The drug of selfishness

[seahawks168]

So I'm writing this right now more to convince myself to not go back to opiates. Been off of vicodin for about 3 weeks, and my mind is a lot clearer, but i cannot escape the thought that I cannot live a happy life without opiates.

But then as I begin to overcome that feeling of numbness, I find myself actually getting feelings back. The love for my family and friends that had been masked by the veil of opiates had made itself known to me again.

What is life if I just live it for myself, i.e getting high all the time? Yes, I want to create a happy life for myself, but living a life dedicated to selfishness is the ultimate insult to everything my family has instilled in me. I no longer want to quit for just myself, but so I can be a better person for my family and friends. When I was on drugs I was so focused on living in the moment, enjoying my time in blissful, isolated numbness, that I forgot about the bigger picture. IMO, opiates are truly the drug of selfishness, and I hope I can keep from making the same mistakes again.

 

[P.o.T.u.S]

Opiates dont make people selfish..habit and addiction make people selfish..i was selfish when i used opiates because i just wanted to feel good but feeling good made me a more giving person.

 

[swilow]

Opiates dont make people selfish..habit and addiction make people selfish..i was selfish when i used opiates because i just wanted to feel good but feeling good made me a more giving person.

I agree in part here, but opiates have a similar effect on mental pain or discomfort to what it has on physical pain. Indeed, the addiction part is the primary negative, but the emotional blunting of opiates creates a kind of void around the user that not much can touch. I think its impossible to be in a relationship with someone who is addicted to opiates. I have been the addict in my relationship, with Miss Willow being largely clean. My past addictions subsumed my relationship. I couldn't have a date night unless I was on heroin, couldn't really enjoy holidays because I would need heroin, health issues, no sex drive, etc. It was the third wheel, the unwanted menage a trois. I find it hard to imagine how opiate addiciton could make you a more giving person- are you sure that's not wishful thinking? Feeling love, or any emotional extreme, is very difficult on opiates.

But we should be cautious when trying to find an external cause for our behaviour. As appealing and intuitive ideas of drugs causing selfish behavior, the ultimate onus if on you. One must take responsibility for their choices- claiming that it was the drugs is disengenuous and will disempower you, making sobriety a more difficult outcome to achieve.

and I hope I can keep from making the same mistakes again.

I hope the same thing for both me AND you Thanks for sharing your little story- its always good for an ex-addict like me to hear of another ex-addict like you Isn't it great, this NOT being addicted?

 

[seahawks168]

Thanks willow! And just to be clear, I never meant to say that the drug is to blame. I take full responsibility for my actions and selfishness. It just seems to bring out those qualities in me lol.

Yeah BL has gotten me through a lot, being able to relate to other ex addicts and all. Its hard to shake the cravings, but im consuming my time with my new job and working out. Better to keep busy!

How long have you been clean? I wish the best for you and Miss Willow!

 

[Ninae]

Feeling love, or any emotional extreme, is very difficult on opiates.

I have to disagree. Making it easy to feel so much love was the main thing that attracted me to opiates. Any opiates seem to work, although it's artificial.

 

[pill_billy]

So I'm writing this right now more to convince myself to not go back to opiates. Been off of vicodin for about 3 weeks, and my mind is a lot clearer, but i cannot escape the thought that I cannot live a happy life without opiates.

But then as I begin to overcome that feeling of numbness, I find myself actually getting feelings back. The love for my family and friends that had been masked by the veil of opiates had made itself known to me again.

What is life if I just live it for myself, i.e getting high all the time? Yes, I want to create a happy life for myself, but living a life dedicated to selfishness is the ultimate insult to everything my family has instilled in me. I no longer want to quit for just myself, but so I can be a better person for my family and friends. When I was on drugs I was so focused on living in the moment, enjoying my time in blissful, isolated numbness, that I forgot about the bigger picture. IMO, opiates are truly the drug of selfishness, and I hope I can keep from making the same mistakes again.

hey man i feel your pain... it is a fucking struggle, ive been "clean" for little under a month now... ive gotten high 2 times since so not clean clean but not WDin either... anyways you should look into trying DLPA, that shit really helped me to deal with the depressingness of sobriety... but just keep your head up and try n look forward

 

[swilow]

Thanks willow! And just to be clear, I never meant to say that the drug is to blame. I take full responsibility for my actions and selfishness. It just seems to bring out those qualities in me lol.

Yeah BL has gotten me through a lot, being able to relate to other ex addicts and all. Its hard to shake the cravings, but im consuming my time with my new job and working out. Better to keep busy!

How long have you been clean? I wish the best for you and Miss Willow!

Thanks I agree with the taking responsibility thing too...

I've been clean for about 2 years. I've actually lost track exactly which is good I guess.

I have to disagree. Making it easy to feel so much love was the main thing that attracted me to opiates. Any opiates seem to work, although it's artificial.

I guess YMMV. For me, opiates could induce a sort of generally apathetic love towards people but in the end I just felt dead. But then I was in benzo w/d too and sufferring from blackouts, extreme dissociation, psychosis, grand mal and abscent seizures, etc. By that stage, I had no feelings left except constant white (black?) noise... I shiver in dread at even recalling this TBH... Thank fuck its over

 

[Ninae]

Benzo withdrawal and the aftermath is the time for aggression. There's no real room for anything else. Stressful.

It's like your stress levels are so high you spend all your energy trying to keep yourself calm just so you won't die from a heart-attack. Then if someone disturbs you, you just explode and blast them with so much aggression it nearly floors them.

 

[Foreigner]

Humanity as it currently stands is mainly driven by selfishness, and it's this lack of compassion that cumulatively drives people to seek connection through substances and other unhealthy but feel-good behaviors. Drug addiction may be selfish but it's often brought on by seeking upliftment and connection that one's environment or human peers are not providing.

If humans would ditch this modern competitive model and start looking out for each other, addiction would probably disappear.

 

[pill_billy]

Humanity as it currently stands is mainly driven by selfishness, and it's this lack of compassion that cumulatively drives people to seek connection through substances and other unhealthy but feel-good behaviors. Drug addiction may be selfish but it's often brought on by seeking upliftment and connection that one's environment or human peers are not providing.

If humans would ditch this modern competitive model and start looking out for each other, addiction would probably disappear.

thats all sounds good in theroy but human nature is hard wired for us to survive by any and all means... only when humanity reaches a certain point is there even a possibilty for ppl to show compassion for strangers... i do believe tho that the way modern civilization is set up is in direct contrast to the way, we as a species evolved... but on the other hand ditching the modern competitive model is communism, which, also in theroy is not a bad idea... according to marx, socalism is the first towards communism... in socalism the worker takes what he contributes and in communism the worker takes what he needs no matter the input, the problem is that the human urge for power pollutes this model and is the reason why no true communist state has ever been established... ive always found this sort of stuff very interesting... and with capitalism there can not be any rich ppl without their also being poor ppl, and the rich almost always exploit the poor worker (esp in my state... we are one of the richest regions in the world in terms of natural resources, yet we are the second poorest state in the country) idk its all very complicated, and to say the capitalism or communism is the right choice is very difficult... in the end corruption has put a stain on both of them

 

[Ninae]

Drugs really do attract negative energy, especially when they're abused in a regular way. It doesn't really matter what kind of person you are.

I was just looking at an old picture of (some European nobility I won't name) when she was using drugs (I guess opiates) and she was very pale with dark circles around the eyes, etc. and didn't look radiant like she does now. But she didn't only not look radiant, she looked like a black hole, it's kind of hard to explain but that's what it feels like when you use your spiritual discernment.

Everyone ends up looking the same too. Hollow, surrounded by negative energy, or lack of positive energy. Very lifeless or low in vitality (specifically).

 

[Changa707]

Drugs really do attract negative energy, especially when they're abused in a regular way. It doesn't really matter what kind of person you are.

I was just looking at an old picture of (some European nobility I won't name) when she was using drugs (I guess opiates) and she was very pale with dark circles around the eyes, etc. and didn't look radiant like she does now. But she didn't only not look radiant, she looked like a black hole, it's kind of hard to explain but that's what it feels like when you use your spiritual discernment.

Everyone ends up looking the same too. Hollow, surrounded by negative energy, or lack of positive energy. Very lifeless or low in vitality (specifically).

Sure opioid user's often seem to attract negative energy, but I think it has more to do with the relationships they create and the environment they occupy that often leads to such a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you become physically addicted to an opioid, it takes a toll on your money and mental well-being...not to mention that many users tend to have a disregard for physical fitness and/or hygeine....which leads to them looking like shit.

But I think if you are someone who gives off a positive energy and you start using opioids it tends to cause you to have less interest in your relationships with non-drug-using individuals...and that might turn some people off.

But then again, I don't think you can say for sure "hey, that guy is giving off a real negative vibe...he must be using opioids". There is really no way to correllate the two unless until you become aware of the drug use, but many people actually are attracted to drug users (not that it's necessarily a healthy attraction, but women seem more interested in me when I am using opioids). I have a close friend who also felt the same way, and he would be fun to be around when on opioids...though benzodiazepines would make him very negative.
Then again, I am fully aware that most full-blown dope fiends are usually people that you don't want to deal with, although they seem much friendlier than full-blown crack heads (the most negative drug users if you ask me, followed by benzo/barb addicts).

Opioid users, if they have a constant supply of cheap dope, can go very unnoticed for a long time...and I think if anything it blunts your cognitive processes in the same way that is masks your physical pain. In many ways I feel just as "dissociated" and indifferent to the outside world when stoned on cannabis, as I do when high on codeine. Any form of daily addiction, including cannabis, can turn you into a person that gives a of a negative vibe. Part of you is screaming "I am slave to this damn substance, get me out of here!!"...it's like when people end up in abusive relationships, and people know something is wrong but the person is scared to say anything...and just acts like everything is normal.

 

[Ninae]

I don't know...I'm naturally very positive-energy and used opiates in a sheltered environment away from negative influence...but it still seemed to give me a lot of negative energy.

I think it kills the positive energy you have first of all. But of course everyone who radiates negative energy won't be on opiates. It's more the other way around, people on opiates long-term tend to radiate negative energy.

Being on drugs that make you feel good makes you more sociable and confident so people are likely to find you more charming. You feel safer and more open and giving to other people, definitely. People can be very impressed by your lack of fear/openness because only exceptional individuals are naturally like that.

 

[Foreigner]

thats all sounds good in theroy but human nature is hard wired for us to survive by any and all means... only when humanity reaches a certain point is there even a possibilty for ppl to show compassion for strangers... i do believe tho that the way modern civilization is set up is in direct contrast to the way, we as a species evolved... but on the other hand ditching the modern competitive model is communism, which, also in theroy is not a bad idea... according to marx, socalism is the first towards communism... in socalism the worker takes what he contributes and in communism the worker takes what he needs no matter the input, the problem is that the human urge for power pollutes this model and is the reason why no true communist state has ever been established... ive always found this sort of stuff very interesting... and with capitalism there can not be any rich ppl without their also being poor ppl, and the rich almost always exploit the poor worker (esp in my state... we are one of the richest regions in the world in terms of natural resources, yet we are the second poorest state in the country) idk its all very complicated, and to say the capitalism or communism is the right choice is very difficult... in the end corruption has put a stain on both of them

What does communism have to do with this?

No human society has been perfect, but do some historical reading on what the North American natives were like before Europe arrived. They had basically terraformed this continent into ecologically sustainable food systems, and their societies were relatively egalitarian.

It has been done before, modern humans are just too busy repeating the propaganda they've heard to really give it a chance. Until people turn off their TVs and start connecting with one another, not much good can happen.

 

[seahawks168]

I totally agree about the social part. I have come to notice, however, that as I became more addicted to the substance, i eventually would care more about enjoying the high (ie nodding out, closing my eyes and listening to music, or just staring at the outdoors smoking cigs) than socializing with anyone. If anything, i would try to avoid people while on opiates so i would not have to talk to them haha.
When i would just do them recreationally, though, i found myself craving for social interaction

 

[Ninae]

Opiates make it more easy to connect with the Whole. It's more sub-conscious but you don't feel lonely. So it creates socially passive people as they have that need taken care of.