I have no idea what it is I search for that comes between the importance of my health...and the reckless disregard I often have for it. Something to boot-start my seratonin? A search for common ground, the justification for it, unaware the world changed around me. With my wounds to the front I guess it's a common mistake to forget there exists the risk of further wounding...to the back. Rattling at my dull, jaded bones like derelict barn doors waltzing to the symphonic tunes of an ill wind that reinvents me as a dull pantomime of myself. I sleep with the fear that I might one day fall into so many pieces the unravelling would prove impossible to halt.
It is so heavy behind the monstrous boundary walls of my own spirit. My sins leave me penniless yet curious as to how far my self destruction will stretch before rebounding backwards into me....opening me up for evermore. A self inflicted horror Ignorant suicide. Conscious deconstruction. Fading to dusky awareness, tumbling below the radar. From sharp witted wordsmith to vague generator of meaningless lyrical rhetoric in the space of a heartbeat. As quick as that. My language now nothing but a virus. The dream sequence of life falls backwards into deeper sleep leaving me awake and locked outside the rapid eye movements once driven by the directions my imagination steered in. Now I must bear the wounds my complacency pierced into me. How endless the flow of my life juices seems to be, cascading from the hole like oceans of wasted opportunity and reservoirs of regret, filling the spaces in front of me with watery reminders of my failures. My soul is lost in that sea.
The realisation is worse than a heartbreak. My inner sighs almost hurricane me, pale eyed and sinking in worthless flotsam, upon dense maelstroms of long, black coagulations of a wreath unfolding within me. It’s a mad sea that awaits my imminent demise, threading like dragonflies that murmur a ballad of failure upon my undelightful gallows of landscape.
Snarling monster please retreat from the wine of my daylight and allow me the dignity to fall apart alone and unwitnessed. Just a shadow of the man I should be.
It is so heavy behind the monstrous boundary walls of my own spirit. My sins leave me penniless yet curious as to how far my self destruction will stretch before rebounding backwards into me....opening me up for evermore. A self inflicted horror Ignorant suicide. Conscious deconstruction. Fading to dusky awareness, tumbling below the radar. From sharp witted wordsmith to vague generator of meaningless lyrical rhetoric in the space of a heartbeat. As quick as that. My language now nothing but a virus. The dream sequence of life falls backwards into deeper sleep leaving me awake and locked outside the rapid eye movements once driven by the directions my imagination steered in. Now I must bear the wounds my complacency pierced into me. How endless the flow of my life juices seems to be, cascading from the hole like oceans of wasted opportunity and reservoirs of regret, filling the spaces in front of me with watery reminders of my failures. My soul is lost in that sea.
The realisation is worse than a heartbreak. My inner sighs almost hurricane me, pale eyed and sinking in worthless flotsam, upon dense maelstroms of long, black coagulations of a wreath unfolding within me. It’s a mad sea that awaits my imminent demise, threading like dragonflies that murmur a ballad of failure upon my undelightful gallows of landscape.
Snarling monster please retreat from the wine of my daylight and allow me the dignity to fall apart alone and unwitnessed. Just a shadow of the man I should be.
