The nervous problem

[Domicrow]

So I've been interested in psychedelics for as long as I can remember, about a year ago I first bought some hawaiian baby woodrose seeds which I had some enjoyable and interesting experiences with, more recently I have been using 1P LSD with even better results.

I have only taken what I consider to be quite low doses (5 seeds and 75mcg 1P LSD being my highest respectively) the problem is I very much want to do more to really get into it but I always get put off when I notice that terrible nervousness that comes with tripping, the paranoia that I'm about to drive myself insane.

Now I may be wrong, and I hope I am but I seem to think that higher doses will increase the intensity of this feeling which is always like a big scary dark shadow over every trip, and I don't know that I can handle that as I am.

I'm sure I could just drink or whatever to get past this feeling but that's not what I need, no short term solutions. This is what I want to find out about in my life. On the one hand I fancy myself the next Terence McKenna but on the other I'm so fucking terrified. Is this just part of the game? Can I get past this? Am I just too much of a good little citizen to handle tripping? I don't know... I hope someone can relate to this from their own experience because this is a huge problem for me. Peace and love

 

[perpetualdawn]

Do you have mental health issues?
How old are you?
Do you have somewhere safe to trip? Sounds like you might benefit from tripping with a sitter, or someone more experienced.

You don't have to answer out loud. But you can if you want!

Remember that - no matter what and no matter how strange things get while you're tripping, you WILL come back down again, and you WILL return to "normal" - albeit with a completely new experience under your belt. Once you have that knowledge firmly implanted in your brain, that can help with a lot of the anxiety. If you're finding it hard to accept that, don't take my word for it, read up on the scientific literature until you can make up your own mind up whether or not tripping will drive you insane.

It sounds like you're really drawn to check out psychedelics, but you have some challenges in front of you in order to let go and get into it. I think you might be taking the whole thing a bit too seriously really. You're not the next Terence McKenna, and drugs aren't going to open your mind into some kind of higher existence

Personally I don't recommend using booze or benzos to get over this stuff, they do take the edge off (well I can't speak from personal experience on benzos) but the edge is kind of the whole point if you ask me.

 

[CrypticArc]

I remember when I was in your exact position. I don't like lower doses of psychedelics because of this. It almost feels like I've got one foot in the astral plane and the rest of me is stuck in the real world, which makes me really anxious. Higher doses actually give me less anxiety oddly enough, almost as if I've been pushed past that anxious state into a much more exalted place, from which there is no need to worry. Also on higher doses, I get so high that the negative side effects become less noticeable. My sweet spot is 300ug of LSD, but yours may be different, as I have been tripping for a long time. Try doubling up on your doses and see what happens. Just try to have a xanax or a valium around, because in case your trip starts going south, most times you can steer yourself clear of the storm if you are on benzos.

I've known people who have taken a hundred hits of acid and they were fine. There is little to no risk of driving yourself insane unless there is a history of schizophrenia in your family.

 

[Erikmen]

I believe everyone is different, specially when we speak about psychedelics because for me it depends on the ambient, how relaxed I am and who I'm going to do this with.

If things are not in a good setting, and if I would need for once pretend I'd not high I know I'd run into bad tripping and that's one bad experience viewing it from this perspective.

I believe your first questions and your comment right after tells a lot about dosing it higher or keeping it low.

Like it was said by perpetual; You don't have to answer out loud. But you can if you want!

 

[Domicrow]

Wow thanks for replying so quick guys, I do have a history of anxiety problems and that kind of silly stuff, I'm late teens and have a reasonably comfortable place to trip.

I think the problem is just convincing myself that I will be fine because I have been looking into this long enough to know that I don't really have anything to worry about but some part of me refuses to accept that. I probably should've mentioned I'm a daily cannabis smoker.

I know I can't keep doing what I'm doing so at some point I have to either decide to take the plunge or just forget the whole thing.

I don't want to waste your time by turning this into an online psychotherapy free for all so I'll try to contain myself.

 

[perpetualdawn]

If you are in your late teens and feel really nervous about this, I say you should listen to that nervousness and postpone diving into psychedelics. The more-or-less consensus around here is that you shouldn't really trip until you get to your 20s or so.

We do hear from teens who have had problems from psychedelics from time to time.

There's no rush, you've got a long life ahead of you, wait till you feel ready, comfortable, and your brain isn't developing so much!

 

[Domicrow]

See, I know that's the most intelligent way to look at this, but I already feel like I've been waiting for a long time. Even if I stop immediately afterwards for a few years I need to do this before much longer, at least once. Problem is I never took any steps towards overcoming fears even as a child. It's just not a skill I have learned and learning that skill in a psychedelic state of mind is probably a bad idea.

 

[Solipsis]

What is the big hurry? Curiosity? Can you not try refocusing your curiosity on other things for a while until you are more ready?

If you have fears regarding relinquishing control (which would leave your ego vulnerable / everything you think and feel about yourself and life, which would give you fear of going insane or dying, all of which are common), you might want to look into meditation and learn to let go of that feeling of control, the skill is to have faith - not the religious kind but just the trust that it is safe to do so going in (since you know it is safe if you think about it rationally) and that should be enough to keep surfing on.

Deep meditation has so many things in common with tripping that this would be the practice you can use to also develop while tripping. If you can later on manage to meditate on low doses of psychedelics (this can really potentiate how deep you go, fast!) then you should be able to make yourself ready for more at some point later on.

Don't force it, that can be hellish agony if you get 'dragged along' and are unable to let go and feel forced to. I still went through a lot of that even after I was about 19-20 (I did not trip before then), but at least I was a pretty integrated individual with developed personality before my whole self came into question.
It is all fascinating and important and can contribute to self-development (if you have the proper basis first!) but tripping can also really complicate matters especially if you make something important out of it. I am GLAD that I did not start with heavier drugs or psychedelics at a younger age. I did dabble in the more minor stuff.

Trust me, there will be plenty of time for all this in the future and you do not want to start going deep prematurely. Even though you waited already - I appreciate that I do - you are still not mature in that adolescent sense. Plenty of us think / thought we are / were.

Find something to preoccupy yourself for the time being, if drugs some subtle beginner stuff, or better for now of course something else than drugs.

 

[xammy]

I tell you something, the anxiety to take psychedelics never go fully way and it shouldn't. They're not toys you can take whenever, they need preparation. I still feel some anxiety when taking them even though I have taken breakthrough doses, it's just the way they are. I recommend waiting until you are 20 at least, people who have started young seem to encounter more problems.

 

[Domicrow]

Solipsis, thank you for all that, I have often wanted to practice meditation ever since I.heard about the Beatles going to India. I have attempted it before but I actually encounter a similar problem, I don't seem to be able to let go. Like something is fighting it, not consciously but like I'm anchored down somewhere I can't see.

I feel as though the ship regarding my developing brain has sailed since I became a daily cannabis smoker at 14.

Time passes so slowly when waiting for something, time passes slowly when you're lost in a dream.

And xammy, I suppose it makes sense that some anxiety should be a part of the experience but for me if it hasn't dissipated by the time I have come up it can make for an uncomfortable ride.

 

[Solipsis]

No, the comeup anxiety doesn't really go away like magic though it becomes a lot less once you get used to tripping (again), for unexperienced people or if you took a long break... it feels like unfamiliar territory (again) and the novelty is a more intense treat, to match it or even compensate.
Regardless of anxiety we should be conscientious about tripping and respect what we are doing - they are not toys. I agree.. But that doesn't seem to be the issue here..

Daily cannabis smoking has it's own issues by the way, some people who are genetically predisposed especially, run real risks of psychosis from smoking cannabis (a lot of it moreso) at a young age. It was scientifically shown not that long ago. Also it can play a role in some disturbed or slowed development I *think*.
Despite that, no ship has sailed... what we are talking about here taking the mind for a spin, that is even a different issue than brain development or general mental health.. It has more to do with personal / individual development or spiritual / existential development. What it means to exist and what place that gives you in the world, ideas about that develop from teen, esp late teen but mostly during adolescence and later till 25-30 and then it does not stop - it never does. But directions are more integrated at that point.

If smoking cannabis that much has a slowing effect on your brain development by the way - you imply at least something with the ship sailing - if anything that is actually an argument for waiting longer with psychedelics than the average person because you may take more time for that basis development to complete before you go and mess around with it.

About meditation and the Beatles etc: I wouldn't exactly idealize going to ashrams there to find yourself or anything, it can be pretty vague business and while I think it can augment an already stable 'spiritual' development I think there are plenty of risks involved with putting your trust in say the hands of a guru or psychedelic when you don't feel like you can find answers to questions yourself. Because too many people are deluded having unhealthy ideas about (premature!) enlightenment, and it is generally a crisis type of place to be in if you need the answers that badly. (I speak from experience) It also makes you give up scepticism way too easily, another trap.

The feeling anchored during meditation is kind of normal, it does take quite a while for plenty of people to overcome such a thing since it can be deep rooted in fears of dying. The salvation lies in acceptance most of the time, which allows you to not hold on too much to things you will eventually lose anyway, but not immediately either. Don't expect to accept your fatality at such a young age, it would be pretty unusual / abnormal even.
Also the fact that you ultimately cannot control everything can be scary to people, learning to find a way to balance the chaos and the implications of life that is all part of it. At this point, just deal with it by getting life experience in general, I promise that is plenty for now. There is no point in worrying about being too late for something, way too early.

I personally found Zen meditation groups to be decent, although socially a bit meehhh, but retreats have been very special for me. I don't recommend religion whatsoever, on the contrary, but meditation practice combined with learning about philosophy and mysticism some more... that can be a good basis. Capitalize on that I guess...

It is a lot of you to ask to be patient, but just distract yourself by reading trip reports and good books on the things I mentioned - that would be smart preparation if you are committed to tripping in what is actually just a number of years (until you're 20 or so). You really don't wanna ruin anything by being impatient and run risks of overcomplicating your life at a young age while at the same time making it difficult to continue experimenting responsibly with psychedelics. If you make the right choices for now, you can maximize chances for it to actually be worthwhile on the long run!

Ive been around for a while and comparing people who did the smart thing and were patient, for example to wait on an accurage milligram scale to come before trying potent synthetic substances - and did their homework, and how that usually pays off, with people who make stupid and impatient mistakes and suffer short on long term consequences... I'd really recommend that you be wise about it.

Here is our centralized thread on tripping & anxiety:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=368102

And psychedelics & age:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=189080

 

[Erikmen]

^ Very informative and useful.

If you are in your late teens and feel really nervous about this, I say you should listen to that nervousness and postpone diving into psychedelics. The more-or-less consensus around here is that you shouldn't really trip until you get to your 20s or so.

We do hear from teens who have had problems from psychedelics from time to time.

There's no rush, you've got a long life ahead of you, wait till you feel ready, comfortable, and your brain isn't developing so much!

This!

 

[Nexus_Tripper]

Your age does not matter. I don't know how it would work with a drug addiction, though.