I fucking hate almost everyone right now. I'm sick of everyone and everything. I need something new... somewhere new... maybe even a new substance...
I got ridiculously drunk on Monday... alcohol mixed with Suboxone and Klonopin isn't the best time... I should have went home but I went to therapy instead like a fucking train wreck.
I was with my best friend M... who was my best friend/drug buddy in High School... we had a lot of fun together... He ended up being gay and I ended up being bisexual and that was comical. Nothing seems to kill me. My liver will probably give out soon, though. One can only hope, right?
I've given up on everything.
I'm craving male attention for some reason, even though I love my girlfriend and she's way more than I deserve...
But I miss having a male partner. A boyfriend. And it's not my girlfriend's fault... she's great... she's just... not a man.
I've only been in 2 serious relationships in my life. 4 years with my ex-boyfriend and coming up on 6 years with my girlfriend.
I was supposed to marry and have kids with my ex boyfriend but a bunch of fucked up shit happened and we broke up in 2005. Then I was just "dating" or rather sleeping around with random dudes ... I was 19 years old so I guess it's not unheard of but none of them were interesting. I need someone who is my intellectual equal or even smarter than I am. (I'm not trying to say I'm really smart; I just slept with a bunch of dudes who were hot and had huge cocks but no fucking brains... Ugh, truth is painful. I'm not proud of that. It's just true.) Then this one dude I knew since we were really young would come over my house to hang out. I'd be getting drunk and stoned and he'd keep trying to sleep with me but I didn't want to sleep with him because he wasn't very attractive and he had a small dick. (Oops.)
But he was a big guy. So we're alone in my apartment (mistake), I'm getting drunk and stoned (mistake), and he starts trying to make out with me and the next thing I know he's fucking me, with me unable to do anything because he was so strong. I was cursing him out and telling him to get the hell off of me and all that other bullshit but I guess that's kind of the definition of rape.
He still lives in my neighborhood and I see him sometimes but he doesn't look at me if I pass him in the street. He has a 2 year old kid and I'm still "friendly" with his mom but I've never told anyone about this shit and I don't know why I'm writing about it now. I guess I deserved it. I shouldn't have let myself be alone with such a fucking asshole. I shouldn't have gotten drunk and high.
I should have slit my wrists a long time ago.
I got ridiculously drunk on Monday... alcohol mixed with Suboxone and Klonopin isn't the best time... I should have went home but I went to therapy instead like a fucking train wreck.
I was with my best friend M... who was my best friend/drug buddy in High School... we had a lot of fun together... He ended up being gay and I ended up being bisexual and that was comical. Nothing seems to kill me. My liver will probably give out soon, though. One can only hope, right?
I've given up on everything.
I'm craving male attention for some reason, even though I love my girlfriend and she's way more than I deserve...
But I miss having a male partner. A boyfriend. And it's not my girlfriend's fault... she's great... she's just... not a man.
I've only been in 2 serious relationships in my life. 4 years with my ex-boyfriend and coming up on 6 years with my girlfriend.
I was supposed to marry and have kids with my ex boyfriend but a bunch of fucked up shit happened and we broke up in 2005. Then I was just "dating" or rather sleeping around with random dudes ... I was 19 years old so I guess it's not unheard of but none of them were interesting. I need someone who is my intellectual equal or even smarter than I am. (I'm not trying to say I'm really smart; I just slept with a bunch of dudes who were hot and had huge cocks but no fucking brains... Ugh, truth is painful. I'm not proud of that. It's just true.) Then this one dude I knew since we were really young would come over my house to hang out. I'd be getting drunk and stoned and he'd keep trying to sleep with me but I didn't want to sleep with him because he wasn't very attractive and he had a small dick. (Oops.)
But he was a big guy. So we're alone in my apartment (mistake), I'm getting drunk and stoned (mistake), and he starts trying to make out with me and the next thing I know he's fucking me, with me unable to do anything because he was so strong. I was cursing him out and telling him to get the hell off of me and all that other bullshit but I guess that's kind of the definition of rape.
He still lives in my neighborhood and I see him sometimes but he doesn't look at me if I pass him in the street. He has a 2 year old kid and I'm still "friendly" with his mom but I've never told anyone about this shit and I don't know why I'm writing about it now. I guess I deserved it. I shouldn't have let myself be alone with such a fucking asshole. I shouldn't have gotten drunk and high.
I should have slit my wrists a long time ago.
. I would totally roll with you if we lived closer or if you visited me.
