-The- Heroin & Opioid Mega Discussion Thread (Volumes 1+2 Merged)

[Pagey]

Please tell me how you deal with the negative feelings once you quit heroin or other opiates. I want heroin so bad it's horrible. Last night I dreamt I was shooting up and I woke up with this incredible feeling until I remembered two seconds later that I'm never that happy now. Nothing makes me feel so good and I just want it so bad again. Please tell me how to deal with this.

 

[motherofearth]

Please tell me how you deal with the negative feelings once you quit heroin or other opiates. I want heroin so bad it's horrible. Last night I dreamt I was shooting up and I woke up with this incredible feeling until I remembered two seconds later that I'm never that happy now. Nothing makes me feel so good and I just want it so bad again. Please tell me how to deal with this.

The dreams are truly terrible. They seem to be the longest lingering stain of heroin addiction for me. I try to have a routine in place when I roll out of bed to take my mind out of the using mentality. You'll have to personalize one for you. Routine in general is very good for early recovery and beyond.

Aside from that, finding things adverse to heroin addiction to fill your time and grant you succor in life is the best idea I can think of to ward off the dark post-heroin clouds.

 

[Pagey]

^Yeah, they really are. I'll be thinking I'm doing better and then I have a dream like that and it just sets me back so much
I'll try to think of a routine like that. It's so easy to give advice to others on how to stay clean and try not to think about using again but I'm so far from being able to apply it to myself...
Thanks a lot for your answer.

 

[motherofearth]

It's so easy to give advice to others on how to stay clean and try not to think about using again but I'm so far from being able to apply it to myself...

qft, qft.

 

[Serotonin101]

detox -> inpatient -> long term outpatient with 12 step meetings works for a lot of people. need the detox to get clean, inpatient to promote some short term abstinence and learn coping skills, and outpatient with 12 step meetings for long term support and keeping your new foundation established. really helps not being involved with people who still use. changing your people, places, and things is important. and as was said establishing a recovery oriented routine is important. its what I did and what I'm still doing. and I'm still clean. the dreams don't bother me anymore, I look at them as "freebies" in that I get the good without the bad.

 

[motherofearth]

I remember being at an NA meeting where the topic of dreams came up. The person had the same problem in their dreams I do: something usually prevented me from getting high (ie no water or cooker, spilling the gear etc). But when you actually succeed in getting high in a dream it's considered a "freebie" lol.

Glad to hear you are keeping strong serotonin

 

[Serotonin101]

life is going fantastic for me now. I'm back together with my fiance, her mom is alright with me again since I got clean. I feel better than I ever felt before.

 

[ErikTheRed]

^Lots of respect for those who are clean or fighting to get there. I'm on Suboxone, which I only consider "half-clean," or something along those lines. Fortunately, I've been able to stay away from real opiates for almost 10 months as a result.

Am I alone in finding the holiday season especially craving-inducing? I can't help but associate Halloween with drugs and partying. Thanksgiving and Christmas usually entailed some kind of ritual drug use as well. Do others find the holiday season so trying? Does anyone have any particular strategies to keep craving to a minimum during this time of the year?

 

[Serotonin101]

^ tell me about it. about a year ago I relapsed and it was almost a year ago exactly my fiance and I broke up due to my using. I orient my life around recovery and spend a lot of time with clean people. it helps me out a lot. also spending time in tds helps me out too.

 

[Mzral]

Currently in withdrawal (cold turkey) but I'm truly going for sobriety this time. As much as I love heroin and opiates, in general, I can't live like this anymore. I need a drug so I can feel comfortable and be able to sleep? This has to end. The only good thing is I don't even feel like using at the moment, despite feeling horrible.

 

[podsnomo]

Currently in withdrawal (cold turkey) but I'm truly going for sobriety this time. As much as I love heroin and opiates, in general, I can't live like this anymore. I need a drug so I can feel comfortable and be able to sleep? This has to end. The only good thing is I don't even feel like using at the moment, despite feeling horrible.

Hang in there. I know the insomnia can be maddening. They say opiate withdrawal is just painful and miserable, but not dangerous. I disagree. My psychological symptoms got so bad I was dangerous to myself and maybe to others, though luckily nothing bad happened.

When mine was the worst, my WDs I mean, I killed a pint of 100 proof vodka and took an ambien and 1mg klonopin. That knocked me out, and I had a hangover the next day, but I was glad I slept. That combo though could KILL someone, especially without a tolerance to alcohol and/or benzos.

My point is, if you can make it on your home detox, fine. I barely did. Just get a plan in place, please, so that if you get crazy enough you can get somewhere that can help you. If all that plan is is directions to the nearest ER and someone who is willing to come get you and take you, fine. A detox place is better, but an ER will take you no matter what. It's better than accidentally dying while trying to get clean.

Be safe. Know that a better place awaits you on the other side of this road.

pnm

 

[motherofearth]

Currently in withdrawal (cold turkey) but I'm truly going for sobriety this time. As much as I love heroin and opiates, in general, I can't live like this anymore. I need a drug so I can feel comfortable and be able to sleep? This has to end. The only good thing is I don't even feel like using at the moment, despite feeling horrible.

During the worst of my addiction I kept revisiting this sentiment until it finally took hold - I have to spend hundreds of dollars each day just to feel alright. This isn't sustainable.

Best of luck. I've CT once before and I would never (willingly) do it again.

 

[Sepher]

Please tell me how you deal with the negative feelings once you quit heroin or other opiates. I want heroin so bad it's horrible. Last night I dreamt I was shooting up and I woke up with this incredible feeling until I remembered two seconds later that I'm never that happy now. Nothing makes me feel so good and I just want it so bad again. Please tell me how to deal with this.

^Yeah, they really are. I'll be thinking I'm doing better and then I have a dream like that and it just sets me back so much

These dreams never go away completely Pagey, not IME. I still have them and I've not shot up in 11 years FFS! Frustration dreams exactly like MOE said they're always about trying to get a score together, or a shot together, but never quite getting there. No matter what I do in my dreams something always prevents me from shooting up. I sometimes wake from them feeling like I should be rattling, and wondering why I'm not. And then comes the relief . . . I'm not rattling cos I don't do this shit anymore . . . That's how I deal with them. I immediately look for the positive, flip it. You need to find a way to flip the dream into something positive too.

You said 'I'm never that happy now. Nothing makes me feel so good and I just want it so bad again.' So why did you stop? If you were so happy being an addict, how on earth did you quit? I suspect that in fact you were far from happy being an addict and it was only that that gave you the motivation to quit it. Stop looking at your heroin use through these rose tinted specs of nostalgia and see it for what it is: an evil fucker of a disease that destroys lives and sucks all the joy out of the world when you're on it. Be glad when you wake from these dreams that you are rid of it. Flip it around into a positive. I think you also need to work hard at finding some joy in your life. You seem to be lacking in joy a lot lately and that's not good. You need some pleasures available to help you battle the questionable temptations of H, no matter where you get it so long as it's healthy. Think that should really be your mission at the moment, put yourself out there, find something fun to do FFS.

Currently in withdrawal (cold turkey) but I'm truly going for sobriety this time. As much as I love heroin and opiates, in general, I can't live like this anymore. I need a drug so I can feel comfortable and be able to sleep? This has to end. The only good thing is I don't even feel like using at the moment, despite feeling horrible.

Hey Mzral. Congrats on your decision to stop. I wish you well, in every sense of the word. Ride that shit out. From one ex-addict to a soon to be one, I wish you the absolute best of luck! How far in are you? This day 1? You not got anything to help? Keep us updated how you're doing. If it starts feeling like it's too much and you need to bail plenty here can advise on OTC stuff that can really help moderate the worst of it without you needing to score so keep talking to us, yeah, let us know how you're doing?

 

[Pagey]

These dreams never go away completely Pagey, not IME. I still have them and I've not shot up in 11 years FFS! Frustration dreams exactly like MOE said they're always about trying to get a score together, or a shot together, but never quite getting there. No matter what I do in my dreams something always prevents me from shooting up. I sometimes wake from them feeling like I should be rattling, and wondering why I'm not. And then comes the relief . . . I'm not rattling cos I don't do this shit anymore . . . That's how I deal with them. I immediately look for the positive, flip it. You need to find a way to flip the dream into something positive too.

You said 'I'm never that happy now. Nothing makes me feel so good and I just want it so bad again.' So why did you stop? If you were so happy being an addict, how on earth did you quit? I suspect that in fact you were far from happy being an addict and it was only that that gave you the motivation to quit it. Stop looking at your heroin use through these rose tinted specs of nostalgia and see it for what it is: an evil fucker of a disease that destroys lives and sucks all the joy out of the world when you're on it. Be glad when you wake from these dreams that you are rid of it. Flip it around into a positive. I think you also need to work hard at finding some joy in your life. You seem to be lacking in joy a lot lately and that's not good. You need some pleasures available to help you battle the questionable temptations of H, no matter where you get it so long as it's healthy. Think that should really be your mission at the moment, put yourself out there, find something fun to do FFS.

Hey Sepher, thanks a lot for your answer. Truth is the only reason I quit heroin is because I had a really easy connec that isn't available to me anymore and I'm not quite sure how to go about finding a new dealer; also I do know the potential it has of hurting me so I'm not searching too actively. Also money's quite tight. But I think it's making it all the more difficult for me, because I never got in any way close to the point where it's really problematic with heroin. I have with other drugs but of course I feel the need to differentiate them...
Anyway yes, I've been having a lot of trouble lately and H was the only thing that was keeping me going/the only thing I found pleasure in and I do know I need to find other sources for that but well, easier said than done obviously. But I'm trying.
Thanks again.

 

[motherofearth]

Hey Sepher, thanks a lot for your answer. Truth is the only reason I quit heroin is because I had a really easy connec that isn't available to me anymore and I'm not quite sure how to go about finding a new dealer; also I do know the potential it has of hurting me so I'm not searching too actively. Also money's quite tight. But I think it's making it all the more difficult for me, because I never got in any way close to the point where it's really problematic with heroin. I have with other drugs but of course I feel the need to differentiate them...
Anyway yes, I've been having a lot of trouble lately and H was the only thing that was keeping me going/the only thing I found pleasure in and I do know I need to find other sources for that but well, easier said than done obviously. But I'm trying.
Thanks again.

I remember some quote from Marianne Faithful in which she stated something like, "Heroin saved my life, b/c at certain times I've been suicidal and heroin was the only thing I had to live for." ....I guess this could be true, but I don't really believe it. Personally, if all I truly had left in my life was heroin I don't think I could go on. There's always something else there IMO. Heroin certainly (and does) take priority, and when it is like that I think it becomes easy to excuse and take for granted the other things in life which are important - no matter what they are. That's what this drug does, it streamlines all happiness into a single aspect for which you live, breath and toil. It's not that there aren't other things, they've just lost their scope and consistency when juxtaposed w/ junk.

 

[Sepher]

That's what this drug does, it streamlines all happiness into a single aspect for which you live, breath and toil. It's not that there aren't other things, they've just lost their scope and consistency when juxtaposed w/ junk

^This^. This is both its attraction and its danger. For those who's emotional life is chaotic heroin's ability to enhance and stabilise mood is its chief attraction, more so than the physical effects. Here is the beginning of psychological addiction: reliance on it as a mood stabiliser. It simplifies things, but to the point that without it we cannot function at all in time. It becomes our sole objective in life: to not be sick. Even this simplification has its attractions once you're in addiction territory. In the early days of addiction when it's still manageable we may be willing to trade a little here believing even addiction is a price worth paying for the rewards heroin offers at first. It's best to never get that far. You must learn to like life without heroin as much or more than life with heroin, or otherwise you have problems. You can't chip with it forever once you're using it like that. Will only go one way.

I do know I need to find other sources for that but well, easier said than done obviously.

It is difficult, no question, but you have to do it. You have to push yourself, even when you really can't be arsed. The more you do the easier it will become ,the more rewarding it will get, the more motivated you'll get to do more of it but you must make the start. Baby steps, all it takes.

 

[pillboxskid]

Im fighting a love hate relationship with my nemesis Dihydrocodeine!!!!!

 

[Mzral]

Hey guys, thanks for the the encouragement and support. Unfortunately I caved in. And Sepher, to answer your question I scored and did just one shot about 33 hours into my w/d. It was the stomach cramping and heartburn that ultimately did me in, obviously coupled with aches and pain. Despite not making it through without my DOC, I am at least somewhat glad that I was able to abstain from doing more than just one shot this evening, just to get me out of w/d. Normally I would have shot the entire bag before I would turn in for the night.

::sigh::

Not sure how much this is going to set me back now. I'm not sure if I literally have to start all over, or if I'll only have a certain percentage of symptoms, having just did one shot, as opposed to an entire bag. I do fully expect to w/d again, at which point I'll probably fix another shot from my supply, to get me back to normal. A buddy of mine is getting me some seroquel this weekend, as I am planning out another kick, and since seroquel usually kicks my ass and puts me right into a deep slumber for many hours, I'm certain I can bypass any insomnia and hopefully sleep through the worst of it, so I can be good for work on Monday and get this monkey off my back. My friend also has access to subs, and though I'm trying to avoid that route because I'll still be forced to w/d, I may use it to taper with, if I feel it's absolutely necessary (as a last resort).

 

[VanWeyden]

Hey MoE, hey everyone, I'm back on the clean train again, third day and counting. But it hat to get worse to get better again. I had a decent run, my tolerance skyrocketed so much I plugged 120mg of Oxy on Friday and got over the weekend with some more, some weed and Tram. On monday I stole some pills from the hospital I work at and also some Midazolam vials along with som Ketamine which I took Tuesday evening. It was my first ket and it was kind of disturbing. I had insufflated some 40mg when I got mad and decided to mainline some. 10mg in, nothing 20mg in and I was out of my mind. I think that's what you call a k-hole... bad man. However, I talked my bad state of mind through with my therapist and I discussed my relapse with my self-help group and I'm feeling better day after day. I even confessed to my roomie, she reacted really cool and didn't even blame me whatsoever. However, my gf still doesn't know about it but I'll tell her soon.

 

[motherofearth]

Hey MoE, hey everyone, I'm back on the clean train again, third day and counting. But it hat to get worse to get better again. I had a decent run, my tolerance skyrocketed so much I plugged 120mg of Oxy on Friday and got over the weekend with some more, some weed and Tram. On monday I stole some pills from the hospital I work at and also some Midazolam vials along with som Ketamine which I took Tuesday evening. It was my first ket and it was kind of disturbing. I had insufflated some 40mg when I got mad and decided to mainline some. 10mg in, nothing 20mg in and I was out of my mind. I think that's what you call a k-hole... bad man. However, I talked my bad state of mind through with my therapist and I discussed my relapse with my self-help group and I'm feeling better day after day. I even confessed to my roomie, she reacted really cool and didn't even blame me whatsoever. However, my gf still doesn't know about it but I'll tell her soon.

It takes some real resolve to not only pick yourself back up, but to be honest w/ those closest to you about relapse. You are ensuring yourself a good path by doing so. I'm on day 4 after a chipping run which inevitably turned into a minor habit again. I went for a run this morning and I feel great. Gonna go to my usual Friday night self-help group for the first time in over a month too. We're in vulnerable spots right now, Van, but we know what we need to do.