The Holidays

[nuttynutskin]

Obviously for a lot of families the holidays seem to be great occasions where everyone gets along, eats good food and shares good company. But for people in dysfunctional families/relationships it seems to be the opposite and that underlying tensions are brought to the surface from trying to interact with people you usually ignore, and too much liquid libations. So my question is where do the holidays fit in with you? For me it's definitely the latter. If it were up to me I would just as soon see all holidays wiped off the calendar, but obviously everyone doesn't feel that way.

 

[Corazon]

Obviously for a lot of families the holidays seem to be great occasions where everyone gets along, eats good food and shares good company. But for people in dysfunctional families/relationships it seems to be the opposite and that underlying tensions are brought to the surface from trying to interact with people you usually ignore, and too much liquid libations. So my question is where do the holidays fit in with you? For me it's definitely the latter. If it were up to me I would just as soon see all holidays wiped off the calendar, but obviously everyone doesn't feel that way.

I hate the holidays.
My family feels obliged to include me, and they act oblivious to the hell that I am in. They also do not know me at all. So I try to sit and be low-key for a few hours and not go crazy and upset my elderly grandmother or something. They are nice people, I just am very different, and extremely unhappy.
I also hate that I'm not able to participate and buy things for my children. Last year I was able to move heaven and earth and somehow buy presents for both of my kids. This year I don't have enough for my bills, and it will just be cards. I feel like the holidays distance me further from my kids, and add pressure and further weaken my relationship with their mothers.

It used to be nice. Some ceremonial shit you do with loved ones. Now it's basically just another event that I don't get to take part in. It ramps up my stress level a ton, which can be good if I am able to focus some of that into working towards goals.

 

[Xorkoth]

I'm sorry for all of those who don't find pleasure in the holidays. Personally I love them, but my family and I are very close. I live 700 miles away from them so I don't see them often, but I always go back for 2 weeks for Christmas time. I don't for Thanksgiving anymore, now I do things with my friends instead because it's just too much to do that trip twice. This year I actually did 2 Thanksgiving dinners (in the same day 8( ), the first at my good friend's parents' house and the second with my girl with friends of hers.

I'm really looking forward to seeing my parents/siblings for Christmas... in 2 weeks from yesterday I'm heading back there until the end of the month. I'll get to see some old friends from college/high school too, and I'm going to meet a Bluelighter probably who I've known for years who lives around there.

 

[herbavore]

The hype of the holidays is horrible and I feel like even in the happiest of families it has an insidious effect. Thanks for starting this thread, nutty. Maybe we should re-title it to solicit suggestions for what to do to counteract the media blitz that makes people feel so alone, inadequate and unhappy. Here are some things I can think of:

The do-able list:

1) Take 5 minutes when you wake up each morning to lie there and reflect on anything you are grateful for. Then arm yourself with the knowledge that your gratefulness is going to be under attack from marketing everywhere you turn and tell yourself that you can see it for what it is (an attempt to make you buy) and that rather than feeling either inadequate and succumbing to the pressure or feeling inadequate and carrying the resentment in yourself you will just observe it and let it go.

2) If you do not want to spend time in a dysfunctional family gathering....don't. Maybe there are ways to minimize your time there but if not, arrange to do something with someone else or volunteer to do something for someone that prevents you from going (pet-sitting?)

3) take hikes or walks or somehow get yourself out to an area that has natural beauty. It is the best way to sidestep all the hype.

4) This is a hard one for a lot of people but consider turning off your TV and just watching dvds or streamed movies and staying out of stores unless they are for food. I am amazed at how sucked in I get just from walking into a store at this time of year. They put out all sorts of 'good deals' and enticements and you can find yourself spending $$ you really don't have.

5) If you have a family that is receptive you can suggest that no one buy anything and that as gifts you exchange services like fixing things for someone that doesn't have the skills or building something or even cleaning and gardening. I once gave a present of a pie a month for a year to someone and they still say it was the best present ever.

We can't make the holidays go away but we can transform them for ourselves quite a bit. Resenting what is never gets you very far but changing how you perceive it and react to it--and certainly how much you participate in it--can be very empowering.

What are some other suggestions people have for sidestepping all the tension and loneliness that this time of year brings up?

 

[fizzymk]

I hate the holidays too...Last week, I decided to attend my brothers thanksgiving, at his new house, with his wife and 4 kids, my dad and 2 other brothers went too. I regret going now, the food was great, but I hated just being there, it seems the rest of my family is so successful in their careers, my brother just built this HUGE fucking house, more like a mansion, has nice new cars, nice things, etc, makes great money. they all know I have a heroin problem and I kind of felt like I was from a different family when there...like I dont fit in with my own family anymore, Id have rather been with friends getting high, or sitting home alone getting high!

After that, I think Im going to skip christmas with my family

 

[neversickanymore]

Holidays.. ugg what are you going to do.. I just dig in and deal with the shit and try to make the best out them and not let the fucking nonsense drive me up a wall. Then i get to enjoy the good parts.

 

[harmacologist]

I hate the holidays. I sit in a stupid house with stupid people opening stupid expensive gifts, and there are millions of people starving to death all over the world. Santa makes me sick, because I think of malnourished african children.

 

[black kat]

The lousiest thing is when your family knows everything about what youre going through,still they act like its magically gone during the holiday season.

I mean its ok trying to be in an uplifting spirit but i know that everyday of the year,when they look at me they think of drugs,doing lines,popping pills etc(a disgusting image for people who are not familiar w drugs).Dont pretend that all this goes away just because its the last week of December.

 

[aroma borealis]

Get your ducks in order ahead of time so you don't have to go out and cop on Christmas. I have had to before, and that was depressing.

 

[MissBehavin'_416]

Holidays are always such a sad time for me. But then again every single day of my life is sadder than the last. I always feel alone. It's always the same things, same stories, same food, same everything. It was never a normal atmosphere in my family. Ever. It's always something that goes wrong, or some kind of argument, some kind of poverty. I always felt bad for using though on holidays.
In the last few years though I started to like, or even love Christmas for one and primary reason alone - Jesus Christ.
I went to a Christmas party yesterday and I was balling my eyes out for a couple of hrs. I might have pooped on everyone's party just a little.