The devils drug HELP!

[pyrox69]

Hi, I have been to inpatient twice, been in oxford houses/tried it on my own, I always fail. I Just got to the absolute rock bottom in 1 month, I can not make it past 1 month before being ready for death. I am terrified that this is my last chance. I finally understand what people mean by they have one last relapse in them and no more recoveries. I am positive that this is my last recovery. My body just can not take another relapse. Oh and I am 21 years old and only have been doing drugs for 6 years. This story is defiantly a huge morale boost to convince me to go. I am so scared to fail, Not even scared to die, but I really do not want to leave without making all my ammends. I tried to use non god related higher powers and made it 8 months, then again 4 months. I have some serious issues too, I seriously have nothing else left and really am more hopeless in my own mind. I have always wanted to be able to just act normal. You may think i have some crazy disease or whatnot. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 12, I was a totally normal kid until that day they prescribed me adderall. Slowly i could feel my soul being sucked away from me, and yet the doctor just said i needed a bigger dose. I was seriously going insane, suicidal and the doctor saw nothing wrong! I was on and off of it for years by pure force. I felt hopeless by the time i was 18. Found some other drugs, thought i needed treatment thinking that would fix me and what was going on in my head. Twice and failed each time, Found METH and I litterly have opeened up the door to the devil to roam inside of my soul. I was into god every sunday and slowly the devil is fighting to take over. After 1 short month, Un-Sure how, but my tollerance is so high its pointless to try. I have not had any emotion in almost 2 years. Not a tear for anything! I can not get depressed!, Yet i can not yet Above happy. My memory is pretty much shot, I get meth pychosis after just one dose. I Just want to either die (Not an Option) or Be reborn. I have had over 10 Miracles in the last 2 weeks that were all pretty much life or death, in the end after all the bad things that happened to me, I am grateful for all of them, Otherwise I would not be able to get this last chance. I am a lost cause in my mind, I am 110% willing to just let go, and get away from Washington and everything and everyone around here. I am praying to god that i make another recovery and live a happy succesfull life. My mom is sick because of her worry for me. My dad looks like he is about to collapse, my brother looks like a zombie, and My sister wants her older brother back. Please get the devil out of my head, close the door yet again. And teach me how to keep it out, for just one day, each day, for the rest of my life. I’m going to detox tomorrow, getting my tests done tomorrow, and hopefully i will be in a safe haven real real soon. I know i need to do this for me, but deep down i know without me, my family would fall apart, and I will do everything in my power to make all the amends to them that they deserve from the 21 years they have raised me.

WOW posting this 3 hours later​

Hey i wrote that while i was coming down pretty tough, it's all true. Just wondering if anyone has any idea what is going on?, any solutions? maybe some things to try to at least get my emotions back. I tried 5-HTP back on my first run before my first treatment but that did not seem to do much, it helped with the comedown but the emotions never came.

Here is the drugs i have done:

1. Marijuana
2. Ectasy
3. Meth
4. Shrooms
5. Heroin
6. Serequel
7. Adderall on and off from 12 to 18 I'm ADHD
8. Crank

I think it may have started after a BAD trip after overdosing on E, but im not really sure because that was so far back.

Thanks guys, I really am kind of concerned

 

[Ds]

get off all that shit man, maybe the serequel can stay if u use it as perscribed. hell just being away from dope for almost 3weeks and im able to start thinking clearly now, without them uhhhhh moments.
do yourself a favor and change people,and playgrounds, get new friends in recovery and if its gonna be bluelight friends then let it be(hell thats what im doing now).
you dont wanna wind up dead because thats game over, i cant tell ya what happens next, its totally up to you man. find ya some supportive meetings/even a therapist or some kind of professional help. hope the best for ya.

 

[Swimmingdancer]

Yeah, I would highly recommend getting some good professional help. A counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, etc. And maybe read some self-help books. Group meetings can be helpful for some too. Detox is a good start, but you will need some help and skills to improve your mental health and help you with your addiction after you get out. Good luck!

 

[XTC_fiend]

There is no quick fix for the mental damage. For me and mostly every other recovering addict it takes time for your brain to balance out the chemicals that have been messed with through drug use. and to be honest yeah E is pretty cool n all but that shit does the worse emotional damage of all to you. Depleting mostly all serotonin leaving you severely depressed.. first hand experience here. but for me it took like 4-5 months to recover fully and pretty much overcome all of my depression not even one hint of it in months. but that was only me using everything but meth for a year and a half. so for you id say itll take maybe a year or around there. but the key is time. its kind of silly to fix a problem caused by drugs with other drugs. i feel like this is about the 5th time i have posted this exact thing today all in separate threads. but if it helps im glad to give up my time.

Be strong, carry on, face your problems head on. <-- my new motto as of today.

 

[Haoma]

Try taking DMT or Ayahuasca. In my experience this is hands down the most therapeutic experience available to humanity. Do your research first though. They don't like it when you visit ill informed.

 

[stardust.hero]

Try taking DMT or Ayahuasca. In my experience this is hands down the most therapeutic experience available to humanity. Do your research first though. They don't like it when you visit ill informed.

The problem with this arises that strong drugs like DMT and the similar, an unstable brain might not be able to handle and interpret such experience and could cause more harm than good.

I'm not arguing some people have claimed and some swear by it, that they've experienced a spiritual awakening that helped them recover and get off the other drugs, but all experiences differ.

You should never take drugs like those unless you are mentally stable, which is not where the OP is at right now.