duck_racer
Bluelighter
Seuss the Ghandi joke is brilliant :D
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The Joke Thread
- Thread starter Harry@Piekarnia
- Start date
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dr seuss
Bluelight Crew
yeah i can't imagine how good it must have felt to come up with it :D
RainbowDrops
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2006
- Messages
- 585
Did you hear that they've brought out a portable stereo which looks like a big chocolate cake?
It's called a gateaux blaster.
:D
It's called a gateaux blaster.
:D
Acid4Blood
Bluelighter
Yesterday, a man was found dead in his ice-cream van, covered in 'hundreds & thousands'.
Police reckon he topped himself!
Police reckon he topped himself!
B9
Bluelight Crew
^ I liked that as well :D
UnfortunateSquid
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2005
- Messages
- 4,456
Bahahaha @ the freshly squeezed orange jews!
On a related note, why don't jews eat germans?
They give them gas.
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of aborted foetuses?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Two Irishmen walk into a post office and see a sign on the wall saying "Two black men wanted for rape". First Irish bloke says to the other; "fucking darkies get all the good jobs!" (my mate's mum texted that to his girlfriend the other day. Permissive family!)
That's all the completely wrong jokes I can bring to mind right now!
On a related note, why don't jews eat germans?
They give them gas.
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of aborted foetuses?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Two Irishmen walk into a post office and see a sign on the wall saying "Two black men wanted for rape". First Irish bloke says to the other; "fucking darkies get all the good jobs!" (my mate's mum texted that to his girlfriend the other day. Permissive family!)
That's all the completely wrong jokes I can bring to mind right now!
Last edited:
B9
Bluelight Crew
^ That's pretty fucking funny but wrong as well , which makes it even funnier! LOL!
TheSpade
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 15, 2005
- Messages
- 37,782
A black guy comes running into the docters surgery and starts doing laps of the doctors desk.
The doctor says "Sit down son and tell me whats wrong".
The black man responds "I cant doctor, I've been running non stop now for 3 weeks, I cant stop and nothing will tire me out"
The doctor thinks for a second then reaches into his drawer, he pulls out a bag full of white powder and tips it on the desk. Using a credit card he chops up a hefty line of the powder and hands the man a ten pound note telling him "to snort this line as you run round".
The black man runs round and snorts the line. Almost instantly he slows down into a jog.
The doctor then chops another even bigger line and tells him to do the same again. He does and slows down yet again into a fast walk.
The doctor says "one more line should do it" and proceeds to chop out the biggest line yet. The black guy runs round one more time and triumphently snorts this mammoth line and falls straight into a chair puffing and panting for breath.
Releaved the black guy says to the doctor "Doctor, please tell me what is this white powder...cocaine?".
The doctor says "Don't be silly son, it's Ariel. Ariel stops the colours running"
The doctor says "Sit down son and tell me whats wrong".
The black man responds "I cant doctor, I've been running non stop now for 3 weeks, I cant stop and nothing will tire me out"
The doctor thinks for a second then reaches into his drawer, he pulls out a bag full of white powder and tips it on the desk. Using a credit card he chops up a hefty line of the powder and hands the man a ten pound note telling him "to snort this line as you run round".
The black man runs round and snorts the line. Almost instantly he slows down into a jog.
The doctor then chops another even bigger line and tells him to do the same again. He does and slows down yet again into a fast walk.
The doctor says "one more line should do it" and proceeds to chop out the biggest line yet. The black guy runs round one more time and triumphently snorts this mammoth line and falls straight into a chair puffing and panting for breath.
Releaved the black guy says to the doctor "Doctor, please tell me what is this white powder...cocaine?".
The doctor says "Don't be silly son, it's Ariel. Ariel stops the colours running"
LvMkngFlwrChld
Bluelighter
so this guy staggers into his trailer with a sheep under his arm. his wife is in there so he says "this is the pig i have to sleep withwhen you arent around"
"thats not a pig, that a sheep" his wife replies
"i wasnt talkin to you woman i was talking to the sheep!"
"thats not a pig, that a sheep" his wife replies
"i wasnt talkin to you woman i was talking to the sheep!"
B9
Bluelight Crew
^ heh not too bad at all!
kappadaftie
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2004
- Messages
- 4,203
what's the difference between sex and rape?
NSFW:
kappadaftie
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2004
- Messages
- 4,203
black man walks into a bar with a massive parrot on his shoulder
the barman says 'fuckin hell! where did you get that thing?!'
the barman says 'fuckin hell! where did you get that thing?!'
NSFW:
B9
Bluelight Crew
^ Yep both pretty good Kappa
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
How was copper wire invented?
Once, two Jew's grabbed the same coin.
A guy phones work and says he can't come in cos he's sick.
"Sick!" screams his boss "Sick! This is the tenth time this month.Exactly how sick are you?"
"Well, I'm in bed with my 9 year old sister"
Whats grey,sits on the end of your bed,and takes the piss out of you?
A kidney dialysis machine.
Q: why are Aspirins made white?
A: you want them to work, don't you?
Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: ... Right wheree you left him.
A man walks into Asda and slaps his knob on the check out and says - "Now roll that fucker back"
"Doctor! I think my wife is dead."
"How can you tell?"
"Well, the sex is still the same but the dishes are piling up."
Jesus walks into the Hilton hotel with 3 nails and says, "Can you put me up for Easter?"
what happens when a jewish boy with a boner runs into a wall?
he breaks his nose
Get a shoe or a boot and blow cigarette smoke into it - what is that?
An israeli waiting for a bus!
What's worse than having MIchael Jackon babysit your kids?
Havin Ian Huntley bath them.
(Disclaimer: I'm not racist. It's all in good fun)
Once, two Jew's grabbed the same coin.
A guy phones work and says he can't come in cos he's sick.
"Sick!" screams his boss "Sick! This is the tenth time this month.Exactly how sick are you?"
"Well, I'm in bed with my 9 year old sister"
Whats grey,sits on the end of your bed,and takes the piss out of you?
A kidney dialysis machine.
Q: why are Aspirins made white?
A: you want them to work, don't you?
Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: ... Right wheree you left him.
A man walks into Asda and slaps his knob on the check out and says - "Now roll that fucker back"
"Doctor! I think my wife is dead."
"How can you tell?"
"Well, the sex is still the same but the dishes are piling up."
Jesus walks into the Hilton hotel with 3 nails and says, "Can you put me up for Easter?"
what happens when a jewish boy with a boner runs into a wall?
he breaks his nose
Get a shoe or a boot and blow cigarette smoke into it - what is that?
An israeli waiting for a bus!
What's worse than having MIchael Jackon babysit your kids?
Havin Ian Huntley bath them.
(Disclaimer: I'm not racist. It's all in good fun)
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
A white man walks into a pub in Oldham, totally shattered, screaming “All Muslims are shitheads".
A man sitting in the corner shouts, “I take serious offense to that ! It's a bloody lie !”
The white guy asks, “Why? Are you a Muslim?”
He replies proudly, “No. I'm a shithead.”
What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
A clit round the ear and a flap across the face
An Iranian shi'ite muslim, an american soldier and two jews walk into a bar, the jews say 'two lemonades please' and the iraqi terrorist bartender blows himself up.....
Q-- What's the difference between a Christian blow-up doll and a Muslim blow-up doll?
A-- The Muslim one blows itself up.
what do you call a pakistani lesbian
mingeeta
The NME didn't publish this interview with Stevie Wonder....
NME: "Stevie, what's it like being blind?"
Stevie: "Well. it could have been worse. I could've been black."
I was in a bookshop the other day, and saw a book with the title "Living with Alzheimers Disease" I thought to myself " that looks interesting" so i had a look on the back to see what the critics had to say about it, and it said, "I found this book surprisingly...........in the fridge!!
A man sitting in the corner shouts, “I take serious offense to that ! It's a bloody lie !”
The white guy asks, “Why? Are you a Muslim?”
He replies proudly, “No. I'm a shithead.”
What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
A clit round the ear and a flap across the face
An Iranian shi'ite muslim, an american soldier and two jews walk into a bar, the jews say 'two lemonades please' and the iraqi terrorist bartender blows himself up.....
Q-- What's the difference between a Christian blow-up doll and a Muslim blow-up doll?
A-- The Muslim one blows itself up.
what do you call a pakistani lesbian
mingeeta
The NME didn't publish this interview with Stevie Wonder....
NME: "Stevie, what's it like being blind?"
Stevie: "Well. it could have been worse. I could've been black."
I was in a bookshop the other day, and saw a book with the title "Living with Alzheimers Disease" I thought to myself " that looks interesting" so i had a look on the back to see what the critics had to say about it, and it said, "I found this book surprisingly...........in the fridge!!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
A girl is watching her father shower. She points to his penis and says, "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for work!"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
What uses a gallon of petrol in 15 seconds and doesn't move?
a buddhist monk
What is better than winning a medal at the Paraplegic-olympics?
Having two legs.
What's invisible and smells like dog food?
A pensioner's fart.
What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
Nice tits!
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
What uses a gallon of petrol in 15 seconds and doesn't move?
a buddhist monk
What is better than winning a medal at the Paraplegic-olympics?
Having two legs.
What's invisible and smells like dog food?
A pensioner's fart.
What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
Nice tits!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
What's the best thing about getting a hand job from an 8-year old?
You look HUGE!
There are these two penises walking down the streeet, and they see a gay bar. one turns and says to the other "Hey, let's go in there and get shit faced!"
Q: Why do girls fake orgasm?
A: Who cares?
"Ask me if I'm a tree"
"What"?
"Ask me if I'm a tree"
"Are you a tree"?
"No"
Why do women wear white at weddings?
To match the fridge, and the oven...
The newquay world surfing championship was won today by a surprised sri lanken on a deck chair
Q.) What's worse than having sex with a 4 year old?
A.) Having her tell you she's had better!
You look HUGE!
There are these two penises walking down the streeet, and they see a gay bar. one turns and says to the other "Hey, let's go in there and get shit faced!"
Q: Why do girls fake orgasm?
A: Who cares?
"Ask me if I'm a tree"
"What"?
"Ask me if I'm a tree"
"Are you a tree"?
"No"
Why do women wear white at weddings?
To match the fridge, and the oven...
The newquay world surfing championship was won today by a surprised sri lanken on a deck chair
Q.) What's worse than having sex with a 4 year old?
A.) Having her tell you she's had better!
cucarot
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 20, 2006
- Messages
- 1,101
a drunk walks into a bar,sits down,and demands a drink.
"get out " the bartender shouts."i don't serve drunks here."
the guy staggers out the front door , comes in through the side door,sits down,bangs his fist , and again loudly demands a drink .
" i thought i just told you to get out,"yells the bartender.
the drunk gets up,stumbles out the side door,and returns through the back door.he sits down and angrily calls for a drink.
the bartender walks over and shouts,"i told you,no drunks allowed.now get the hell out!"
the drunk looks up and slurs,"how many freakin bars you work at,anyway?"
"get out " the bartender shouts."i don't serve drunks here."
the guy staggers out the front door , comes in through the side door,sits down,bangs his fist , and again loudly demands a drink .
" i thought i just told you to get out,"yells the bartender.
the drunk gets up,stumbles out the side door,and returns through the back door.he sits down and angrily calls for a drink.
the bartender walks over and shouts,"i told you,no drunks allowed.now get the hell out!"
the drunk looks up and slurs,"how many freakin bars you work at,anyway?"
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