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The absolute love of drugs

OrdinaryJunky

OrdinaryJunky

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 23, 2009
Messages
31
Location
Sydney, Australia
Judge me or not I don'r care I'm used to it. If I die at least this
little electronic mark will be left and will maybe maybe help
someone...maybe not.
I know most of you don't give a shit about the the bullshit you think
you're reading - I count myself amongst that number most of the time.
Don't know why I'm writing this despite my cynicism.
I love drugs, always have and always will. I never hurt anyone for my
habit except for a few times when I stole from them and then I payed
them back. The rest of my habit peaking at $500 per day for heroin
was payed on my back. Oh yes what a slut prostitution so evil but
sell products and tease cocks with hot models and sultry actresses to
sell movies that's ok sell your body instead of mugging and stealing
and oh what an evil slut you are!
Yes I'm drunk if I wasn't I would never have the courage to put these
thpughts into words but it makes me angry why should I denigrate
myself - feel so ashamerd? What did I ever do
to hurt anyone, more than anyone else?
Why does the society I live in insist that I'm the scum of the earth
because I'm a drug addict?
 
I wish I could still love drugs as much as I used to, before I had to sacrifice as much as I have in order to keep them around.


I suppose time will tell as to how much "love" remains for them in my mind.
 
because our society as a whole has been poisoned by the false sense of ethics bequeathed to us by organized religion. People have too hard of a time thinking for themselves.
 
I don't think people condemn you, or any other drug user, for using drugs, as much as you believe. Most people in this day and age have used drugs at one time or another, or are close to someone who has or does.

I think you are being judged by your attitude, more than anything else. An adult (presumably) who goes around saying s/he "loves drugs"? WTF? They're drugs, man. They get you high, which can be entertaining at times. They sure aren't something to fall in love with, at least past your teen years. Plus, look at all the terrible problems they cause (addiction, health problems, financial problems, etc.). Nothing to love there.

Anyway, I don't think people are out there scorning and blacklisting you to the degree you think they are. Many are probably compassionate about your addictions, if you have them.
 
I don't judge you, and I don't look down on you. If I was in the room with you right now I'd probably give you a long hug. But I'm not, so I'll just write this message instead. My own electronic mark, as you put it.



I don't think you love drugs. I think perhaps you hate them. And I think you're right to hate them.

Have they ever made your life better for longer than a half an hour? Have they ever given you a memory that you cherish, that you look back on and can't help but smile? Have you ever looked at a needle and thought about how happy it will make the next ten or twenty years of your life? I doubt it, somehow.


I think perhaps you're writing this to convince yourself to stop. One day you'll have to, anyway. I hope this post means you're beginning to realise that.
 
OrdinaryJunky said:
Judge me or not I don'r care I'm used to it. If I die at least this
little electronic mark will be left and will maybe maybe help
someone...maybe not.
I know most of you don't give a shit about the the bullshit you think
you're reading - I count myself amongst that number most of the time.
Don't know why I'm writing this despite my cynicism.
I love drugs, always have and always will. I never hurt anyone for my
habit except for a few times when I stole from them and then I payed
them back. The rest of my habit peaking at $500 per day for heroin
was payed on my back. Oh yes what a slut prostitution so evil but
sell products and tease cocks with hot models and sultry actresses to
sell movies that's ok sell your body instead of mugging and stealing
and oh what an evil slut you are!
Yes I'm drunk if I wasn't I would never have the courage to put these
thpughts into words but it makes me angry why should I denigrate
myself - feel so ashamerd? What did I ever do
to hurt anyone, more than anyone else?
Why does the society I live in insist that I'm the scum of the earth
because I'm a drug addict?
Click to expand...


I don't think that you're a bad person. You very well could be, but if the worst thing you've done is do drugs and sell sex, you're a good person.

Anyway, while I'm not addicted, I do share your love of getting high and finding new drugs. I love the idea of using something to make you feel good or euphoric.
 
I can understand loving drugs. I have been clean for a few months after 10 years of ravenous use... and I still love drugs. I get excited just thinking about it... in fact I'm getting excited right now, though I know I will not do anything about it. You're honest... and that should be enough.
 
Society will always look down on drugs.
Drugs in general have destroyed lives, and killed people. Its a damn fact.
Weather it be Marijuana or Methamphetamine, its illegal.

Fuck it, if all these drugs were legal it wouldn't be half as fun doing them.
 
deadhead507461 said:
Fuck it, if all these drugs were legal it wouldn't be half as fun doing them.
Click to expand...

Dunno about that. If drugs were legal I wouldn't have to associate with gangs, constantly look over my shoulder for cops, or have a criminal record. :\
 
I hate drugs and I've never stolen or sold my body to strangers so that I could have them. You gotta rethink this relationship of yours. I think you place too much attention on the fact you're a drug addict and too little attention on the positive qualities you possess. Love yourself, don't love drugs... :\
 
I actually know/have known many girls exactly like you...500 a day on the H?!! wow...
I think because you are drunk when you typed up your story for all of us to read and comment on, seems more to me like a cry for help or acceptence...or redicule. Either way, you got our attention and hopefully by doing so someone will make a comment that you will find useful or in some way help you to feel better about your life. You may not be exactly happy with your life, none of us are, but we all do shit that we know isn't right. the fact that you think others would look down at things you do/did says you are a human being, like us all. My drug use has caused me problems for years. I hang out with many girls who could easily describe themselves exactly as you did, and they are my friends. I don't know about everyone here, but most of us do not judge here..so its ok for you to do what makes you happy, just like its ok for you to change whatever makes you unhappy. some of us may be shocked at your posting but its something i see almost daily...
 
The worst thing I've done to get drugs is steal them out of peoples medicine cabinets, and in hindsight I feel very guilty about this. But yes, like most on this site I love drugs too, to me they're like some kind of back door that you can just walk out of anytime you feel like it and leave your troubles behind for awhile. I've definitely had my problems and struggles with substances, but I couldn't imagine having to try and support a five hundred dollar a day H habit by selling myself or committing crimes, although I realize that I'm playing with fire when I'm using certain drugs and it is very sobering to come here and read all these stories. I realize now that most of my drug use has been my way of self medicating disorders that I didn't realize I had. A lot of my early drug experiences were definitely a way of searching for some kind of spirituality or transcendent experience, which I found in a way.

I do believe people can judge drug users pretty harshly and unfairly and that unless you've experienced them there is no way to know how it feels or understand why people would do the things they do just to get high. I think this is unfortunate, but it's the way it is for now. I know I was judged very harshly when I was at the height of my drug use but those people who judged me didn't know that I was clinically depressed and self medicating, I didn't even know that was what I was doing till much later. To me this is the saddest part of drugs, the abundance of judgement from those who don't understand, and the overwhelming sense of helplessness that the addict who has lost all hope has to endure every day. I love being high, but drugs are neither good or bad, it's all in how you use them, it's like being a tight rope walker when you choose to continue down that path knowing the pitfalls. I feel like I'm glamorizing drugs a bit here but that's not my intention, they've taken me to heaven, but they've taken me down some bad roads and kicked my ass pretty bad too. I guess it's a matter of knowing who you are and what you want from them, when they are nothing but a way to escape, that is when things get ugly.


"From the rocking of the cradle, to the rolling of the hersch, the going up was worth the coming down" - Kris Kristofferson
 
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