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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread

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Not really a joke but....

There once was a young girl called Maddie
She had an irresponsible daddy
Snatched from her bed
She's probably dead
Raped by a Portuguese baddie

:\
 
A tourist walks into a Brighton curio/antique shop.

After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze Statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway.

He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?'

The owner replied: 'It's £12 for the rat, and £100 for the story.'

The tourist gives the owner his £12 and said: 'I'll just take the rat, You can keep the story.'

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him.

This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all
squealing and screeching in a very menacing way.

He increased his speed & ran on towards the beach, and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster & faster. By now very concerned, he ran down the pier and threw the bronze rat far out into the water.

Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned.

The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said, 'Ah, you've come back for the story then?'

'No,' said the tourist, 'I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim Fundamentalist Cleric, a couple of immigrants, a Poof, and anything French!'
 
A husband, wife and a son walk into an ice-cream shop.
The dad says, "I'll have a chocolate." The wife says,
"I'll have a vanilla."

Then the dad slaps his son in the back of the head and
says, "What do you want, fat head?"

The lady helping them says, "Why did you hit him in the
back of the head and call him fat head?"

The husband says, "There are three things in life a man
wants:

The first thing is a nice big truck. And you see that
nice big truck sitting out there??? That's my nice
truck!!!

The second thing in life a man wants is a nice big house.
You seen that nice big house on top of the hill on the
edge of town? That's my big house!!!

The third thing in life a man wants is a nice tight
pussy, and I had that until fat head came along!!!"
 
Did you hear about the man with 5 dicks?

His pants fitted him like a glove.
 
which jew joke are you referring to? I edited because you've been noted for liking white power bands/beliefs before and I don't think it's acceptable in this forum or anywhere else.

edit: I might have let it go if it was in the slightest bit funny, you even told the joke wrong :\
 
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When I was a very little girl I used to take great pleasure in telling this joke..... (forgive me I was a small child)

What time is when an Elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new fence.

I loved that when I was a wee girl. I was an odd child. I'd tell this joke to eveyone with glee.
Theses days i'm shit at retaining jokes.
 
Meh, shit joke I know, I couldnm't think of anything better at the time, and FYI, the only white power band I 'like' is screwdriver, the song 'snow fell', everything else they did, sounds like a combination of a drunken redneck singing, and the microwaving of a small furry mammal of some description.

(note, I do not advocate microwaving critters, unless they are of the chav variety=D)
 
A man walks into a bar with an Ostrich and a Cat.
"Who is getting the first round then?" He announces.
The cat says, "Not me, Not me You can fuck off, I'll get the next lot"
So the man duly gets the first round. "Whose getting the second then?" He announces.
Again the cat says, "Not me, Not me You can fuck off, I'll get the next lot"
So the Ostrich gets the drinks in this time around.
The third round duly materialioses and the cat has its head down as the man and the ostrich give him expectant looks. The cat raises his head, shakes it and declares "Look I'm not getting any fucking drinks, besides I'm off home soon anyhow" So the man asks if anyone wants a drink. Sure enough the Ostrich ands the Cat ask for pints again.

As the man grts to the bar, the proprietor of the establishment quite rightly enquires to the nature of this bizarre scenario.

Man replies "It was that fucking magic, lamp and that fucking genie. All I wished for was a bird with long legs and a tight pussy and thats what I got"
 
Cut and pasted from one I just came up with on an autie forum I haunt, for context, the thread was obvious humor that nobody gets, because they read it as normal, without analysing it, and crossings for the blind came up 'how do the blind people know where to cross'

And I came up with this new one, if you like cruelty to disabled people, and who doesn't eh? you might like this:

My theory about the blind cross signs, is there must be some standard depth of ditch, where Q is the quantity of water present, V is the velocity of the approaching vehicle, B the quantity of blind people present at any one puddle spot in any one time, and A(anger) how damn cross said blind people get when vehicle passes by at speed, hitting puddle on the way thus Q*V=BA=proportional amount of anger experienced by a given amount of blind people waiting at the crossing, when hit by filthy muddy water, driven faceward by a vehicle of a given velocity.

I know someone, a member of staff from my old boarding special school that used to take great delight in doing this, not to blind people, but just anybody that happened to be between a puddle and a speeding minibus going down country lanes, certainly not funny having it happen to you, and boy does it ever make one a cunt to delight in it, but we did, at the time=D
 
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 3; 1 to change the lightbulb, and 2 to suck my cock.
 
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