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The Joke Thread

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this is a story about 4 people named Everycunt, Somecunt, Anycunt and Nocunt. One day there was a job that needed doing and Somecunt was asked to do it, Everycunt was sure Somecunt would do it but nocunt did it.
Everycunt got angry because it was Somecunt's job.
Nocunt realised that Anycunt could have done it. It ended up with Everycunt blaming Somecunt and Nocunt doing what Anycunt could have done... ... i think i work with these cunts ¬_¬
 
Don't suppose there's any jokes about david camerons son yet is there?
Click to expand...

I'm sure you'll be the first to tell us if there is.

I didn't think this had happened till today, did you know something we didn't?
 
Whats blue and shags children?








Me in my lucky blue suit!

Made me chuckle..and shudder slightly
 
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari?

I don't have a ferrari in my cellar.

What's the difference between a lorryload of dead babies and a lorryload of bowling balls?

You can't unload a lorryload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

et al, ad infinitum
 
tailpipe_man_350.jpg
 
Straight after landing at Glasgow Airport, the pilot & co-pilot forget to turn off the intercom:

Co-pilot: "What are you doing later?"

Pilot: "First thing I'm going to do is go for a big shite, then I'm going to fuck the arse off that wee stewardess"


The stewardess hears this and runs towards the cockpit to confront him. Running down the aisle, she trips over an old lady who helps her up and says:



"Take yer time hen, he's goin' for a shite first"
 
CletusVanDow said:
Straight after landing at Glasgow Airport, the pilot & co-pilot forget to turn off the intercom:

Co-pilot: "What are you doing later?"

Pilot: "First thing I'm going to do is go for a big shite, then I'm going to fuck the arse off that wee stewardess"


The stewardess hears this and runs towards the cockpit to confront him. Running down the aisle, she trips over an old lady who helps her up and says:



"Take yer time hen, he's goin' for a shite first"
Click to expand...

hahaha. cracker
 
The sneezing woman
A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.

The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.

The man isn't sure why she is shuddering, and he goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders violently again. The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose, then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?"

The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

" The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper.
 
Those last two were ESPECIALLY rubbish =D

What's the difference between a nun in the bath and your mum?

Your mum's a slut.
 
It's an old joke innit:

Whats this difference between a nun praying and a nun in the bath?
One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.
 
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