As im snorting these yellow little pills i think of how many of these i must have put up my nose over the years. 100's surely maybe closer to a 1000. The last of my pills but i continue snorting them because i am fucking miserable. Ive been miserable for weeks it always seems to happen around this time of year. So fuck tomorrow i need to feel better now. Tomorrow can take care of itself. That's been my motto for most of my life i think.
Atleast im in better shape then last thanksgiving where i was withdrawing and almost puked up the turkey i had managed to eat. I fucking hate holidays these days because that means that the stores are closed and i can't go and pick up my scripts or lopermide and codeine. Anything to make me feel better.
I am certainly not looking foreward to the days ahead where i won't be able to get another script for about 10 days ahead. About 4 or 5 days of withdrawing then the awful depression, edgyness and pure nerves that follow it. The feeling that im going insane which always happens during a long withdrawal. Time feels like it's stopped, minutes feel like hours and days like weeks.
The withdrawal will hit fast and i will be sick in 12 hours or so. But it might not be so bad since my habit isint that heavy now. I also have lot's of meds to get me through. A check list of meds during withdrawal is essential to keep your sanity.
Lot's of clonazepam to calm me down and help the agitation, zopiclone to help me sleep and also to calm me down and to hopefully stop the nightmares, dimenhydrinate to stop the nausea and stomach cramps, gabapentin to help stop the RLS and add to the overall sedation, clonidine to help the hot/cold flashes and sweating and my anti-psychotics zyprexa and risperdal to help the mood swings and stop those awful mixed states i get during withdrawal. Well i get those anyway but withdrawal makes my bipolar way worse. During 1 withdrawal i slashed my arm up real bad while really agitated. Actually ive done that more then a few times.
I just hope it doesent go too bad since im already depressed which is a bad sign as is. It's going to be a long week thats for fucking sure.
Atleast im in better shape then last thanksgiving where i was withdrawing and almost puked up the turkey i had managed to eat. I fucking hate holidays these days because that means that the stores are closed and i can't go and pick up my scripts or lopermide and codeine. Anything to make me feel better.
I am certainly not looking foreward to the days ahead where i won't be able to get another script for about 10 days ahead. About 4 or 5 days of withdrawing then the awful depression, edgyness and pure nerves that follow it. The feeling that im going insane which always happens during a long withdrawal. Time feels like it's stopped, minutes feel like hours and days like weeks.
The withdrawal will hit fast and i will be sick in 12 hours or so. But it might not be so bad since my habit isint that heavy now. I also have lot's of meds to get me through. A check list of meds during withdrawal is essential to keep your sanity.
Lot's of clonazepam to calm me down and help the agitation, zopiclone to help me sleep and also to calm me down and to hopefully stop the nightmares, dimenhydrinate to stop the nausea and stomach cramps, gabapentin to help stop the RLS and add to the overall sedation, clonidine to help the hot/cold flashes and sweating and my anti-psychotics zyprexa and risperdal to help the mood swings and stop those awful mixed states i get during withdrawal. Well i get those anyway but withdrawal makes my bipolar way worse. During 1 withdrawal i slashed my arm up real bad while really agitated. Actually ive done that more then a few times.
I just hope it doesent go too bad since im already depressed which is a bad sign as is. It's going to be a long week thats for fucking sure.