates opioid withdrawals). I have to put up the dose at least 5mg every time I drop 1mg valium.
It's a wonder I'm still alive. Maybe its because of methadone.
) and im really happy