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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread

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^ Made me laugh

Im not sure if this ones been done yet but

What dya call a black guy in a suit?
The accused

(I in no way support racism :))
 
One day Buckwheat and Darla go for a walk in the woods and they find a nice, shaded tree to hang out under. They're laying on the grass and start rolling around and kissing and Darla gives Buckwheat a blowjob.

The next day at school, all the little rascals are surprised with a spelling bee. When it gets to be Buckwheats turn, the teacher says "Now Buckwheat, I'm going to give you a word and you'll need to say it, spell it and use it in a sentence. Your word, is DICTATE."

"Ummmmm DICTATE. D-I-C-K-T-A-T-E. 'Hey Darla, how my DICKTATE?"
 
A young boy approaches his father one day and asks him;

''Daddy can you show me a magic trick please?''

His father tells him to go and ask his mother because he doesn't know any magic tricks.

He asks his mother;

''Mummy can you show me a magic trick please?''

His mother tells him to ask his grandfather because she doesn't know any magic tricks either.

The little boy asks his grandfather the same question.

His grandfather says yes then he tells the boy to pull down his trousers and pants and turn around. The grandfather then says;

''There son, can you feel my thumb in your arse?''

''Yes grandad'' replies the little boy.

''Look no hands!'' shouts the grandfather. :\
 
young 7 year old girl gets home from school one day with ripped clothing and scathes up her arms and neck. Running in the front door to dad in tears her dad asks "whats wrong?

little girl:(while crying and in a young babyish voice) i left the school playground and started walking to the bus stop when a man pulled up in a car, he said you had asked him to collect me and take me home.

dad: right, then what?

little girl: (sobbing now and dribbling) he got outta the car and opened the back door for me while producing a packet of sweets

dad: then what happened

little girl: he drove us off in the direction of home but then took a differnet root ( getting more emotional & crying evn more)

dad: ok, then what

little girl: no i can t say

dad: you have to tell me, dont worry this is important

little girl: ok, well we drove out tot he woods and he stopped the car..he asked me to get out and we started walking

dad: and then??

little girl: (still sobbing) we walked into the middle of the forest to a clearing

dad:( with eyes getting wider) and then what?

little girl: he told me not to tewll any one

dad: you have to

little girl.|: ok, well he took all of his clothes off and then mine so we both had no cloathes on

dad: ok, and then?

little girl: i cant say any more daddy

dad: you have to

little girl: but i cant

dad: why not?

little girl: but i cant remember daddy














dad: ( with cock in hand and wanking furiously)

















.....well make it up.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



edit: i should add it's copied and pasted i didn't take the time to type it all out. bit too much effort haha
 
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GOD is in heaven sat in a chair whenst Ghandhi arrives for a visit !!<3

GOD says 'Ghandhi wot do u believe in ????':)

Ghandhi says : I believe in freedom for the people and equal right s for individuals !!!!'<3

G says : Ah very good !!!!=D <3

Next Mthr Terese walks in !!8o

G asks : MT wot do u believe in ????<3

MT says : God I believe in helping the weak, poor and the sick+homeless !!!<3

G says: VERY GOOD !!!!;) %)

Eventually Gene Simmons enters .......................................................................

And God asks Gene Simmons 'Wot do you believe in then????????'8)

Gene replies ' I BELIEVE YOU ARE IN MY SEAT GOD !!!!! ':! %) %) 8)


Well I thought it were FUNNY in an ignorant mesogenistic way 8o %) !!!!!!
 
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......

'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'

'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'

'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'

'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.

And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

'Pepe... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'

'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?

'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Eees a Ham Bush.
 
An Irishman goes in to his local library and says "Can I have fish and chips to go please ?"=D

Librarian says "Sir THIS IS a LIBRAY (all in disgust like:p ) !!!"

So Irish fella says " Oh sorry .....................:\ *whispers* I'll have fish & chips please ";) =D =D <3
 
A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car saleroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.' I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly gent as he floored it to 110 mph, then 120, then 130 mph.

Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The man looked very seriously at the policeman and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.'

'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman.
 
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
 
Amy Winehouse bumps into Jeremy Clarkeson and they start to chat. She says to him "what do you do?"
He says "top gear"
She says "fucking brilliant, I'll have 3 grams"
 
OK, it means 'something warm please. With chest-hair.' - Loesje (Dutch Student).
 
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