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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 The 2025 Recovery & Social Thread
- Thread starter Ds
- Start date
tokayeahok
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2021
- Messages
- 756
good day guys - just been busy writing a loootttttt of music and getting on with life. luv u guys ~ light a candle for those ya lost, BLs gone black 
tokayeahok
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2021
- Messages
- 756
morning guys~ have a good day! be safe!
endlessnameless
Bluelighter
26(ish) Days away from Heroin.
I refuse to state any definites because everytime I actually voice "I'm staying away from that (stuff) forever" I eventually fall back into it - though in hindsight that always happens due to keeping the company of people in active addiction.
I refuse to state any definites because everytime I actually voice "I'm staying away from that (stuff) forever" I eventually fall back into it - though in hindsight that always happens due to keeping the company of people in active addiction.
endlessnameless
Bluelighter
good day guys - just been busy writing a loootttttt of music and getting on with life. luv u guys ~ light a candle for those ya lost, BLs gone black
Same buddy - I'm back into writing lyrics and making music on my NI S61 MKII Midi Keyboard. Back at Ableton and FL Studio and loving it man. Keep at it my friend, the the self busy
stupotmc
Greenlighter
Welcome to the 2024 Recovery Thread.
Last year's thread can be found here.
What we do here?
Pretty much just share where you are at today in your recovery, and if you have anything going on with your life that is threatening your recovery then this is the place to do so.
...
Me, personally. I'm not doing well. Got in a pretty bad car accident about 2 days ago. Totalled my car, and now going through the process of getting into it at the tow lot.
Back at zero again.
Hey, trying to think positive. I'm trying at least.
They authorities want us on the liquid handcuffs' and on no opiate lists. You cant holiday, associating with friends that still use is near impossible, and the N/A is a church recruitment ploy. It's lonely when your whole life you have been getting high and you stop. I was an addict for 42 years. Even remember sniffing glue and solvent and 8 years old. I didnt know why. It's something I inherited from my family. I've had no kids because of it. I would never suicide. I'm going to die soon enough now I have cirrhosis. I just wish society could realise that when you have communicated with a certain type of personality your whole life that I have nothing in common with straight folk. I find them boring and judgmental. Especially the one who help you for a weekly wage. Just give me what I need to get better, all junkies who are long term know what works. Sorry for laying it on. No religious texts condemn drugs except for the modern Qur'an. I was raised Roman Catholic in war torn Belfast. Drugs were the answer to it. Not god or guns. An old saying says water ,fire and governments have no mercy. I was on drugs including maintenance for 42 years. Don't expect help from government or church. If you have family or non using friends be totally honest. Self medicate if safe. But please don't let government put you in liquid hand cuffs. It ruins the best.
elgoucho9
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2023
- Messages
- 1,915
Well bad weekend here. Great time on Saturday at a new girls I been seeing. Did half a g peruvian coke with her and had some naughty times.
Sunday went to mates. And 2 lads came in who I don't get on with. Was attacked with a vodka bottle in the face. Kicked. Stamped on. Then they tried to hold me hostage made my mum send them £100, then that wasn't enough so another £200 for me to "leave in one piece"
Currently have 2 black eyes and a giant cut on my forehead.
The stupid cunt who did it posted it all on snapchat. So the police turned up at my mums asking questions. The guys house it was has had police there too. Guy who did the majority of it all is just out of jail for a 4 year stint. I didn't give police info but they have it all on video anyway, so I dare say he will be arrested and remanded for breaching his parole.
Currently high on 100mg codeine smoking some weed to deal with the pain. I'm not bothered shit happens. The doctor said I must have a thick skull by the fact I had no brain damage or concussion. Given i took over 15 head shots.
^^ above is from EADD days ago.
So it got worse. Lost my fucking phone in a taxi after those diaz. Wound up going on a mission involving buckfast, valium and freebase cocaine lol. 3-4 days of that. Felt homeless. Admitted myself to the clinic as needing help after the traumatic event mentioned above broken cheek bones, broken nose, big scar on my head. Doctor wouldn't prescribe a diaz taper but have given me promethazine for some weird reason. Needless to say i took them anyway cos anything that will help at this stage.
Managed a workout and 3 meals earlier at least.
Sunday went to mates. And 2 lads came in who I don't get on with. Was attacked with a vodka bottle in the face. Kicked. Stamped on. Then they tried to hold me hostage made my mum send them £100, then that wasn't enough so another £200 for me to "leave in one piece"
Currently have 2 black eyes and a giant cut on my forehead.
The stupid cunt who did it posted it all on snapchat. So the police turned up at my mums asking questions. The guys house it was has had police there too. Guy who did the majority of it all is just out of jail for a 4 year stint. I didn't give police info but they have it all on video anyway, so I dare say he will be arrested and remanded for breaching his parole.
Currently high on 100mg codeine smoking some weed to deal with the pain. I'm not bothered shit happens. The doctor said I must have a thick skull by the fact I had no brain damage or concussion. Given i took over 15 head shots.
^^ above is from EADD days ago.
So it got worse. Lost my fucking phone in a taxi after those diaz. Wound up going on a mission involving buckfast, valium and freebase cocaine lol. 3-4 days of that. Felt homeless. Admitted myself to the clinic as needing help after the traumatic event mentioned above broken cheek bones, broken nose, big scar on my head. Doctor wouldn't prescribe a diaz taper but have given me promethazine for some weird reason. Needless to say i took them anyway cos anything that will help at this stage.
Managed a workout and 3 meals earlier at least.
tokayeahok
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2021
- Messages
- 756
Jesus man...what the hell! I've had benders where I've been threatened by who I thought was a close mate...but this takes the cake. Jeez. I hope you're alright. Absolute dog move blackmailing your mother though. Rest up, so sorry to hear you went through this.
elgoucho9
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2023
- Messages
- 1,915
Don't worry mate. I am going to make sure all their lives are absolute hell going forwards. I already front kicked one in the jaw who's house it was. The main culprits once they are in jail it will be open season quite literally. I've a 6 inch gash on my forehead i plan on being returned by them having a 6 slash to their fucking arseholes i dont care if i have to throw a grand plus on each one. I already know people in the system doing big sentences.
tokayeahok
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2021
- Messages
- 756
i know you’re out for vengeance but in terms of working recovery man this is gunna add fucking hurdles.
i had a guy, an old man in fact, pull on a gun on me last year. he’s frail, can hardly walk and move. i’ve wanted to go and just literally smash him to fucking bits for being a cunt and pulling a strap out on me and assaulted me(i didn’t fight back, in hopes of him landing in jail but he manipulated his way out when talking to police and lied, and my black eyes wouldn’t show up until the next day so they said there was no physical evidence) but it’s taken all that is in me to not go and quite literally beat the old fuck to coma state.
i know that sounds quite rough coming from me, but he stole my laptop with everything on it, refused to give it back and held me at gunpoint after assaulting me. I didn’t assault him back because he’s also had two hip replacements and a shoulder replacement. I probably would’ve accidentally killed him, literally.
but that was last year and i still have a lot of trauma from that despite how cheery and elated i always am. i try just to not think about it. i replaced my computer last november anyways and got everything back off my cloud and drive. that’s all that mattered to me - my music that i’ve written since i was a kid.
hope this helps in me sharing a similar experience. just try to distance yourself
you don’t want to end up in more trouble
elgoucho9
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2023
- Messages
- 1,915
i know you’re out for vengeance but in terms of working recovery man this is gunna add fucking hurdles.
i had a guy, an old man in fact, pull on a gun on me last year. he’s frail, can hardly walk and move. i’ve wanted to go and just literally smash him to fucking bits for being a cunt and pulling a strap out on me and assaulted me(i didn’t fight back, in hopes of him landing in jail but he manipulated his way out when talking to police and lied, and my black eyes wouldn’t show up until the next day so they said there was no physical evidence) but it’s taken all that is in me to not go and quite literally beat the old fuck to coma state.
i know that sounds quite rough coming from me, but he stole my laptop with everything on it, refused to give it back and held me at gunpoint after assaulting me. I didn’t assault him back because he’s also had two hip replacements and a shoulder replacement. I probably would’ve accidentally killed him, literally.
but that was last year and i still have a lot of trauma from that despite how cheery and elated i always am. i try just to not think about it. i replaced my computer last november anyways and got everything back off my cloud and drive. that’s all that mattered to me - my music that i’ve written since i was a kid.
hope this helps in me sharing a similar experience. just try to distance yourself
I am honestly at the point of just hanging myself off a bridge to be honest. Or doing something else really bad. I want to hurt someone. What happened to me is one thing yes. I can deal with pain believe me. The terror, the knife at my throat, bottles off my head, extortion.... i can deal with ALL of that.
However what I cannot deal with is my treatment since. Yes after that happened to me I relapsed on benzos, and freebase cocaine cooked with the ammonia. I challenge anyone to be held hostage and not relapse on something. But my doctors wouldn't even give me painkillers. They gave me Promethazine. I have had to buy boxes of Cocodamols and CWE them myself to put any dent in the pain.
My fucking nose, cheekbones, all broken, big fuck off scar on my head that makes me not want to leave the house. And what when i ask anyone for help all i'm getting is like it's own fault or some shit? The thing is, any one of the people who harmed me, 1 on 1 i could kill them stone dead and am capable of it in the head easily (especially right now). Now when they did this horrible shit to me they put it on snapchat story. So half the town saw me tortured. Thank fuck for my mate, she phoned the police so i managed to escape, as even the randsom money was not going to let me go... but other people are now calling me a fucking grass cos i spoke to CID? CID have the whole fucking video, they had statements from everyone else in that house BEFORE they even saw me. I avoided them for days. Anyone wants to call me a grass I really wish they would come to my door and say it to my face cos I swear honestly I just want someone else to feel this pain and look in their eyes while they suffer.
AngelsandFairiesarereal
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2022
- Messages
- 3,727
I understand wanting revenge… I went through hell. Being knocked around & 15- 20 blows to my head every round on top of being raped & stuff that I won’t even write here that they do to you to try to ‘break you in’ … when I finally escaped my ex tried to murder me. When I finally made it to a motel to try to ‘lick my wounds’ so to speak …. only one of his cousins (that I thought I could trust) came to the motel … to bring me a bunch of coke, see if I was still alive & in a very shady way tried to basically threaten me or make me aware of what could happen if I went to the hospital or any cops for help. There was a mark on my head… I had to disappear … I was so broken, bloody bruised & just staying awake in different motels doing coke so I couldn’t pass out & die from inflammation from concussion. My story is really long & FUCKED up & literally had to go to one affiliation (not police) to try to help me from another before I could just disappear (you know what I’m saying)
Anyways what really fucked with me was the amount of betrayal from people … I had to be really strong really on my own … what happened to me fucked my head up so much that I still have night terrors & I’m only telling you the tiniest bit of my story.
After I got away from the area where my ex was looking for me to finish me off … I wanted revenge. I wanted to turn it around, stalk him … find out where he was staying & find the times when no one would be there except him. I wanted to break in & have him wake up with a gun in his mouth … I wanted him to know what it felt like to think you are about to die, to know what it felt like to be completely powerless & to do horrible shit to him, steal all his product & disappear again. A big part of me is glad that I never did it. But I write all this (leaving out a bunch for my safety & not to traumatize anyone too much that may read this) for you to know I really really understand.
Right now just do whatever you can to take care of yourself & honestly what anyone else thinks doesn’t matter because they don’t know what you experienced.
I don’t know I’m sorry, hope I made any sense … I’m going through a pretty big withdrawal rite now & when I write about my experiences it’s always hard too because I don’t want to give too much information… but man when I see what you wrote I had to just reach out to you. Over time the want for revenge will get less but it will still pop up … 100% take care of you & only you rite now.
I will keep you in my prayers sweetie
Big hug
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elgoucho9
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2023
- Messages
- 1,915
I am so sorry for your story. I can't imagine being raped on top of all that, I'd have probably wound up dead via either Overdose or just going mortal kombat on that shit. I tried to fight back initially when it happened but was 3 on 1, while the other "friend" did nothing. It is like you say the betrayal all round runs strong. Like a pack of hyenas.
I've not had a day completely clean since it happened. No freebase or diaz in 3 days. I'm on 240mg Codeiene and 25mg promethazine now. Feels like its blocked something.
I'm going to send you a PM if that is OK? Hope you are as well as can be with your recent withdrawals. mine are still going strong for everything almost unfortunately.
I've not had a day completely clean since it happened. No freebase or diaz in 3 days. I'm on 240mg Codeiene and 25mg promethazine now. Feels like its blocked something.
I'm going to send you a PM if that is OK? Hope you are as well as can be with your recent withdrawals. mine are still going strong for everything almost unfortunately.
I had a similar thing happen to me (on a much lesser scale) about 10 years ago. Went to a house party, the host's ex gf was hitting on me so he decides to start throwing glass bottles around, turned the music up until it was clipping. Eventually a bunch of teens show up and loiter (around 30 of them)... He gets a crossbow out and I took it off him, then I tried to break up the escalation and it ended up with losing consciousness for a minuite, then had two guys hold me down while the third one was punching my teeth in. Anyway the betrayal... I had at least 12 friends at that party, none of them did shit. And the guy who hosted the party was making fun of me when the cops came to investigate. I've learnt to accept what happened but I wanted revenge for years. It's not worth it though.
elgoucho9
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2023
- Messages
- 1,915
Shit that sucks for you man. Like you say, it is the betrayal. I had one "mate" say he helped me by cleaning up the blood? Like err no mate you helped them clean the crime scene.
I did manage to get my own back on the guys house it happened in. After hospital when I collected my bag and phone. I front kicked him in the teeth for his part in it all. Fuck them, they all got bail too, with previous. Makes me wonder who the real snitches are?
Just managed a mamoth shoulders biceps and triceps workout there. Almost made me higher on the codiene. Gonna fast til dinner too then eat. Time for anothe green tea and a joint. Trust the process.
I did manage to get my own back on the guys house it happened in. After hospital when I collected my bag and phone. I front kicked him in the teeth for his part in it all. Fuck them, they all got bail too, with previous. Makes me wonder who the real snitches are?
Just managed a mamoth shoulders biceps and triceps workout there. Almost made me higher on the codiene. Gonna fast til dinner too then eat. Time for anothe green tea and a joint. Trust the process.
Here in America, things this would like this don't happen often, first they would rot in prison, l mean like decades or depending on the state and judge, life, and not this your paroled in 25 years, life, till the bury or cremate you.
You have to understand that this would be a hugh deal. However this is the United States and if my dad were still around, He would shown up and things would be very different( If he were healthy) certain laws are very different here, I don't want to get banned again, so let's just say he would have either called the cops, or acted rashly, and let his temper fly, we have access to things in the UK that many of your cops don't.
You have to understand that this would be a hugh deal. However this is the United States and if my dad were still around, He would shown up and things would be very different( If he were healthy) certain laws are very different here, I don't want to get banned again, so let's just say he would have either called the cops, or acted rashly, and let his temper fly, we have access to things in the UK that many of your cops don't.
I am so sorry too hear about this. One thing that bothers me, is I worry that those asswipes who did this, will only get a slap on the wrist. Kidnapping and trying to get a Ransom. That qualifies as a very serious felony under both Federal and state, statuettes. Those idiots, deserve to rot in prison. Those doctors gave you nothing, basically? They are asswipes. That really sucks.
Listen, you are a grown man, fuck what anyone says, if it comes to it, testify and do what I do, I just keep telling myself' "vengeance is mine sayeth The Lord" and well hunting them down now, wouldn't qualify as self defense. Hopefully they pay for their crimes. I don't want to think what I would do, but try not to think about it. That no snitching bullshit, don't count for shit.
Don't let these scumbags, try to pull that no snitching bullshit, you are an adult who was victized. You are not an American gang member, you have only one option, of really fucking up their lives in court, which you really don't have to say much. Those idiots filmed it. £300, I personally would have been insulted, that little of a Ransom? Sorry but I hope and pray you feel better. Please, try to not let this horrible incident consume and destroy. I am sorry, I was banned and couldn't remember the symptoms you gave me, when I had my telephone visit with my doctor, a week or so ago, sorry. But hopefully they all do serious time.