Part One
Carla approached the all male gay bar with her boyfriend Ken and her gay friend Frank in Hollyweird, County of Lost Angels, USA. As the 3 approached the entrance, it was apparent that Ken and Frank were going to be allowed to be admitted after they paid their cover charge, but they were NOT going to admit Carla. In a very cordial and polite tone, the bouncer at the entrance said, "Excuse me ma'am, but we don't allow open toed shoes. All people entering the bar must wear close toed shoes." "What? You've got to be kidding. Ah come on, let a poor old woman into this bar to just sit and have a couple drinks with her friends. Then we'll leave." She offered him an extra $10.00 bill to show her good faith. "Sorry ma'am, but I can't allow that. We adhere to the strict dress code. You cannot enter with open toed shoes," said the bouncer.
Outside with her boyfriend and her friend, Carla couldn't believe he wouldn't make an exception for her. Still, she had a sense of humor. Hell she had to in order to have raised her only child and daughter TJ whom she loved very much, but would have sent most mothers, most likely to an early grave nevertheless. "Well hot damn I can't believe that they won't let a poor decrepit woman into this bar!," exclaimed Carla to her friends. However, Carla was NOT one to give up easily, noooo sir. "They want close toed? I'll give them close toed!," said Carla to her 2 companions. "Come on, let's go to the car," continued Carla. Both Frank and Ken knew that tone of voice.
Carla was a good natured, off the wall, exceptional artist-actress-comedian-and among the highest paid outside sales representatives at Pacific Bell. She was used to getting what she wanted, and 99.9% of the time she succeeded at whatever she put her mind to. She was quite determined and lord knew NOT easily dissuaded as everyone that knew her could attest to. This was a quality that TJ, her quiet, eccentric daughter, although weird in a different way than Carla herself, but a bit off nonetheless, among many others, admired about Carla. Carla made Frank and Ken walk back to the car with her and although neither Ken nor Frank knew what crazy plan Carla had in mind, whatever it was, it would prove to be amusing.
Once they arrived at the car, Frank said in a lisp, senior citizen, queen voice of his, that TJ loved to affectionately imitate so well every chance she got, "But Carla there is no way you will get past that bouncer. They don't want to let you in." Of course all 3 parties concerned knew damn well, the close toed shoe dress code was a polite way of trying to discriminate against allowing a woman into their bar. However, they didn't know Carla. "Frank we are going in that bar because we want to waaa hooo and have a drink and waaa hooo and have a drink in that bar is what we're going to do!," said Carla who was in her early 50's. She referred to her 50's as her "no bullshit years." If she had her mind set on having a drink in that all male, all gay bar, she was going to do it.
Reaching into her truck of her well polished, very respectable, luxurious El Dorado Cadillac, she retrieved these 2 puppets she remembered she had inside. Carla was an avid collector of frogs and toads. She had many items at her expensive $750,000 home in the privileged white upper crust neighborhood, her daughter loved to refer to as The North Orange Curtain (North Orange County) home in the form of frogs or toads. She had acquired massive amounts of stuffed animals, paintings, porcelain frogs and toads over the years, mostly gifts, but some she had bought herself. Outside in her backyard, she even had a $10,000 statue in the form of a toad. Inside she had a 2 foot statue of a toad wearing a mourning coat, comberbun, bifocals, and a tray he was holding up sporting glasses of martinis, one of her favorite alcoholic beverages.
Moving aside her massive amounts of yellow pages paperwork that were customer case loads for outside sales, she found what she was looking for and retrieved her objects, 2 puppets with toads for heads and a pair of scissors. Taking her sears, she went about cutting the heads off of the puppets. "What are you doing?," said Frank sounding like a total queen. Had TJ been present, she would have given Frank a crown to wear along with what Carla had put on her feet before entering the bar. "Oh my God!," said Frank with a lisp. "You're never going to get away with this." "Just watch me!," exclaimed Carla. Ken was laughing. He was a crazy Canadian and had an off the wall sense of humor, as did Frank, who was what TJ's Dad would of referred to as a "character" just as all of Carla's friends were.
Artists were weird. He had married an artist, so he paid the price. Once back at the entrance of the bar, greeting the same bouncer that refused her entrance minutes before, heard Carla exclaim, "LOOK! CLOSE TOAD! CLOSE TOAD! THESE ARE CLOSE TOAD SHOES NOW YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN!," clowned Carla while pointing to her shoes, that now sported toad heads covering her open toed shoes. They looked absolutely ridiculous, but the quirky stunt, combined with Carla's off the wall sense of humor had the desired effect. They made the bouncer laugh his ass off. She and her friends were allowed inside, where she, as usual, was the life of the party amongst a bunch of strangers, and the only woman in the bar, and as usual, everyone had a good time. People were seldom bored when Carla was around.
Carla approached the all male gay bar with her boyfriend Ken and her gay friend Frank in Hollyweird, County of Lost Angels, USA. As the 3 approached the entrance, it was apparent that Ken and Frank were going to be allowed to be admitted after they paid their cover charge, but they were NOT going to admit Carla. In a very cordial and polite tone, the bouncer at the entrance said, "Excuse me ma'am, but we don't allow open toed shoes. All people entering the bar must wear close toed shoes." "What? You've got to be kidding. Ah come on, let a poor old woman into this bar to just sit and have a couple drinks with her friends. Then we'll leave." She offered him an extra $10.00 bill to show her good faith. "Sorry ma'am, but I can't allow that. We adhere to the strict dress code. You cannot enter with open toed shoes," said the bouncer.
Outside with her boyfriend and her friend, Carla couldn't believe he wouldn't make an exception for her. Still, she had a sense of humor. Hell she had to in order to have raised her only child and daughter TJ whom she loved very much, but would have sent most mothers, most likely to an early grave nevertheless. "Well hot damn I can't believe that they won't let a poor decrepit woman into this bar!," exclaimed Carla to her friends. However, Carla was NOT one to give up easily, noooo sir. "They want close toed? I'll give them close toed!," said Carla to her 2 companions. "Come on, let's go to the car," continued Carla. Both Frank and Ken knew that tone of voice.
Carla was a good natured, off the wall, exceptional artist-actress-comedian-and among the highest paid outside sales representatives at Pacific Bell. She was used to getting what she wanted, and 99.9% of the time she succeeded at whatever she put her mind to. She was quite determined and lord knew NOT easily dissuaded as everyone that knew her could attest to. This was a quality that TJ, her quiet, eccentric daughter, although weird in a different way than Carla herself, but a bit off nonetheless, among many others, admired about Carla. Carla made Frank and Ken walk back to the car with her and although neither Ken nor Frank knew what crazy plan Carla had in mind, whatever it was, it would prove to be amusing.
Once they arrived at the car, Frank said in a lisp, senior citizen, queen voice of his, that TJ loved to affectionately imitate so well every chance she got, "But Carla there is no way you will get past that bouncer. They don't want to let you in." Of course all 3 parties concerned knew damn well, the close toed shoe dress code was a polite way of trying to discriminate against allowing a woman into their bar. However, they didn't know Carla. "Frank we are going in that bar because we want to waaa hooo and have a drink and waaa hooo and have a drink in that bar is what we're going to do!," said Carla who was in her early 50's. She referred to her 50's as her "no bullshit years." If she had her mind set on having a drink in that all male, all gay bar, she was going to do it.
Reaching into her truck of her well polished, very respectable, luxurious El Dorado Cadillac, she retrieved these 2 puppets she remembered she had inside. Carla was an avid collector of frogs and toads. She had many items at her expensive $750,000 home in the privileged white upper crust neighborhood, her daughter loved to refer to as The North Orange Curtain (North Orange County) home in the form of frogs or toads. She had acquired massive amounts of stuffed animals, paintings, porcelain frogs and toads over the years, mostly gifts, but some she had bought herself. Outside in her backyard, she even had a $10,000 statue in the form of a toad. Inside she had a 2 foot statue of a toad wearing a mourning coat, comberbun, bifocals, and a tray he was holding up sporting glasses of martinis, one of her favorite alcoholic beverages.
Moving aside her massive amounts of yellow pages paperwork that were customer case loads for outside sales, she found what she was looking for and retrieved her objects, 2 puppets with toads for heads and a pair of scissors. Taking her sears, she went about cutting the heads off of the puppets. "What are you doing?," said Frank sounding like a total queen. Had TJ been present, she would have given Frank a crown to wear along with what Carla had put on her feet before entering the bar. "Oh my God!," said Frank with a lisp. "You're never going to get away with this." "Just watch me!," exclaimed Carla. Ken was laughing. He was a crazy Canadian and had an off the wall sense of humor, as did Frank, who was what TJ's Dad would of referred to as a "character" just as all of Carla's friends were.
Artists were weird. He had married an artist, so he paid the price. Once back at the entrance of the bar, greeting the same bouncer that refused her entrance minutes before, heard Carla exclaim, "LOOK! CLOSE TOAD! CLOSE TOAD! THESE ARE CLOSE TOAD SHOES NOW YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN!," clowned Carla while pointing to her shoes, that now sported toad heads covering her open toed shoes. They looked absolutely ridiculous, but the quirky stunt, combined with Carla's off the wall sense of humor had the desired effect. They made the bouncer laugh his ass off. She and her friends were allowed inside, where she, as usual, was the life of the party amongst a bunch of strangers, and the only woman in the bar, and as usual, everyone had a good time. People were seldom bored when Carla was around.
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