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the bluelight preconception, pregnancy and parenting l337ness thread

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Ha cool MDAO! :) You must be thrilled! I still can't imagine what it must be like carrying 3!! God help her morning sickness!
 
^^ I'm sure she is well, and busy! :D


MDAO that is amazing!! Congrats!! I am so excited for you and wifey :) <3
 
I can't even begin to grasp how you and your lovely lady must be feeling MDAO - what an amazing time for you both. That little boy is going to be SO nurtured and with a dad like you and 3 wonderful women around him, he will grow to be such a great man. You guys must be bursting with happiness (and understandably quietly shitting yourselves, just a little ;))

Have you been told of any multiple birth support groups, etc? I've always been fascinated by twins/triplets, so please keep us updated! :D <3

Something cool that I was told about (regarding dads to be) are dad's groups. There are always mum's groups - places for pregnant women to meet other pregnant women, who then can be a support, etc after the birth of their babies, but a friend of ours was told about a dad's group. The dads to be get together at the pub or somewhere similar, and just chat about what's happening, how their partners are coping, how they are coping. He said it was brilliant and he's made a couple of good friends out of it. :)

In unrelated news - We had been trying to have a baby for about 4 months with no success - not clinically or anything, but yes, there was disappointment each time i'd get my period. Due to some big changes ahead for us (relocating interstate, me starting a new job, etc), we've decided to take a break and concentrate on getting settled in our new home). Being married, it seems to be the 'thing' that anyone asks about "sooo, when will we hear the pitter patter of little feet???" and when we (made the mistake of) saying we've been trying to conceive, we have been amazed at the insensitivity of some people. We have heard:

* "Oh, i just had to look at my partner and i fell pregnant"
* "I am sooo fertile, we weren't even trying"
* "I should be having babies for everyone with how fertile i am"

Round of applause. That's awesome... but when someone has just finished saying that they have been trying without success, it's best not to rub their nose in the fact that they can't fall pregnant by swimming in a freaking pool that someone has jizzed in, lol. Apparently though, it doesn't just happen with pregnancy - it happens with breast-feeding, the size of a baby - speaking to a few of my mum friends (i love talking about pregnancy and babies), i'm astounded at the insensitivity and downright thoughtlessness of women to other women. A girlfriend wasn't able to breastfeed her little one and had *just* finished telling her mum's group this, when a woman piped up with "oh, i have so much milk, you want me to feed your baby? I could feed everyones baby here! ha ha ha!". Another woman commented on how HUGE another woman's baby girl was, then yet another woman commented on how much smaller her belly was when she was at the same stage of pregnancy. Is there some switch that some women have where they just can't help but get a little dig in? I'd be interested to hear if anyone else has experienced this?
 
^I understand this :(
I've been there, with people and their insensitive comments on things like that.
Some people 8(
It's a painful thing when you want a child and have trouble getting pregnant.....

MDAO- AWESOME NEWS! :D
 
I'm really sorry Sam. All the things you mentioned are incredibly insensitive and hurtful. The most recent thing I heard was a woman on a bus yell to another woman who was pregnant and wearing a hijab -- "OH YOU'RE ABOUT TO BURST!!!! LIKE EXPLODE!". The expecting woman was clearly embarrassed and looked nearly shamed. :( I only mention the hijab because she was clearly trying to be modest with her attire. After the obnoxious and loud comment she shifted around a bit and sort of tried to hide her beautiful bump. People can be so inconsiderate but I know you have so much grace that you absorbed the comments with class. <3
 
Ugh I seem to get a super lot of annoying comments like that. Or just rude questions. For some reason people's filters on what is OK to ask or Say is totally broken when talking to pregnant women.

I am a gestational surrogate, I have children for infertile or same sex couples. I had twins on 06 and then again last year.

My favorite "I wanna kill you in the face" questions are:

"A surrogate?... so you like have sex with the dads?"


"Babies for gay men? Aren't you worried the babies will grow up gay?"

"Geez How many do you have in their?"


I love love love the "Are you going to have more? You need a girl right?"


Not to mention how horrible some people can be after a loss.
 
I almost feel this could be a different thread!
But yeah, when I lost my baby I heard things like "Well, at least you didn't have it." or "It didn't have a heartbeat yet so it wasn't alive".....I'm sorry we couldn't hear the heartbeat. But I had a LIFE INSIDE ME. I don't care that the child wasn't born, it was my child.
The worse thing I heard was that I was worthless b/c I couldn't carry a child.
My miscarriage was a few years ago, but it was one of the most painful, if not THE most painful thing I have gone through. I still get angry when I think about how some people dismissed my pain.
If you can't put yourself in those shoes, don't comment.
Maybe they were trying to make me feel better by saying some of the nonsense I have heard about my miscarriage but it was so done in the wrong way.
Ugh. I'm getting worked up reading the above comments from people.
Amor, that broke my heart.
I would have been rude and said something to the person who made that woman feel bad.
After experiencing the miscarriage, I feel protective of women who have had miscarriages, who are pregnant and I am not really one to chime in with strangers, but in that case it would have been difficult to hold my tongue- even if it were to turn to that woman and say "You look radiant and beautiful!". :\
 
I have been there too ocean.. It always brought me to tears when people would say "Well you can always try again" Or "Wasn't meant to be" like it was sage shit they were spouting. :-(
 
I miscarried in 2005, and whilst now i look back with a sense of almost relief that I didn't give birth to that little one (circumstances at the time, state of that relationship, etc), I remember the emotions I went through at the time. I also remember one particularly insensitive person making JOKES about miscarriage one night at a party, when she knew that i'd miscarried about 2 months before that. I was in the position of not actually realising i was pregnant before it happened, and i know how i felt... if it happened now, with a man that i'm bursting to make a little life with, who wants this as much as me... well, it doesn't bear thinking about.

I spoke to our doctor about 3 months ago, when we told her that due to everything going on, we weren't going to continue trying until things had settled down in our lives a little, and she reminded me that regardless, not to lose heart - i may have had a miscarriage, but i conceived, so to take comfort in the fact that it can happen. I don't know how i feel about that, but i guess in some measure it gave me some small consolation.

I also realise that i'm not in the postion of a woman who has been trying for a number of years, without success, and my heart absolutely goes out to all women who are in that position. Due to my age, and my reproductive history (miscarriage, endometriosis), i just feel a tiny bit of concern, occasionally. For the most part, i feel hopeful, though!

I'm sorry if i brought the tone of the thread down - Ocean, you're probably right, this could go in its own thread - this thread is about happy things <3! I guess i just thought that trying to conceive is all a part of it too, sadly, some women have more trouble than others.
 
I think it is appropriate for this thread. Not everything about conception, pregnancy, and parenting is happy happy joy joy.
 
just after felix arrived, we were visited by old friends who have been going to artificial insemination clinics for some time and at great expense. we spoke to them about how they feel, at the time couldn't justify going another time for only a 25% chance of success. and they dearly want children, and won't consider adoptions (for their own personal values). however, there was absolutely no need to hide the fact that we had it easy and felt blessed. we shared their pain and they shared our joy.

friends are friends and it's no competition. there's no rubbing anyone's face in anything when it comes to friends.

when it comes to strangers, who gives a damn what strangers think?
 
^It's much easier to say 'who cares what they think?' than to actually think that way when it's about one of your deepest pains and such a sensitive thing.......
<3

I'm happy for you and your friends though.
Hopefully it all works out in the end for them.
 
Samadhi, don't feel too jealous of me -- we've got a lot of work ahead of us.

Endometriosis and spontaneous abortions are incredibly common, and although both are obstacles to childbearing, neither necessarily render it impossible by a long shot. Not to belittle how hard it is on you and your husband, but any experienced Ob-Gyn or fertility doctor won't find your case that daunting or unfamiliar, and their reassurance to you is not idle words to smooth you over.

It really amazes me the way some (probably very insecure) women will have pissing contests over who is more fertile and who handles the physical hardships of pregnancy with the stiffest upper lip (e.g. the most perfect attendance record at work). It's a part of the subtle social pecking order in women's world that men are oblivious to most of the time, and I only saw it when my wife began talking to other women who were or had recently been pregnant. It's usually in very poor taste to deem oneself better than somebody else because of superior physical health, especially if we're talking about health problems that are not a direct result of deliberate lifestyle choices. Why should it be any different if those problems involve the reproductive system?
 
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