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Misc The (LOPERAMIDE) diaries...

To me it seems like you only have 2 options. Go back to rehab and stay until you are no longer in withdrawal. So at least 60 days. Or get on sub or merhadone. My personal opinion is that methadone is going to be your best bet. I almost lost my life to opiates before I got on methadone. To be honest it doesn't sound like sober housing is really helping you very much. Time to try something else.
 
Today turned out to be HORRIBLE. I took my initial 120 lopes this morn...thought I felt them kicking in, but I was wrong. I should also mention that on my way out the door I took about a g of phenibut. My whole morning was spent WDing....I don't know why. I felt horrible. On lunch, against my better judgement, I ran to the nearest store and snagged another 96 ct box and downed about 80 more out of desperation. I felt like total shit. Was FREEZING cold all day, couldn't get moving, no energy, horrible mindset, muscle aches, restless....the works. Even after I took more lope it BARELY affected me. I dunno if the U fucked up my tolerance or if I'm now dependant on tianeptine or what (the tia I did 5 days on, 5 days off, and then 5 days back on....U I did 5 days and done, Pheni I have been doing more often than not). My body feels so out of whack. Now, no matter what I try I'm screwed...I'm home now and just being here makes me feel better...kind of. I have no energy and only the desire to lay in bed even though I have a few things to do. Tomorrow I'll have more tianeptine and that will help for a couple hours at a time, but I'm trying not to dose that often...attempting to keep it to 3, maybe 4 times a day. Gotta get grounded. Gotta make it through this. I was hoping to come home to an approved account enabling me to order the Lyrica, but still nothing. I feel like today I may as well have taken nothing at all...this is rough. Any ideas???
 
I'm forcing myself into the shower now...12.62 miles so far today on foot. How I managed it I have no idea. Maybe I'm overreacting. Ok, it doesn't feel like FULL WD, but it certainly feels somewhere between a 1/2 and 3/4 WD. Whacked out. I'll see this through.
Oh, and I had NO side effects from the lope today....took about 400mg+ which I haven't done in two months. At that dose it was enough for my vision to get all fucked, my strength issues to kick in, etc. Nothing. A wee bit better, barely noticeable. I'm getting mad head rushes like I do from opi WDs. Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
 
Ok, I took a shower and had some time to calm down. Now that I'm here and chilling I don't feel THAT bad. I don't know what the deal was today at work though. The fact of the matter is that I survived...I'm feeling decent. Mostly just anxious now. Gonna ride this out, take the last of my lopes in the morning and jump back on to the tianeptine. I'll manage. I just feel really weird. I wish I could do something, but at the same time I don't want to do anything or be around anyone. Think I'm going to force myself back out into the world to go get some food and see how I feel from there. I should be ok. Ugh. Gotta stay positive.
 
skodeo said:
Today turned out to be HORRIBLE. I took my initial 120 lopes this morn...thought I felt them kicking in, but I was wrong. I should also mention that on my way out the door I took about a g of phenibut. My whole morning was spent WDing....I don't know why. I felt horrible. On lunch, against my better judgement, I ran to the nearest store and snagged another 96 ct box and downed about 80 more out of desperation. I felt like total shit. Was FREEZING cold all day, couldn't get moving, no energy, horrible mindset, muscle aches, restless....the works. Even after I took more lope it BARELY affected me. I dunno if the U fucked up my tolerance or if I'm now dependant on tianeptine or what (the tia I did 5 days on, 5 days off, and then 5 days back on....U I did 5 days and done, Pheni I have been doing more often than not). My body feels so out of whack. Now, no matter what I try I'm screwed...I'm home now and just being here makes me feel better...kind of. I have no energy and only the desire to lay in bed even though I have a few things to do. Tomorrow I'll have more tianeptine and that will help for a couple hours at a time, but I'm trying not to dose that often...attempting to keep it to 3, maybe 4 times a day. Gotta get grounded. Gotta make it through this. I was hoping to come home to an approved account enabling me to order the Lyrica, but still nothing. I feel like today I may as well have taken nothing at all...this is rough. Any ideas???
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there's no way you're in opiate withdrawal if you're taking that much Loperamide - i'm very certain you're not feeling it because you're sky rocketing your tolerance. . . it'd relieve withdrawals however. . . i'm sure the weirdness you're feeling is the Phenibut and Tianeptine for sure.

you really need to stop taking so much Loperamide, it's not doing anything for you but making your tolerance sky rocketed as well as ruin your heart :(

i had no idea how much Phenibut you were taking, i never was able to feel ANYTHING on it, trust me i tried. . . but the effects it has on the brain is most likely effected the tianeptine. . .


i don't know what you could be withdrawing from. . .

if you're only taking Loperamide, Phenibut and Tianeptine. . . then it's probably just your anxiety that you can't get a good buzz. . . or the bad feeling is the combo of stuff you're taking is causing chemical imbalance and making you feel crappy...
 
skodeo said:
I'm forcing myself into the shower now...12.62 miles so far today on foot. How I managed it I have no idea. Maybe I'm overreacting. Ok, it doesn't feel like FULL WD, but it certainly feels somewhere between a 1/2 and 3/4 WD. Whacked out. I'll see this through.
Oh, and I had NO side effects from the lope today....took about 400mg+ which I haven't done in two months. At that dose it was enough for my vision to get all fucked, my strength issues to kick in, etc. Nothing. A wee bit better, barely noticeable. I'm getting mad head rushes like I do from opi WDs. Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...


there's no way to be sure you're not having any side effects from the lope, you said you felt like you were in withdrawals all day and said you felt out of whack and not well. .

DO NOT do more Lope in the morning . . . please, you're trying to get a buzz but it's apparent Opiates/Opioids are not going to give you enjoyable highs - Lope is just fucking your tolerance up! head rushes from opi wd's?!?!?! meaning you're having them right now? even though you have an opiate receptors antagonist in your body at the moment?

you shouldn't be having head rushes or blurred vision right now if you've taken 400mg's of Loperamide. . .
unless it's from your blood pressure/heart being effected by the drug

please just stop the Loperamide!
 
Tomorrow is the last day of lope again. I am going to take about the 200mgs I have left. I made sure to have enough tianeptine to keep things at bay for a good 10 days. I feel fine now oddly enough. A bit off still, not high, but not sick. I think I was just anxious at work and the phenibut threw everything off....possibly WDing off the tia or U even though I only took those 5 days?? I didn't eat a single thing til just a about 20 min ago because food just didn't sound enticing at all in my state. It helped too, however.
One thing I should mention though is, in the past, when I'm in full WD from being off lope for a few days it seems to take twice as long or even longer to completely overcome the WD effects. I'm not sure....my entire 8 hour shift was hell, even after I came home. I had classic WD symptoms the entire day. I tend to be a perfectionist and work myself up when I feel I am not performing as good as I know I can too...
Need to make sure I get a full belly and plenty of rest tonight. I'll begin the tianeptine Tuesday morning and not take anymore lope after tomorrow morn....hopefully ever again. That's the plan.
 
...and I was just saying that with the amount of lope I took today for the first time in a week would have normally caused the blurry vision, hindered strength, etc. It didn't. It felt like I had barely taken any. I haven't had 400+ mg in over two months now. I felt so horrible that I just went for it in hopes that I'd start feeling ok, which I finally do now.
 
I attempted to start off low...200mg for me is on the low side. Enough to feel ok. When that didn't work I took another 150mg-160mg. I took 30-40mg last night when I woke up restless and I still got up this morning feeling WDs.
 
My experience with tianeptine is that you have to do it pretty regularly otherwise it will just be another withdrawal that you are dealing with on top of everything else. I understand the intention was 5 days on 5 days off but it's better to be consistent with the tianeptine and then taper it slowly as you wish to get off or to time it when you will run of out material. Or as you taper up with tianeptine, taper down on lope. You may get up to higher doses of tianeptine to cover the lope WD, so make sure you have enough stock. Once you feel like you are over the lope WD, start tapering down on the tianeptine. I know that I was doing up to 60mg of tianeptine 3x/day to cover 24 mg/day of lope, so you may need to dose even higher than that given your lope tolerance, but I agree with the doses you are attempting with lope it is imperative that you get off it ASAP as it is probably making the situation worse.
 
Sorry to hear you had such a horrible day and were feeling like you backtracked a bit.. I also agree that everything happens for a reason and things happen when they are supposed to.. You are making progress and it's important to focus on the progress alone during this time. In my last post I mentioned that the site you are getting your phenibut from sells really terrible stuff and that you may not be in as bad of shape as you might assume considering how often you have been taking it.. I have to agree with culpurnia - I think it is the phenibut that caused you to feel so horrible that day.. I want to reiterate my point though and provide some info as to why you may be able to cut it out with less complications than normally we would expect. When I was addicted to phenibut I always ordered from a certain website that sold quality phenibut with lab test quality reports included with each order.. at one point they were apparently out of phenibut and I was forced to order it from the same site you ordered yours from. After running out of my regular batch and dosing with the new stuff I almost immediately started experiencing WD like symptoms. It progressively got worse as I continued to use the batch. I couldn't figure it out - no matter how much I took I could not relieve the WD symptoms. I spent several days basically in full on WD until I was able to get a batch from my regular provider. I remember thinking that it might be a good opportunity to kick the habit since I basically already had a few days under my belt due to the terrible quality of whatever it was I was taking for those few days. Who knows what they cut their "phenibut" with but it not only provided zero comfort/relief, it actually produced the opposite effects and made me sick. I figured this was at least worth sharing if for no other reason than to give you a mental edge over that particular aspect of your current situation. I also agree with cj in that I think your options are becoming limited.. I don't know you or your situation other than what you've provided us with but from one addict to another - sometimes you get to a point where you have to make a choice between saving face and saving your ass, and it sounds like you are in a situation where you need to do whatever you have to do to save your ass. You already understand the gravity of the lope addiction and what a thin line you're walking.. If I'm being totally honest I just don't know if your current game plan is going to get the job done in time, and I only say that because I know I wouldn't be able to do it if I were in that situation. Again, I'm not you and I don't know you personally but I'm also an addict and I know all too well how cunning and brilliant the addict inside us is when it comes to keeping you enslaved. If you are really serious about getting off that stuff and not replacing it with some other addiction (which it sounds like you are) you have to do whatever you have to do, even if it means losing face or losing relationships or a job.. (You can't get fired for seeking out treatment for addiction, at least not in my state). Your life is what's important at the end of the day and right now it is in serious jeopardy. As another member said already, we are following your progress and are here to support you - I just want to give it to you straight. I've been there and have had to put everything on the line to fight for my life/sobriety. what seemed like my worst nightmare come true was actually the greatest blessing I ever received and the same will be true for you when you reach the other side. Put your sobriety before everything else.
 
Something is definitely up. Been in and out of a restless sleep. It became so bad that I now just forced myself awake at 2:45.
 
Thanks for the input, you two.
I am in quite the predicament though. I can't reiterate this enough though...if I lose my job or come clean about this addiction then that is that...I am cut off and I am homeless. My family has given me soooooooooooo many chances. I'm on my last chance at my sober house as well. There isn't another chance left to give and they have made that quite clear. I can't go to another expensive inpatient stay, I can't hit up a detox, there's no way in hell I can do methadone/suboxone. Believe me...at this point I wish I could and who knows how this will end up. I'd rather be here, dealing with this in secret than WDing on the street! I fear that more than likely you're right...I'm just going to end up trading one addiction for the next. Doesn't anyone have input on the Lyrica idea? I think if I can at least manage to get my hands on a limited supply of that within another 2 weeks that that may just be the best idea I can muster...at least it isn't an opiate and I know it'll aid this whole thing and make it a hell of alot easier.
I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew where I am going to end up. I'd like to think anything else is a step forward as long as I can get off the lope. Sometimes I feel hopeful, sometimes just hopeless.
Even if this doesn't work for me perhaps documenting it here can save another soul and that's all I could ask for. A loperamide martyr of sorts.
I must be partially WDing off the tia/U combo. Intense restlessness and back into the sneezing that I had yesterday too. Normally the 400mg I took of lope yesterday would be enough to carry me for 2 full days, but it barely managed to help...at least until hours later.
 
About the phenibut, ya...the main batch I have is pretty bad and I think that's mainly what made things extra horrible yesterday...but I also had acquired a small amount of 3rd party tested f-phenibut that I was sometimes throwing in the mix. I have a tiny bit left of that and haven't used it in a few days(maybe 200mg tops).
 
I think I was just so eager to get off the lope that I didn't properly do my homework and set a solid extended ground plan and just threw all this random shit in my body expecting to feel tip top when it really wasn't a good idea.
 
Well, I'll manage to survive today. For better or worse my work day will eventually end and about the time I make it home my tianeptine will be arriving and then all should be well. Didn't get a lot of restful sleep, was kicking around like mad for about 5 hours and now I'm up. Going to take the last of this lope now at 3:30 to get things started early...hopefully will be able to order some Lyrica today too.
 
Dudes! Today is a complete opposite of yesterday. I feel tip top. On lunch now, time is flying, in good spirits...took half as much lope as yesterday nearly. What a relief.
 
Mate 400mg of lope is just rediculous. I'm really concerned for you. You seem to be just going round in circles with lope, tianeptine, phenibut, U-47700, etc. etc.

I think you really need to rethink things as this is just not sustainable. Seriously bro you are going to kill yourself at this rate....
 
i know the methadone/sub route seems like a saving grace for you - but to be honest, if you can't use loperamide to taper off opiates then Methadone/Sub won't be any easier. . . they aren't suppose to get you high - it seems like even when you have the lope you do enough to feel high, the methadone/sub is given to you in low doses so you don't get high, it's to make you feel normal, and a dose of Loperamide will do the same thing ( i'm not talking herioc doses like 200-400mg )

as low as 20-80g of lope has the same effect as methadone/sub - and last a bit longer before withdrawals kick in, i've known i.v herion users who used 30 lopes every day and got clean. . . i really don't think methadone would help you at all, frankly i think it'd make it worse - since you are already combining loperamide, tianeptine, phenibut. . . i can only imagine if you started mixing Methadone/Suboxone into that. . . (granted methadone/suboxone would be safer, but loperamide is safe too if not taken in huge doses, and if you can't control taking small doses of loperamide, i fear for adding anything else to the mix )


i think the hardest part of getting clean is - you can try to catch a buzz, or just avoid withdrawal . . . or get CLEAN - and at this moment i still feel your priority is getting a buzz ( hell, aren't we all? ) - because you are taking way too much loperamide, you're taking it to get high, not avoid withdrawals...

remember, feeling normal and not high, is better than withdrawing/being homeless!

you can do this - because eventually, you'll get to the point were you won't be able to get high. . . you'll sky rocket your tolerance so high, you'll never get high again, you'll just fiend off withdrawals. . . and it seems you're pretty much there thanks to the Lope/Tianeptine/U-7/etc. . .

i already mentioned lyrica, i don't think it'd help you at all - the phenibut is greatly effecting your GABAB and very very slightly your GABAA - Lyrica would have minimal effects on you - beyond wasting more money :O !

the Lope IS CARRYING YOU for two days. . . it's just now your tolerance is so high you aren't feeling high, you are NOT in withdrawals already from it. . . please do no redose :(

a lot of this is mental. . . remember, i know it sucks - you wan't to get high but now you're brain has such a high tolerance to everything you can barely manage to feel normal..

hang in there!
 
englandgz74 said:
Mate 400mg of lope is just rediculous. I'm really concerned for you. You seem to be just going round in circles with lope, tianeptine, phenibut, U-47700, etc. etc.

I think you really need to rethink things as this is just not sustainable. Seriously bro you are going to kill yourself at this rate....
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agreed, reading his post are making me shake with anxiety ( i had a loperamide scare 3 weeks ago from fainting breaking my foot ) and two weeks since cold turkey, and still having AWFUL symptoms ( wen't to ER twice )

and high dose loperamide, will fucking mutilate your brain/heart. . .

i worry badly, i hope people read this forum on day and heed these warnings, from all points of views. . .
 
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