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Dr. Dexter

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Joined
Dec 21, 2017
Messages
7
I have been reading stuff on bluelight for at least ten years. It contains endless useful and interesting informations and discussions about psychoactive substsances. I must say that I'm very impressed with the level of knowledge some of you bluelighters posess. And I just need to thank you indefinitely, because if you weren't here I would probably end up dead. You have literally saved my life with your personal stories and experiences, and my life finally, after 36 years of misery, has a meaning. And it's a beautiful one.
 
Hey Dexter, welcome to the site. Glad that you've found Bluelight so useful over the years and have been able to extract so much from it. The site has certainly accumulated a wealth of information and experiences over time, it's good to hear of people benefiting from that :)
 
Dr. Dexter said:
I have been reading stuff on bluelight for at least ten years. It contains endless useful and interesting informations and discussions about psychoactive substsances. I must say that I'm very impressed with the level of knowledge some of you bluelighters posess. And I just need to thank you indefinitely, because if you weren't here I would probably end up dead. You have literally saved my life with your personal stories and experiences, and my life finally, after 36 years of misery, has a meaning. And it's a beautiful one.
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Warmed my heart on a chilly morning. Thanks for writing that. My involvement stems from the gratitude that I have personally for this community as well. I'm so glad that your life is where you want it to be and that this community had a small part in that. Feel free to spread the stories and wisdom of your process throughout the site--especially the Recovery Forums. Communities that get pushed underground in general society breed a sense of isolation. At Bluelight you learn that whether you are a moderate recreational user, a person dealing with active addiction , a worried family member or someone who wears many of those hats, you have a non-judgmental community to open up with.<3.
 
First of all, thank you for your warm wellcoming and quick reply. And I sincerely wish you merry Christmas, happy New Year and a lot of fun during incoming holidays! And I have to say something to everyone here, have as much fun as you can but please stay safe first and take care of yourself and your friends and family.
Now I would like to introduce myself to all of you, so we can understand and help each other the best way we can.
Well, I'm 36 years old dude from Croatia. And I have been dealing with all kind of psychoactive drugs for at least half of my life. It all started with pot and booze, when I first realized that these things help me a lot in socializing, and particularly, dating. To make a long story short, which is very hard for me :) I proceeded on to use xtc, speed, acid, shrooms, and then I fell into the abyss of heroin, benzos and all kinds of psychiatric medications. I was hospitalised numerous times, went through halfway house just to be only recently diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome. It's such a shame that our doctors are so incompetent at diagnosing and helping 'mentally interesting' people so we end up misdiagnosed and mistreated, off course. My previous diagnoses were ADHD, OCD, GAD, SAD, depression, opiate and benzo addiction and finally borderline pd. I came to the point of almost completing suicide because nobody could understand what am I going through. I got sick of off a lifetime of misunderstandings, making excuses, loneliness, misery and guilt. Even my family and friends started thinking that I'm faking mental illness to gain sympathy and that I'm a no good liar and a junkie.

I'll continue writing later.
Brb
 
Hey Dexter, that's an interesting story and I think many can relate. I've also had a variety of diagnoses (OCPD, ADHD, Asperger's, depression, SAD etc). A surprising number of people like us turn to drugs when they don't feel they can fit into society easily.

It sounds like things have been getting better for you lately though? What's caused the change?
 
Hey cfc, thank you for your understanding and interest :

The real change started the first time I took xtc. Before that I never kissed a girl. And I was 19 at that moment! By that time I already knew something was very wrong with me. I was totaly incompetent at dating. And all I ever wanted was love. I tried to ask a random girl out and I just couldn't! I thought that I'm phisically sick and had to run away. My hands were shaking and I just stared at her and the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. I was stuck inside my body feeling like an alien. I instantly started believing that I'm ugly and stupid idiot. And why would any nice girl want to even talk to me, let alone kiss me.
 
I developed a love shyness so strong that I almost gave up talking to opposite sex. I never knew what to say to a woman that I didn't know before and it took hold of me so strong that I even started avoiding new people and places. I was so sad and ashamed of myself. It was so devastating!
 
My first encounter with xtc was so overwhelming and I started using it on a daily basis just to be comfortable enough to talk to people and start approaching women. It was my cure, my medicine while all of my friends took drugs for fun.
 
Same thing happened with speed acid and shrooms. I just had to take something to be able to live a meaningful life. But these party drugs took their toll on me and my condition was getting worse.
 
Then I started going to shrink and they were too quick to prescribe all sorts of pills. At first they gave me Xanax and I became instantly hooked and my tolerance skyrocketed very fast.
 
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