talk to me someone...

[xxxyyy]

i've been having a few horribly lonely, sad days and can't stop thinking about what a relief death would be. i have no intention of killing myself in the foreseeable future, i'm just sad and lonely, my current living situation is horrible, i'm unemployed and a few decent conversations would probably be a better (and more healthy) distraction than finishing off my drug stash.
sorry if this sounds self-serving/pitying, but this seemed the best subforum to post this.

 

[tripnotyzm]

Hang in there buddy.
Life has a way of giving us hassles from time to time.
You've come to the right place, everybody needs a shoulder to lean on or hand to hold in the darkest days.
I hope you find the light in your life.. It may seem gone for now, but just hang in there and you will see it will return

 

[Eyes On the Roll]

When I go through such times, I think of this quote.

Frodo:
"I wish the ring had never come to me, I wish none of this had happened."

Gandalf:
"So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjIJEtmKrys

It's a very powerful scene, and always has me looking at the brighter side of life after I watch it.

 

[motherofearth]

If comfortable discussing it, what do you believe happens after you die? I was raised Catholic, thus it was ingrained in me suicide equates to damnation. I've since registered apostate, but my views on suicide have never had any finality to them. Also, to contribute an uplifting quote of my own, here's something I left on the Quotes Thread, from William Faulkner's speech at Sotckholm, where he accepted the Nobel for literature.

I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance. The poet's, the writer's, duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past. The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail.

I hope this jumps your engine, as it were. You can always PM me if you are craving interaction.... shit, well, until tomorrow when I go inpatient. Until then, I'm here, and after then there are many people here at TDS who'll talk to you anytime.

 

[Mass08]

Hey there xxxyyy,

Hang in there. Life will improve, even if you don't think it ever will. Instead of finishing off your drug stash and accepting your current situation why don't you try and be proactive about your life? Spend a day job hunting...I recently accepted the fact that any job is better than no job and having an income opens so many doors in your life, you wouldn't believe. Do you have family members that you are close to? Give them a call...it is their job to love you conditionally, tell them your situation and that your just looking for someone to have a happy conversation with. Were all here for you in TDS but as amazing as some warm replies are on the internet there is nothing better than having a conversation with someone who genuinely loves you. I wish you the best of luck and your life will improve if you put effort into changing it. Keep posting here if you are still feeling like this as we'll always be here for you when your down. Just think though if you ever think you are going to permanently hurt yourself...you may make yourself better but you will cause many people pain worse than your feeling for years to come.

Hang in there my friend,
Jason

 

[xxxyyy]

hey man,
thanks for the kind words, they've been rarer than gold-maned unicorns lately. unfortunately i do not have a good relationship with most of my family, i haven't had contact with my father for years, mainly because he failed me in a way that is very hard for me to forgive. i have five half-siblings from my father (i'm 26, and they range in age from 49 to 3, i shit thee not). my mother died when i was 19, and my relationship to her was just as bad, although in a totally different. of all my siblings i only get along with one of my sisters (she's 9 years older than me), she's a great person and very fun to be around, but we're not as close as i'd like us to be. my other older sister (7 years) thinks that i'm marginally worse than hitler, and well, she's a total cunt.
i currently live with my grandparents because of the aforementioned reasons, and the situation here is difficult to say the least, it's the kind of situation that might end in horrific violence is something doesn't change soon. my grandfather is an indiscribable asshole who's responsible for three broken bones during my childhood and many, many bruises and contusions. he's the kind of guy who can only hurt someone weaker than him, once i was able to defend myself he hasn't dared to lay a finger on me, because the years of pent up anger inside me would come out and it would not end well for him.
friends... yeah i still have a few. my addictions, in particular my alcoholism cost me quite a few, and the loss of my best and oldest friends (i knew them since kindergarden) still pains me. haven't had a relationship or sex in three years, mainly because i have self-esteem issues and rejection hurts me way more than it should.
i could go on and on, but let's end this on a positive note. the medication(s) i'm on finally give me some degree of relief, i'm moving out soon hopefully and going back to school, getting those degrees i fucked up the first time around.
again, thanks for listening, i'm called julian by the way.
hey, and if you ever feel down or just want to shoot the shit, PM me.

 

[xxxyyy]

If comfortable discussing it, what do you believe happens after you die? I was raised Catholic, thus it was ingrained in me suicide equates to damnation. I've since registered apostate, but my views on suicide have never had any finality to them. Also, to contribute an uplifting quote of my own, here's something I left on the Quotes Thread, from William Faulkner's speech at Sotckholm, where he accepted the Nobel for literature.



I hope this jumps your engine, as it were. You can always PM me if you are craving interaction.... shit, well, until tomorrow when I go inpatient. Until then, I'm here, and after then there are many people here at TDS who'll talk to you anytime.

an i was raised atheist, although my parents said that if i chose to believe in religion, that was cool too, they just wanted me to make up my own mind instead of being indoctrinated, and this belief is deeply ingrained in me, since i believe in provable facts and little else. sometimes i wish i had your faith, it can certainly help in times of duress. without intending any disrespect, i just think it's a mish-mash of things that made it much easier to get through life in times less enlightened. not that our age is so superbly enlightened, mind you, but at least we have a good (better?) understanding of how things work. and i do believe that death is the end of everything we were, which mostly comes down to memories and personality. but hey, no one knows for sure and we'll all find out eventually.

edit: also the passage from beckett's endgame i posted in the quote thread is fairly close to how i've been feeling for years. hell, the whole play is.

and i like the faulkner quote, there's a lot of truth in there