Shambles
Bluelight Crew
^ Give us gag then, RA :D.
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The Joke Thread
- Thread starter Harry@Piekarnia
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discopupils
Bluelighter
what do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his arse?
Warren.
Warren.
A member of the BNP, one of the top Dogs, a real Nazi, was involved in a car crash.
He was rushed to hospital, where he was given a life saving operation.
When he awoke he asked the doctor' 'will I be OK?'
The doctor replied, 'well there is two pieces of good news & two pieces of bad news'.
The BNP man asked, 'what's the good news ?'
The doctor replied, 'you had to have a blood transfusion'.
The man asked, 'what else?'
The doctor said, 'you had two pints of blood from a black man & two from a Pakistani'.
To which the man said, 'ohh effing shit, how could you put that in me ?'
Now the BNP man said, 'what's the good news ?'
The doctor replied, 'your dicks grown two inches and you have been moved to the top of the housing list'.
He was rushed to hospital, where he was given a life saving operation.
When he awoke he asked the doctor' 'will I be OK?'
The doctor replied, 'well there is two pieces of good news & two pieces of bad news'.
The BNP man asked, 'what's the good news ?'
The doctor replied, 'you had to have a blood transfusion'.
The man asked, 'what else?'
The doctor said, 'you had two pints of blood from a black man & two from a Pakistani'.
To which the man said, 'ohh effing shit, how could you put that in me ?'
Now the BNP man said, 'what's the good news ?'
The doctor replied, 'your dicks grown two inches and you have been moved to the top of the housing list'.
masonyoung
Bluelighter
'Hello, is this the Police Office?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Jack Murphy...He's hidin' Marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside Them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'
'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, twelve St Johns Police Officers descend on Jack's house. They
Search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Jack and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Jack's house.
'Hey, Jack! This here's Floyd....Did the Police come?'
'Yeah!'
'Did they chop your firewood?'
'Yep!'
'Happy Birthday, buddy!'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Jack Murphy...He's hidin' Marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside Them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'
'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, twelve St Johns Police Officers descend on Jack's house. They
Search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Jack and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Jack's house.
'Hey, Jack! This here's Floyd....Did the Police come?'
'Yeah!'
'Did they chop your firewood?'
'Yep!'
'Happy Birthday, buddy!'
little johnny runs into the kitchen to his mum, shouting "Mum, mum, I can see granny's prawn"
mum calmes him down and askes him to explain. so he drags her into the living room where his gran is decked out on the sofa fast asleep.
little jonny points to her hitched up skirt and says "there ya go, look a prawn"
his mum points out that it's not a prawn it's a clitirous!
with johnny responding "well it sure does taste like a prawn"
mum calmes him down and askes him to explain. so he drags her into the living room where his gran is decked out on the sofa fast asleep.
little jonny points to her hitched up skirt and says "there ya go, look a prawn"
his mum points out that it's not a prawn it's a clitirous!
with johnny responding "well it sure does taste like a prawn"
Shambles
Bluelight Crew
*Merged the joke threads cos I can and should and could*
What's the difference between snowmen and snow-women? Snowballs.
It does say shit jokes.
What's the difference between snowmen and snow-women? Snowballs.
It does say shit jokes.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Shambles
Bluelight Crew
Ha! Quite like that actually, Treac :D.
parttime crackhead
Bluelighter
genius!
The original taking the piss out of the Gestapo or KGB with diamonds being stashed inside logs is much better
masonyoung
Bluelighter
Yeah, theres one about buried bodies, and a guy who needs to dig a septic tank. That actually would have been more in line with "shit" jokes...
Young boy runs to his Mother with a bloody thumb and says "Mommy, Mommy!!! you know that soft spot on the baby's head!!!!
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.
'Very good!'
Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'F**k the Indians,'
'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.
'Very good!'
Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'F**k the Indians,'
'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".
A man gets home from working a nightshift and decides to wake his wife by giving her oral sex. He climbs under the bottom of the duvet gently spreads her legs and licks her pussy 'till she quivers and cums over his face. He goes to the bathroom to clean up and finds his wife in ther shaving her legs.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE" he yells.
"shhh" says his wife "you'll wake your mother."
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE" he yells.
"shhh" says his wife "you'll wake your mother."
swanhaggisman
Bluelighter
A wee bunny rabbit is hopping through the forest when he spies a plant of a type he's never seen before which looks a bit sad.
Bunny asks the plant "What kind of plant are you?".
Plant replies "A cross between a cauliflower an a melon".
Bunny continues "But why do you look sad?".
Says the plant "Because I'm a melancholy flower".
Bunny asks the plant "What kind of plant are you?".
Plant replies "A cross between a cauliflower an a melon".
Bunny continues "But why do you look sad?".
Says the plant "Because I'm a melancholy flower".
felix
Bluelight Crew
right listen up. if you are easily offended, just hit the back button on your browser, right?
obviously i do not condone racism or sexism or rudeness in any way, shape or form.
enjoy
obviously i do not condone racism or sexism or rudeness in any way, shape or form.
enjoy
NSFW:
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