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Tapering Tapering off subs - scared but excited

Thanks TPD... I like your suggestions on how to proceed from here. I'm very familiar with CBT/DBT and mindfulness, and unfortunately knowing myself I do t think I'd be able to use any of these effectively for this situation, although I do use them to help with depression. I don't really want to be on any kind of maintenance drug but I know that just bc I don't favor that option doesn't mean it isn't the best option for me. And I do hope that someday I can have opiates around without feeling the need to take a bunch at one time and try to get high while also trying to alleviate pain.

My appt with my neurologist went pretty well.... he didn't come up with any kind of med solution but referred me to a more specialized neurologist to help with that, along with a referral to a neurosurgeon. The neurosurgery referral was expected, and I've been down that road a few times already, as I have 2 stents in my carotid artery near the base of my brain. This upcoming neurosurgery procedure won't be too bad, in fact it's pretty routine for most who have it... although I must say for me it has never been routine as I've had complications each time. Nothing too severe the last two times, but enough to land me in the hospital for a couple nights instead of just going home the same day bc an angiogram is typically a same day procedure.

Well I guess I'm still in wait and see mode with things. But for now I'm still sober, still on a low dose of suboxone (going down to 1mg tomorrow), and I'm still working... so for me those are all good things :)
 
Day 1 of going from 2mg suboxone down to 1mg..... very nervous but also ready to do this knowing I only have seven and a half strips left of the 8mg subs...
I do have plenty of gabapentin and klonopin if I need them...
 
Actually never mind.... I looked at my work schedule for the week and decided that Wednesday would be the best day to taper down... I've got Wednesday and Thursday off work and work a short shift (5 hours) on Friday so if I begin to feel symptoms I'll be in a better place to handle them. This is as opposed to having today off but working 8 hours on Monday and Tuesday...
perhaps I'm overthinking this, I don't know... but what I do know is that I'm nervous to do this and keep putting it off!
 
Ok so today's Wednesday and I just took my tapered dose of 1.5mg suboxone instead of tapering down to just 1mg. I've decided to do the 1.5mg dose for 2-3 days and then go down to 1mg from there.
However, just like I was talking about upcoming surgeries (I think I mentioned the neuro one but there will also be a gynecology one as well), it now seems I may have a dental surgery in my near future. I have an infected tooth that is the result of having a root canal a long time ago but I never had a crown placed (couldn't afford it at the time), and this tooth (the very back molar) has been bothering me on and off for awhile but I keep putting off going to the dentist bc it scares me. I know this is irrational bc by waiting longer I've just been making the situation worse.
Anyway I'm rambling again lol.... the good news is I finally tapered my suboxone dose down, the bad news is I may end up needing to use the norco rx I'll be getting tomorrow at my monthly appt.
 
Well it seems to hell with the suboxone for right now. I went to the dentist 2 days ago and they confirmed I have an infected back molar tooth that needs a root canal and the nonstop pain I've been having is bc the infection is in the tooth, my nerves below the tooth and they couldn't say for sure if it had gone to the bone yet. It sure as hell feels like it has.
Well my insurance apparently doesn't cover root canals for back molars (the most ridiculous thing I've heard lately), so I had to explore alternative options. Thankfully I live close enough to Mexico and I know several people who have gone down there for their dental care when it comes to the more expensive procedures like this one. My appt for the root canal is on Monday but in the meantime I've been taking antibiotics and norco. I've only been on the antibiotics for one day and I'm waiting for them to really start kicking in - I've been in a similar position to this before and they seemed to work much faster.
So long story short I've been taking norco and the pain is bad enough that I can definitely tell when it's beginning to wear off. I've been taking 3-4 at a time for the pain and haven't been increasing my dosage.... I don't know if it's bc after all the years of opiate abuse that I've got to take that much to get rid of the pain, or maybe it's a mental thing, I don't know. But at least after Monday this should be taken care of.

However that just brings me to my next round of appts for my other health issues - I see the neurosurgeon in 2 weeks and same with my gynecologist, and the gynecologist appt is basically to just decide which procedure will be best for my situation. The neurosurgeon appt is also to schedule a procedure but that one, despite being the most serious out of everything I've got going on, should be the least painful.

I don't know, maybe I won't even have to worry about my suboxone taper after this root canal bc I plan on taking norco today, tomorrow, and Monday (and maybe Tuesday if there's pain but I don't think I'll be in pain after they do the root canal). But that'll have essentially work out to be 5 days on norco - I did take the suboxone on Thursday before my dentist appt and I had an appt with my primary care doc that same day so after I saw him I filled my norco rx and took some. So that's 5 days of taking norco with my last day of taking the suboxone being Thursday.

So I don't know enough about this stuff to know whether or not I'll need the subs after I stop the norco by Tuesday... I guess I'll find out. Ideally I'd like to save the suboxone that I've got left and not use it bc I know I still have 2 more surgeries in the very near future...
 
Had my root canal done today, thank god - that tooth pain was getting bad! So now after today I don't have any current medical reasons to take norco (yes there is some stuff coming up but for now I'm not in pain anymore)........

So it will be interesting to see what happens from here.... I'm planning on tapering a bit tomorrow and taking a couple (meaning 2-4 pills for the whole day) just to avoid any possible WD, and then after that it's either back to the suboxone (which I don't see any point in doing bc I was trying to taper off that anyway) or just going back to taking nothing - no narcotics at all.

What I want is no narcotics, and what I should do is no narcotics.... we'll see what happens!
 
Wow! That sounds like a real adventure 2dark, in every sense of the world, but at least you got to visit Mexico!

I'm glad to hear you are doing well and back home recovering. Do you have any plans in terms of what you'll be doing to replace the opioid use?
 
Well best laid plans and all.... ha.... what I ended up doing was going thru the rest of the norco that I had and today is my first day back on suboxone.

I got lucky and didn't experience PW this time around even though I wasn't fully into WD symptoms. So before this relapse I was down to 1.5mg sub a day..... today I took 6mg sub to ward off WD, along with 2mg klonopin, and I'm feeling fine physically. Just pissed at myself that I relapsed like that.

Well I work a long day tomorrow but I'm going to drop to 4mg sub, then 2mg sub, then hopefully get back to where I was and just take 1mg sub for awhile. I've got 6.5 of the 8mg strips so I don't have to stop the subs immediately but that day is coming up...,, And what is also coming up are 2 more surgeries- one that I don't think will be too painful, the other I think will leave me in pain for a few days afterwards.

I'm in an interesting situation ..... my MD offered to give me some more norco earlier than usual bc of everything that I've got going on. And every time I relapse I think I've learned my lesson.... well soon enough I'll be out of suboxone so the days after my relapse won't be so easy anymore..... omg I hate this back and forth stuff going on in my mind!!!!!
 
I just had to post one last thing..... you know what's crazy?! It's that I actually feel better being on suboxone as opposed to norco or oxy..... it's so crazy and I don't understand it but I'm feeling SO much better right now (having took 6mg sub about an hour ago) versus the 17 norco pills I took yesterday!

I mean, yes there is something that attracts me to that nod off feeling where I can just chill on my couch and "watch" tv, even though I'm in and out of being half asleep... so there's that. But in regards to my mood - that's where I feel a lot better while on suboxone....,, and yet despite knowing this I still have had these relapses.... looking back I don't think I've done too bad since starting this sober journey the beginning of December. It certainly hasn't been perfect, but I suppose recovery rarely is....
 
I'm sorry to hear about the misadventure to your adventure, but it sounds like worthwhile experience nonetheless. What you have learned with your most recent experiences will likely come in handy with more surgeries coming up. I know how hard it is to turn down pain meds, let alone to only take them as prescribed, but the insights you've gained into your mood and how hydrocodone affects it compared to buprenoprhine is no small matter. Recognizing the stability that buprenorphine has provided and can provide you with is a big deal.

Do you have any plans to work with you medical team/doctor on finding ways to deal with the pain relate to surgery?

And yeah, fuck perfection. I'll take real life over perfection any day. Especially when it is spring outside :)
 
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