InchHighPrivateEye
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2010
- Messages
- 2
First post here so sorry for breach of any forum rules
and sorry if I offend any religious folk, Its just my view!
22 Male
It all took place about 3 months ago. I was at a house party chilling out with some close friends, at the party I had 2 pills and a few cheeky lines of K and a little bit of vodka, Nothing mental all was good, going though phases of wanting to dance like a fool and feeling a bit K’ed Busy chatting for generally talking rubbish for a few hours. At about 2:00am people start to separate off into rooms and some people start talking about stuff I perceive to be quite negative so I have a line of K for the road and decide to call it a night.
After a short walk home where by the road seemed to endlessly extend in front of me, I make it home and quickly realise that sleep going to be an option for a few hours, I could still feel the waves of euphoria brought on by the pills, slowly reducing in strength each time. I have been in a one or two small K-Hole’s previously but nothing compares to what was about to happen next. I prep the room, but some music on and rack up 3 large lines.
I lost all track of time at this point I am assuming 2:20 ish?
Line 1: Massive body high, my bed feeling amazing against me, very pleasant mind set and massive urges take this further
Line2: Holy Crap! Used to be a regular with methadrone but never had such a relaxed high loving it! In a dark room, posters on the wall begin morphing, light levels are low so detail is low, and the room begins throbbing gently.
Line3: Feeling great I decide now is a good time to pop myself into a hole. Line done I fall back into my bed.
I was looking at the wall when suddenly I was ripped out of my bed and I was somewhere else and someone else without any knowledge of who I was or how I got there.
It was as if I was just born, Everything was black and empty.
For what seemed like an eternity I was stuck in a cycle of being born over and over again, each time to a universe surrounded by new colours and patterns, colours and patterns I struggle to describe, each colour or pattern was a universe in its self. I would be reaching out trying to hold anything, but i had no body, just a consciousness, constantly confused as to what was happening to me, (no memory of my real life)
I simply could not comprehend what was happening,
Where am I?
Who am I?
Why am I? (this being the most interesting question never asked myself this before now!)
After a while of this I came to the conclusion that I was the only thing, (some almighty being god of you will) and that each pattern or universe was just an extension of me.
Then suddenly a memory “K-Hole”
I remembered putting myself into a K-Hole, I didn’t not know what this meant, I knew I was once in one of these universes although I could not describe my previous life, but this “K-Hole” had allowed me to rise up through the ranks and be returned to my God like status,
After more rebirths into new universe after new universe, I reached the top of home hierarchy I could not explain. Although there was many universes that where part of me, there was just me, alone, forever, and with no end,
If there is only one what is the point of existing.
I decided to visit one of these universes to stop the loneliness.
I was in a world where there were other people (although they were more like the idea of people) and I knew they were part of me, but I had no control of them, ( for example: I know there is blood in my body , but I cannot control it)
The only people there where friends from the party earlier, who where all linked to me by some form of bond.
I lived here for a while but it was not what I was searching for.
I was then in a world where there was only drugs, any emotion/feeling/experience (love, hate, riding a bike, sitting under a tree reading a book, anything!!) could be gained though a chemical. (in this world I was unaware of previously being this god like character)
Again i lived here for a while but was not what I was looking for
I then zoomed back out to being the god again. This last world I visited reminded me I took a drug to get to where I was, and I no longer wanted to be this god like figure, I wanted to be a little cog in a big machine again, not the man in charge, I wanted to be small and insignificant I didn’t want to make a difference or have this power.
I found life, and could jump back in at any point. Or as any person I have ever come into contact with, as I had some form of connection to everyone I have ever met, With people being closer to me having stronger connections. It took a long time to decide who and where to start my life again.
Then I woke up, this time back in my body, back in my bed. Still loosely connected to the god character. What followed next was maybe half an hour of me slowly returning to my body, Still with thoughts of what is the point, there is only me,
These thoughts slowly faded away until I was fully back, and waking round my room.
(about 5-6am)
The next 2 hours were me sat with my head in my hands trying to explain what just happened. If it was real, what did it mean, why the hell am I here! I felt awfull, insecure, lonely, pointless, confused and unable to think strait
I managed to get to get some sleep a few hours later and went over to a friends house and sat down quietly, just wanting to be around people, I felt an sense of comfort in knowing people where around me.
2 days pass and I feel back to my normal happy go lucky self, with a few minor changes or re-enforcements in what I already believed!
Lasting effects:
I never used to be hugely religious (quite scientifically minded) I liked the idea that there was a god,
Now still months on, the idea of any form of benevolent being is madness. Its seems impossible and illogical. I also see things in a slightly different way.
Everything has a reason a reaction a source a "why"
things don't just happen!
People do not have any form of soul,
People aren’t born bad or good, they act upon influences and variables, often out of there control.
Surroundings and variables causes chemical releases in your brain, which directly cause your actions. There is no room there for a soul or a something that makes us all different,
just neurons and electrons responding to inputs.
I don’t feel upset at finding out there is no god,
almost peaceful in knowing that I should be happy for everything I have got and everything I will have,
the people I have met, and the people I will meet.
Life seemed to be a race before, to reach a goal
(School-Uni-Job-Wife-Dog-Kids-Grandkids)
Now it seems more like a walk in the park, not going anywhere but the view is lovely along the way.
As long as I wake up with a smile and spread that on to someone else, what more to life is there?
Is that the answer to why am I?
I do not judge anybody on their life style choice, If you get your kicks from eating jaffa cakes, and you feel happy, then do that all day long!
I regularly think about the experience 3 times a week or more, and always smile, yet feel a little confused.
I know this may make little sense but I lack the literacy skills and cognitive ability to fully explain my thoughts on the issue!
Hell I don't even understand it fully myself!
Ketamine eh.... fuck me didn’t expect that to happen!!
any thoughts?
and sorry if I offend any religious folk, Its just my view!
22 Male
It all took place about 3 months ago. I was at a house party chilling out with some close friends, at the party I had 2 pills and a few cheeky lines of K and a little bit of vodka, Nothing mental all was good, going though phases of wanting to dance like a fool and feeling a bit K’ed Busy chatting for generally talking rubbish for a few hours. At about 2:00am people start to separate off into rooms and some people start talking about stuff I perceive to be quite negative so I have a line of K for the road and decide to call it a night.
After a short walk home where by the road seemed to endlessly extend in front of me, I make it home and quickly realise that sleep going to be an option for a few hours, I could still feel the waves of euphoria brought on by the pills, slowly reducing in strength each time. I have been in a one or two small K-Hole’s previously but nothing compares to what was about to happen next. I prep the room, but some music on and rack up 3 large lines.
I lost all track of time at this point I am assuming 2:20 ish?
Line 1: Massive body high, my bed feeling amazing against me, very pleasant mind set and massive urges take this further
Line2: Holy Crap! Used to be a regular with methadrone but never had such a relaxed high loving it! In a dark room, posters on the wall begin morphing, light levels are low so detail is low, and the room begins throbbing gently.
Line3: Feeling great I decide now is a good time to pop myself into a hole. Line done I fall back into my bed.
I was looking at the wall when suddenly I was ripped out of my bed and I was somewhere else and someone else without any knowledge of who I was or how I got there.
It was as if I was just born, Everything was black and empty.
For what seemed like an eternity I was stuck in a cycle of being born over and over again, each time to a universe surrounded by new colours and patterns, colours and patterns I struggle to describe, each colour or pattern was a universe in its self. I would be reaching out trying to hold anything, but i had no body, just a consciousness, constantly confused as to what was happening to me, (no memory of my real life)
I simply could not comprehend what was happening,
Where am I?
Who am I?
Why am I? (this being the most interesting question never asked myself this before now!)
After a while of this I came to the conclusion that I was the only thing, (some almighty being god of you will) and that each pattern or universe was just an extension of me.
Then suddenly a memory “K-Hole”
I remembered putting myself into a K-Hole, I didn’t not know what this meant, I knew I was once in one of these universes although I could not describe my previous life, but this “K-Hole” had allowed me to rise up through the ranks and be returned to my God like status,
After more rebirths into new universe after new universe, I reached the top of home hierarchy I could not explain. Although there was many universes that where part of me, there was just me, alone, forever, and with no end,
If there is only one what is the point of existing.
I decided to visit one of these universes to stop the loneliness.
I was in a world where there were other people (although they were more like the idea of people) and I knew they were part of me, but I had no control of them, ( for example: I know there is blood in my body , but I cannot control it)
The only people there where friends from the party earlier, who where all linked to me by some form of bond.
I lived here for a while but it was not what I was searching for.
I was then in a world where there was only drugs, any emotion/feeling/experience (love, hate, riding a bike, sitting under a tree reading a book, anything!!) could be gained though a chemical. (in this world I was unaware of previously being this god like character)
Again i lived here for a while but was not what I was looking for
I then zoomed back out to being the god again. This last world I visited reminded me I took a drug to get to where I was, and I no longer wanted to be this god like figure, I wanted to be a little cog in a big machine again, not the man in charge, I wanted to be small and insignificant I didn’t want to make a difference or have this power.
I found life, and could jump back in at any point. Or as any person I have ever come into contact with, as I had some form of connection to everyone I have ever met, With people being closer to me having stronger connections. It took a long time to decide who and where to start my life again.
Then I woke up, this time back in my body, back in my bed. Still loosely connected to the god character. What followed next was maybe half an hour of me slowly returning to my body, Still with thoughts of what is the point, there is only me,
These thoughts slowly faded away until I was fully back, and waking round my room.
(about 5-6am)
The next 2 hours were me sat with my head in my hands trying to explain what just happened. If it was real, what did it mean, why the hell am I here! I felt awfull, insecure, lonely, pointless, confused and unable to think strait
I managed to get to get some sleep a few hours later and went over to a friends house and sat down quietly, just wanting to be around people, I felt an sense of comfort in knowing people where around me.
2 days pass and I feel back to my normal happy go lucky self, with a few minor changes or re-enforcements in what I already believed!
Lasting effects:
I never used to be hugely religious (quite scientifically minded) I liked the idea that there was a god,
Now still months on, the idea of any form of benevolent being is madness. Its seems impossible and illogical. I also see things in a slightly different way.
Everything has a reason a reaction a source a "why"
things don't just happen!
People do not have any form of soul,
People aren’t born bad or good, they act upon influences and variables, often out of there control.
Surroundings and variables causes chemical releases in your brain, which directly cause your actions. There is no room there for a soul or a something that makes us all different,
just neurons and electrons responding to inputs.
I don’t feel upset at finding out there is no god,
almost peaceful in knowing that I should be happy for everything I have got and everything I will have,
the people I have met, and the people I will meet.
Life seemed to be a race before, to reach a goal
(School-Uni-Job-Wife-Dog-Kids-Grandkids)
Now it seems more like a walk in the park, not going anywhere but the view is lovely along the way.
As long as I wake up with a smile and spread that on to someone else, what more to life is there?
Is that the answer to why am I?
I do not judge anybody on their life style choice, If you get your kicks from eating jaffa cakes, and you feel happy, then do that all day long!
I regularly think about the experience 3 times a week or more, and always smile, yet feel a little confused.
I know this may make little sense but I lack the literacy skills and cognitive ability to fully explain my thoughts on the issue!
Hell I don't even understand it fully myself!
Ketamine eh.... fuck me didn’t expect that to happen!!
any thoughts?
