That “pivotal” moment when you realize you’ve achieved sobriety; does it exist?

[Baron27]

This is s bit of an odd question but a significant one, nonetheless. Has anyone ever battled an addiction and had a moment when they realized they’ve truly conquered their addiction? I ask this because the first time I got clean, it was such a slow gradual process that I never had any kind of sense that I accomplished or “beat” anything. Just a feeling like “that’s behind me I think, I need to be careful of substances” There was never a day I woke up and felt great or proud that I’d accomplished anything. The idea that I was no longer doing something destructive just diddnt give me any sense of accomplishment. Perhaps I just wasn’t clean long enough or maybe I needed more positive things going on in my life. I’ve just never woke up one day and been like “I did it! I’m clean!” — it’s like some arbitrary expectation that I’m not even sure even exists. Can anyone relate with this? If so, has anyone gained “true fulfillment” simply from abstaining from substances (that were problematic for you, at some point) ?

Note: I’m not trying to say getting clean is not an accomplishment because it is, it’s a massive accomplishment. I’m merely inquiring about your own “sense” of accomplishment.

 

[Tubbs]

In my experience, when you think you've beaten it that's when it whoops your ass and you relapse. That feeling that you have to look over your shoulder because it's still there keeps me clean. When I forget that, is when I fall back into my old ways. Gotten clean off 4 different substances and have relapsed many times.

 

[Baron27]

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles with relapse. That's super interesting though. It seems as if the confidence associated with "beating" the addiction could actually be detrimental to future sobriety. Perhaps viewing addiction as a chronic condition that lays dormant is more sensible (with enough clean time and support)

 

[Tubbs]

I've never once met a former addict if that says something.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

You don't really conquer addiction, you go into remission.

I've never once met a former addict if that says something.

I've met a lot of people who gave up using one drug, or another, or all drugs. They're less common than the people still using, though.

 

[ElleAZ]

My family and friends have overwhelmingly struggled with addiction. If they feel like they beat it, it may not have had a true hold on them. Like, I was a two pack a day smoker until my dad died of lung cancer. Then I wasn’t a smoker anymore. My husband dropped cocaine to be with me 30 years ago. But he has always struggled with cigarettes or little obsessions and we exist to take the piss out of him over it.

My sibling and cousins were able to remove it from their lives but the emotional issues remained. My eldest cousin lost the battle to the drug itself. My parents never admitted their addiction.

So they can all be very successful still, and some are, but there is an emotional healing that seems to take more work. I don’t think they gave themselves that kind of attention because of time, resources, or shame. My husband is the healthiest addict of them all and while it doesn’t dominate our lives, he is in the early stages of lung disease at 49.

The heart needs time, nourishment, and purpose. Even healthy people don’t seem to get that luxury. It’s harder for an addict.

 

[Tubbs]

You don't really conquer addiction, you go into remission.



I've met a lot of people who gave up using one drug, or another, or all drugs. They're less common than the people still using, though.

Not what I meant captain. They're still addicted just not using.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I never had a moment where I realized I had drug issues, and I never had a moment where I realized I was find success in recovery and moving beyond.

It took time for me to realize I had a problem with drug use, just like it took some time for that problem to develop.

Likewise with recovery, there wasn't a moment when I realized I have been becoming successful in it. Success in recovery happens slowly, over time, and then one day you wake up and realize - "Hey I love my self, feel fulfilled with where it's at, and don't want anything to do with my DOC(s)!"

Frankly these kinds of explorations don't do me much good. What does it matter is if I'm an addict or not (other than with all the bullshit discrimination the addict label beings)? What matter is whether or not I'm harming myself or those I love, or engaging in unethical behavior more generally. That too took a while to develop, almost organically, making progress from lots of small little successes that added up over time, such that I could not be accurately diagnosed as having a severe opioid use disorder like I would have a 1-3 years ago.

But yeah, many I don't see much point in the conversation of when one has overcome addiction. It happens differently for everyone, after all. I know so many people who have moved on their drug use, people who would be very very incorrectly labeled as addicts just because they used heroin or whatever way back when.

And finally, most people age out of addiction. At some point in the late 20's/early 30's of age even hardcore drug users tend to be less inclined to engage in that lifestyle.

I'm still thinking about your questions though OP: The moment I realized I had found success in recovery was when people started treating me like the mature, responsible, intelligence and trustworthy individual I have become.

So, in summery, there are no magic moments. One doesn't just want up one and become an addict, just as one person doesn't just wake up and realize they're past what people most think of recovery. The all or nothing, once an addict always an addict, while there is some wisdom in the cliche, it's not at all appropriate for people who have a long history of no longer engaging in harmful and unethical behavior.

 

[szuko000]

I would say it was about a year after methadone as I was lowering my dose that I started to say I was "cured..." much to the distaste of my counselor. It was pretty obvious to me that I was never going to do opiates again as I have completely changed all aspects of my life and thus it would be as hard to imagine using opiates again. Its kind of like how someone who has never used heroin views trying heroin "oh ill never do that" but again none of my friends use, none of my life revolves around drug use, its almost hard for me to believe that was a part of my past based on how long its been and how much everything has changed.

Its hard to put down an exact date but i remember feeling like something had happened to the world, it was like some large outbreak of stupidity. Suddenly I could see everything i was missing while on dope and it was just like the world had gotten stupid. I started really valuing myself and what i went through, watching others fail seeing their excuses and weaknesses... it was nice to feel like i couldnt be counted among them and that i was special. I use to say it was like the allegory of the cave. Being on dope is being in the cave and everything about leaving the cave is true:

"Slowly, his eyes adjust to the light of the sun. First he can only see shadows. Gradually he can see the reflections of people and things in water and then later see the people and things themselves. Eventually, he is able to look at the stars and moon at night until finally he can look upon the sun itself" Only after he can look straight at the sun "is he able to reason about it" and what it is"

I used to joke with the the people i got clean with that it was like i really did die in one of my overdoses and my hell is to suffer fools and idiots for eternity (i know i think somewhat highly of myself )

Not what I meant captain. They're still addicted just not using.

I do not find this true at all. What does it mean to be an "addict" if not to be using drugs? Do you not define being addicted to something as the chronic use of a substance beyond ones own control that leads to continued negative repercussions and diminishing returns? I would say that I am not an addict as I do not use substances in a continued fashion despite the negative outcome.

I think what you are talking about is more along the line of tendencies. So if one has a tendency to enjoy mind altering substances to the point of over use then that applies to a lot of things they enjoy then... most likely. I think it has more to do with delayed gratification then addiction in that sense, some people are just very impulsive and lack self control. In order to not do drugs you must be able to delay gratification and control impulses and desires... my guess is addicts struggle with this in general.

 

[Tubbs]

To me addiction is wanting something, even knowing it's a destructive force. To think about something and not want to. I haven't used any form of drug in 4 months, I'm still an addict, I have thoughts I can't control about drugs, I have cravings.

 

[Beefy]

Yes, Its something that sneaks up by surprise. I don't really think TOO MUCH about how long I've been sober, but I recently talked to a doctor, and described how I've been clean from everything, and after he told me congratulations. It does hit like a reality check, and then you think of how crappy you used to feel all the time, and you swear to yourself that you'll NEVER return to that dark place. But yes, I do this every other month and sort of give myself a pat on the back.

 

[Baron27]

Great responses guys, very thought provoking. What I’ve gathered on this thread so far is that the whole notion of addiction is a vague, misunderstood idea that simply can’t be applied to drug users (not that any of you folks by any means, are not knowledgeable, you’ve helped me more than any “professionals” from your experiences.) How does one truly define an addict? Self destructive behaviour, lack of impulse control or compulsiveness? The saying goes “once Addict, always an addict” but does that apply to all forms of uncontrolled compulsive thinking?

Does anybody know of any useful books that can help me understand the nature of addiction? Not just to substances, but the all encompassing nature of the ailment.

Thanks again for the responses guys, you have an amazing and ecouragung community here.

 

[Jabberwocky]

^this time a million. Spot on analysis.

One of the biggest issues in terms of addiction medicine is that there is no uniform definition of recovery. If you’re interested I have a really good research paper on this specific topic, from the International Journal of Drug Policy (they compare definitions of recovery between the UK and Australia), just ask if you’d like.

Nowadays with the DSM5 and advances in other areas of science, we have a pretty good understandinng of the definition of addiction in terms of it being a biopsychosocial condition. But there is no agreed upon uniform definition of recovery, or what that means.

For the drug war folks and moralistic old school folks, recovery means abstience, full stop. But there is a growing movement that recovery involves a lot more than mere abstience, and is better analyzed in terms of the character and quality of one’s interpersonal relationships. But defining and pinning down the specifics of that, given the diversity of the human condition, is rather conplicated and doesn’t lend itself well to generalizations.

What I’m trying to say is that the social and learning elements that can result from the lifestyles involve in addiction are more where people are looking in defining both addiction and recover. But with cultural variations, what recovery means to differen groups Is varied and complex.

 

[tired of crap]

I can relate.

I thought that once I had quit drinking my world would go back to "normal". Its been an interesting 2 year journey since I first wanted to quit. Abstinence from alcohol has been sporadic, but Ive currently been off for 2 months now. My thoughts still wander towards drinking during some stressful situations and I will usually engage in other destructive (ie junk food) or escapist (ie watching movies all night) behaviour. But day to day it doesnt usually cross my mind.

Well I am proud of my current abstinence from alcohol I now lack that sense of accomplishment I originally associated with being clean, most days anyways, especially now, 2 months in. Im hoping that as I incorporate more positive behaviours into my life that a sense of accomplishment will follow but who knows. Im inclined to believe a sense of fulfillment will come more from my accomplishments (be it big or small) in life than simply abstaining from alcohol.

Not to be harsh but Im not sure if abstinence from unhealthy escapist behaviour, be it drugs or otherwise, is really something to feel that accomplished about, well after the fact anyways. I mean quitting drug abuse is (almost?) always the best bet, and Im not trying to suggest that we shouldnt feel accomplished in quitting. We should be very proud for even recognizing the need to quit and taking action, many people dont and/or cant. But once we get over the hump, shouldnt we just carry on with life? Set our sights on something else? Life is about to ascension, no?

Addiction has taught me a lot about my self, amongst other things. One of those other things is taking pride in the small victories (this was especially true back when I would count the days, hell even the hours, alcohol free). And I think that we need to continue to do this even after we're clean. Today I ____, and I ____ and I feel accomplished. However, this is only coming to me slowly. Im usually all or nothing with my healthy routine, as I was with my drinking.

But Im learning, and that makes me feel accomplished in its self.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Does anybody know of any useful books that can help me understand the nature of addiction? Not just to substances, but the all encompassing nature of the ailment.

I can't believe I missed this. Some books that you would benefit from reading:

Chasing the Scream (Johann Hari)
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts (Gabor Mate; there is a free pdf of this book floating around on the net somewhere)
Globalization of Addiction (Bruce Alexander)
High Price (Carl Hart)
Unbroken Brain (Maia Szalavitz)

There are others too, but those four are the core if you want to understand the nature of addiction on a personal level IMHO.

I can relate.

I thought that once I had quit drinking my world would go back to "normal". Its been an interesting 2 year journey since I first wanted to quit. Abstinence from alcohol has been sporadic, but Ive currently been off for 2 months now. My thoughts still wander towards drinking during some stressful situations and I will usually engage in other destructive (ie junk food) or escapist (ie watching movies all night) behaviour. But day to day it doesnt usually cross my mind.

Well I am proud of my current abstinence from alcohol I now lack that sense of accomplishment I originally associated with being clean, most days anyways, especially now, 2 months in. Im hoping that as I incorporate more positive behaviours into my life that a sense of accomplishment will follow but who knows. Im inclined to believe a sense of fulfillment will come more from my accomplishments (be it big or small) in life than simply abstaining from alcohol.

Not to be harsh but Im not sure if abstinence from unhealthy escapist behaviour, be it drugs or otherwise, is really something to feel that accomplished about, well after the fact anyways. I mean quitting drug abuse is (almost?) always the best bet, and Im not trying to suggest that we shouldnt feel accomplished in quitting. We should be very proud for even recognizing the need to quit and taking action, many people dont and/or cant. But once we get over the hump, shouldnt we just carry on with life? Set our sights on something else? Life is about to ascension, no?

Addiction has taught me a lot about my self, amongst other things. One of those other things is taking pride in the small victories (this was especially true back when I would count the days, hell even the hours, alcohol free). And I think that we need to continue to do this even after we're clean. Today I ____, and I ____ and I feel accomplished. However, this is only coming to me slowly. Im usually all or nothing with my healthy routine, as I was with my drinking.

But Im learning, and that makes me feel accomplished in its self.

That was my biggest challenge in overcoming in recovery, feeling like I'm doing something meaningful and worthwhile in my life. I'm at a point in my life (just turned 30) where I'm ready for some big changes in terms of establishing myself in a career, etc, so it has become relatively easy to orient my life around those sorts of things, but it was sure difficult at first, before I really figured out what I wanted to orient around. It took years.

That's part of why they say recovery is a developmental process. It takes time and effort to explore what the individual wants/needs in life to feel like what they're doing is worthwhile and have any meaning. And that is a very important part of the recovery and broader developmental process. The good news is that I know plenty of people who have totally re-oriented their lives at the age of 40, 50, even 60 something, so the opportunities inherent in exploring you possibilities aren't closed just because you're older than someone who is 20 or 30. For someone in their 20's I think it's actually harder in some ways than someone who has more experience with life, but that is a very individual sort of thing.

 

[tired of crap]

^ yes tpd.
I just turned 30 myself. Sometimes I compare myself to successful friends from high school and I realize just how much addiction stunted my development.

Instead of learning about life and about
myself I was consumed by consuming alcohol. Now Im learning how to learn again . Im learning what I like as I develop hobbies to fill the free time I now have which I used to spend drinking.

But I realize Im just 30. Theres tones of time left. I was hoping going back to school would help answer some questions. But it only asked more ha... So now Im trying to answer those questions while remaining responsible, instead of reverting to inappropriate escaping.

But I feel youre right. 20 year old me was unable to quit. I have a friend that always said "we do the best we can. Otherwise wed do better." ... I always thought that was some sorta hippie mombojumbo... But going through addiction made me see some truth in that.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It’s almost a little eerie how much our hour experiences have been toc despite differences in DOCs just another example of how universal the developmental aspects of addiction can be person to person.

 

[tired of crap]

Its funny (and off topic) but...

It seems all the things I was so doubtful/critical of in my earlier years - addiction (esp to legal/shitty drugs - such as nicotine and alcohol), depression, eating and body dysmorphia "disorders" - have been so trying yet have taught me so.much about so much.

But finding patterns within my addiction and parallels between the experiences of others is so interesting. Ive always enjoyed that bigger picture, step back kind of analysis. Its just being so absorbed in myself, or addiction made that sort of critical review darn near impossible.

Id also love to learn more about addictions and their treatment... Any links/resources?

 

[Jabberwocky]

I can give you a list of books :D

There are some links to some good educational videos in the SL Directory Education section

 

[Baron27]

That’s so interesting that you said you just turned 30 TOC — I too just turned 30 and find myself comparing myself to more successful friends of my age ((LinkedIn is a bitch for that!) so I can totally relate to how addiction has stunted development. You never know what life can bring you though. I met a wonderful woman, landed a job at a software company and have been working my way forward. So as shitty and behind as you might feel, there are things (good things) that can happen that you don’t even realize. So don’t let your addiction convince you that you’re behind on “succeeding” (whatever success even means) The struggle will make you a stronger person in the end