we shared some rare times, watching tranquil sunsets in silence and talking eternity away with our eyes. a moment could fill a day, but i knew time was finite. i told her the day was approaching but she didn't think it was true. she called me a liar and stormed out. i chased her to the door but she had gone; disappeared, like a dream upon waking. all i had to look at were the dark spots her tears had left in the dust.
the sun set on a lonely stranger that night, one resigned to get drunk until the pain would subside. but i knew there was nothing in the world that would loose the grip of utter despair that had grabbed my heart, squeezing the last of my blood out to paint the skies she walked under red.
familiar voices echoed up the stairwell, giving me to fear. i had never told them about her, the girl from a dream who lived across the veranda from the flat my cousin let me live in. i heard keys jingle outside the door, and one of my cousins entered with an armful of groceries and a bubbly laugh. i looked up and saw that she came with her friend, but noticed there was a third.
to my relief i found it was my other cousin, andrew. i stood up with resolve when i saw him and walked straight to him. i stared at his face, searching for a silent affirmation for what i was about to ask of him; he had always backed my decisions. "punch me in the face," i said firmly. the laughter of the company died suddenly and a sobre hush fell. i shortly succeeded at convincing him, and he hit me.
when my head recovered from the numb tingle, relief rushed over me. a warm salt taste flooded my mouth and tears hotter than i had ever known poured down my face. as i had suspected, the knock had dislodged my brain from it's state of shock and i was released from limbo, able now to feel the worst that misery had to offer before the endorphins took pity on me.
i sobbed like i had never sobbed, hard enough to turn me blue in the face; hard enough to make my sides ache and seize until i could do nothing more than clentch my eyes shut and reminisce on what i had lost; everything. if my life was a puzzle, she knew the shortcuts. if my body was a map, i would have pledged all my territories to her. i finally pulled myself together, after the sun had long gone down and the stars and crickets ruled the outdoors.
i found my cousins sitting in the next room, watching tv in what appeared to be some discomfort. "sorry about that," i said. i could see that i had ruined their evening too. it was my last night in town, and we were going to party. but i couldn't have partied without her, and i really hoped she would understand.
but standing in the doorway after she left, i came to the realization that maybe it all would have meant nothing if she had been complacent. i drank some champagne, intending to finish off the bottle but good sense prevailed in the end. i talked about life with my cousins, and we smoked cigarettes until the sun finally came up just before 6am.
my plane was scheduled to leave at 6pm that day, and fortunately i was tired enough to get a few hours of sleep in. my cousin returned for me after 4pm, when i had finished packing and was ready to go. i locked the door to the flat and gave her back the keys, expressing my appreciation for her letting me live there for the past two months.
i took one long, last look across the veranda, hoping more than anything to see her. but she wasn't there. "Let's go," my cousin urged me. we were silent during the hour-long drive to the airport. when we got there, we learned my flight was post-poned, so we sat down for a coffee and i told her everything. when i was finished, she tried her best to console me but the words seemed so shallow compared to my loss.
after i got through the security checkpoint, i had a few more drinks at the airport bar and forgot about my troubles giving my concentration to making sure i got on the right flight. after another hour i was airborne, and after five hours i had begun to cross back over the atlantic. the air in the cabin felt colder once it was dark outside. the lights were dimmed and most of the passengers fell asleep. i couldn't sleep; i just turned my face toward the window and watched tears roll down the face of my sad, miserable reflection.
the sun set on a lonely stranger that night, one resigned to get drunk until the pain would subside. but i knew there was nothing in the world that would loose the grip of utter despair that had grabbed my heart, squeezing the last of my blood out to paint the skies she walked under red.
familiar voices echoed up the stairwell, giving me to fear. i had never told them about her, the girl from a dream who lived across the veranda from the flat my cousin let me live in. i heard keys jingle outside the door, and one of my cousins entered with an armful of groceries and a bubbly laugh. i looked up and saw that she came with her friend, but noticed there was a third.
to my relief i found it was my other cousin, andrew. i stood up with resolve when i saw him and walked straight to him. i stared at his face, searching for a silent affirmation for what i was about to ask of him; he had always backed my decisions. "punch me in the face," i said firmly. the laughter of the company died suddenly and a sobre hush fell. i shortly succeeded at convincing him, and he hit me.
when my head recovered from the numb tingle, relief rushed over me. a warm salt taste flooded my mouth and tears hotter than i had ever known poured down my face. as i had suspected, the knock had dislodged my brain from it's state of shock and i was released from limbo, able now to feel the worst that misery had to offer before the endorphins took pity on me.
i sobbed like i had never sobbed, hard enough to turn me blue in the face; hard enough to make my sides ache and seize until i could do nothing more than clentch my eyes shut and reminisce on what i had lost; everything. if my life was a puzzle, she knew the shortcuts. if my body was a map, i would have pledged all my territories to her. i finally pulled myself together, after the sun had long gone down and the stars and crickets ruled the outdoors.
i found my cousins sitting in the next room, watching tv in what appeared to be some discomfort. "sorry about that," i said. i could see that i had ruined their evening too. it was my last night in town, and we were going to party. but i couldn't have partied without her, and i really hoped she would understand.
but standing in the doorway after she left, i came to the realization that maybe it all would have meant nothing if she had been complacent. i drank some champagne, intending to finish off the bottle but good sense prevailed in the end. i talked about life with my cousins, and we smoked cigarettes until the sun finally came up just before 6am.
my plane was scheduled to leave at 6pm that day, and fortunately i was tired enough to get a few hours of sleep in. my cousin returned for me after 4pm, when i had finished packing and was ready to go. i locked the door to the flat and gave her back the keys, expressing my appreciation for her letting me live there for the past two months.
i took one long, last look across the veranda, hoping more than anything to see her. but she wasn't there. "Let's go," my cousin urged me. we were silent during the hour-long drive to the airport. when we got there, we learned my flight was post-poned, so we sat down for a coffee and i told her everything. when i was finished, she tried her best to console me but the words seemed so shallow compared to my loss.
after i got through the security checkpoint, i had a few more drinks at the airport bar and forgot about my troubles giving my concentration to making sure i got on the right flight. after another hour i was airborne, and after five hours i had begun to cross back over the atlantic. the air in the cabin felt colder once it was dark outside. the lights were dimmed and most of the passengers fell asleep. i couldn't sleep; i just turned my face toward the window and watched tears roll down the face of my sad, miserable reflection.
