It's been a little while since I last wrote, and I have some fabulous news: I am seriously taking myself OFF JUNK. I had my first meeting at a holistic substance abuse center today. I'll be attending outpatient groups three nights a week and seeing a doctor who will prescribe me Suboxone. This is the first baby step of many, but it feels so unbelievably good to take! After months of being a slave to dope I am finally getting help. I really lucked out, as my insurance will pay for 60 visits and cover 100% of the costs. That gives me well over four months of free outpatient therapy, plenty of time to get my shit together.
I haven't done dope in two days, but to stave off withdrawal I took 20mg of methadone yesterday and another 20mg today. I don't want to be on methadone any longer than I have to; it all depends on when I can start Suboxone. I know I have to be in a state of moderate opiate withdrawal for Suboxone to work, so I have to work out the timing carefully. Any sort of opiate withdrawal must take place over a weekend, so I can avoid going into work as a sleepless, feverish, sneezing, shivering, shitting dope fiend.
Despite the downward spiral of the past four months, I feel very positive right now. If I can get through this, I'll be an immensely stronger, wiser person for it. I just hope my boyfriend can commit to this change with me, otherwise our relationship probably won't make it. This may very well be the bridge by which I transition to the rest of my adult life, but I think I'm ready. I just have to make sure I burn the bridge behind me.
I haven't done dope in two days, but to stave off withdrawal I took 20mg of methadone yesterday and another 20mg today. I don't want to be on methadone any longer than I have to; it all depends on when I can start Suboxone. I know I have to be in a state of moderate opiate withdrawal for Suboxone to work, so I have to work out the timing carefully. Any sort of opiate withdrawal must take place over a weekend, so I can avoid going into work as a sleepless, feverish, sneezing, shivering, shitting dope fiend.
Despite the downward spiral of the past four months, I feel very positive right now. If I can get through this, I'll be an immensely stronger, wiser person for it. I just hope my boyfriend can commit to this change with me, otherwise our relationship probably won't make it. This may very well be the bridge by which I transition to the rest of my adult life, but I think I'm ready. I just have to make sure I burn the bridge behind me.
