So, it's maybe my 4th or 5th time being properly stoned. This time it's a pretty heady high. I would just like to say thank you to marijuana and its proponents because I believe this drug just saved my emotional well being forever about 5 minutes ago.
I was thinking to myself--why do I overeat? Why do i keep on overeating and binge eating thruout my life when i know it isn't helping me? I realized that i was trying to use food as a filler for an emotional void. What i then realized is--i'm trying to feel like i'm a PART of food. like FOOD is a part of ME. that's why i overeat, it's to be close to something. i use food like a drug because i need to be close to something, and i feel like i'm not. this also explains why i get such obsessive crushes--i associate the crush with a group or family that i wish i was part of so i could be closer to something. then it gets really obsessive, beacuse its a really strong need to feel like i'm a part of something.
but food ISNT gunna fill this void or make me feel like i have a strongly identified group or family that i'm really a core part of, like im thriving with people. what i really need to do is find get out there and try a bunch of stuff with a really really really open mind and figure out where i fit in in this world, and the group of loving people will build around that...
i mean, it's not that i dont have friends, its just that theres no real....definition. every person is different. and i have too many acquantances but not enough close friends. i donno. i nneeed to get out of the habit of even TRYING to turn the actions of eating into the actions of feeling love from others. cuz its jsut stupid. i need to open up to a group of people and actually link with them on a regular basis all together, in a group...it needs to happen....
I was thinking to myself--why do I overeat? Why do i keep on overeating and binge eating thruout my life when i know it isn't helping me? I realized that i was trying to use food as a filler for an emotional void. What i then realized is--i'm trying to feel like i'm a PART of food. like FOOD is a part of ME. that's why i overeat, it's to be close to something. i use food like a drug because i need to be close to something, and i feel like i'm not. this also explains why i get such obsessive crushes--i associate the crush with a group or family that i wish i was part of so i could be closer to something. then it gets really obsessive, beacuse its a really strong need to feel like i'm a part of something.
but food ISNT gunna fill this void or make me feel like i have a strongly identified group or family that i'm really a core part of, like im thriving with people. what i really need to do is find get out there and try a bunch of stuff with a really really really open mind and figure out where i fit in in this world, and the group of loving people will build around that...
i mean, it's not that i dont have friends, its just that theres no real....definition. every person is different. and i have too many acquantances but not enough close friends. i donno. i nneeed to get out of the habit of even TRYING to turn the actions of eating into the actions of feeling love from others. cuz its jsut stupid. i need to open up to a group of people and actually link with them on a regular basis all together, in a group...it needs to happen....
It's definitely a helpful plant
