Taking psychs alone, with mental health problems

[cyberius]

These drugs break the filter, what may be on the other side of that filter can be quite a lot to handle.

Heavy psychedelic abuse (very high doses, microdosing) has in fact cured a lot of my anxiety and depression solely because these drugs made it so intense for a while that it just burnt out.

 

[Tranced]

Anyone with a psych background I would never suggest mushrooms....they are dark and uncontrollable

Suggestions for 1/2 a dose of ald-52 is a good one imo

It's so subjective though. People are very polarised when it comes to mushrooms/LSD. They tend to pledge allegiance to one or the other, whilst denouncing the other as too confusing and/or anxiety inducing. Making statements about which is which is irrelevant. A single experience could shape your view, and every experience you consequently have.

 

[Bella Figura]

^ well said.

 

[Solipsis]

How pointless would it be if you were to keep all mushrooms you have away from her, can she just get them easily herself somewhere else?

Maybe this is easy for me to say without a 2.5 y relationship going, but with the mental instability and seriousness you have described in the OP, I don't see how it is not more valuable to try and protect her and do everything you can to make her unable to source them, well if that isn't pointless in your situation of course. Even if she doesn't forgive you, if that works to make her unable to go through with the plan the harm reduction could be worth more than even your relationship. That is, considering how unreasonable it is to expect someone to enable you with that track record ^, in a fair relationship she couldn't hold it against you that you protect her.

@ mushrooms vs. LSD: even my positive experiences with mushrooms still felt like they communicated to me in a much more foreign exotic language than LSD does. The difference then is whether my preference is to work with mushrooms despite this incongruence or not, and the point is that while I do very much know about singular experiences deciding to a great extent whether I like or dislike some phen or tryptamine analogue... mushrooms and LSD far outnumber experiences with those unusual analogues (and I am probably not the only one in this for obvious reasons). So that makes it not all that unlikely to be able to have a preference based on the 'character' or language they speak and the trends in the sum of those experiences.

 

[Iron Lungs]

she took it upon herself to claim them as her own while I was half the country away for a couple days

Thats so disrespectful, honestly mate it seems like you have done all sorts for this girl and put up with so much and for that I tip my hat to you however in my opinion you have to think about yourself and your own well being. It sounds like she doesnt have any respect for you whatsoever and if I had invested 2.5 years to get where you are then I would be thinking is it worth going on

A relationship is a two way street its about compromise and take it from me they can be hard at times, you deserve better IMO

I am honestly not trying to be a dick love is a strange thing for sure and I just wish that there was some advice I could give you I genuinely mean that

Show your girlfriend this post and ask her for me why is she with someone whom she doesnt respect anything they say and just goes behind their back and does the opposite in such serious situations as this one?

Does splitting up even bother her? and her answer to that question is the key mate, if she is bothered then she will work if she isnt bothered then its not nice but you should move on mate honestly thats the best advice you can get

@ mushrooms vs. LSD: even my positive experiences with mushrooms still felt like they communicated to me in a much more foreign exotic language than LSD does.

I have read my fair share about psychedelics and shrooms are an integral part to the whole scene, I hadnt tripped on shrooms since I was 15 (20 years ago) and only discovered 1p-LSD about a year ago so I am pretty n00b!

All my Acid trips were just amazing, the best experience of my life by far. I was in Tenerife last week and imagine my delight when I was confronted with a bag of Golden Teacher shrooms for sale!

Well I couldnt resist I ended up being talked out of three grams and the guy said do two so I did, he was a really nice caring fellow =~)

I was expecting good things and it was OK a bit giggly at times and I experienced the fractal shit behind the eyelids which was quite different to my Acid experiences but during my Acid trips theres nothing I like more than to listen to Alan Watts and drink a cup of tea and just contemplate things Acid is just energy to contemplate, I found it to be very spiritual and spectacular

my shroom trip didnt have any spiritual side to it at all, it was like drowsy sleepy state where I couldn't be arsed to listen to Alan Watts and think about it I just wanted to sit chilled

After the shrooms I dropped some 1p-LSD (added a bit extra for tolerance effects) and had an amazing trip under the stars, I pulled an allnighter and it was epic

The lack of spiritual side troubled me and after four days I went back and got 4 grams and it was just the same thing sleepy drowsy and cant be bothered, I know tolerance was high and tripping twice in a week is not the best thing to do however shrooms are class A in my country and it was going to be a long time before the opportunity arose again so I did it!

I wasnt impressed at all and I have no desire to trip on shrooms again it just seemed boring

 

[Solipsis]

That's strange.... whatever your opinion is about it's 'character' I definitely don't think you can call it unable to be spiritual even if it wasn't for you on more than one occasion. I would say it is at least as spiritual just like DMT tends to be, even though I quite dislike mushrooms in the end.
Sitting chilled and having a drowsy sleepy state sounds like lower-intensity come-up effects but I am not hearing anything to indicate that you had effects of fair potency. If you would say to me that you saw blacks and whites flicker to their inverse and back and turn into cartoons, inanimate objects came to life, you could see sounds and the essence of everything was like a vibrating ball of energy... but that it was devoid of actual spirituality for you, then I would have to seriouly consider your argument... but even fractal shit in CEVs isn't really close to its full potential.

I wholeheartedly agree about the girlfriend this thread is about though: It is good to question how healthy it is if she can just 'claim them as her own' like that in a relationship. It seems she is taking all sorts of liberties but the TS redrum is accepting this behavior and is judged as a controlling dick for saying anything to the contrary. Of course you love her, your concern about her says it all! But loving her doesn't mean you should indulge her and accept this sort of behavior, if she manipulates you by questioning your loyalty then she is playing games to get you to do shit for her.
That isn't right, her loyalty shouldn't have to depend on you enabling her bad behavior. That she has serious problems doesn't make her behavior okay, because that behavior is not good for her (clearly). If she can't see that, apparently she relies on you to do that, so it's up to you to show her this. Maybe I shouldn't make this decision for you like I did in my previous post, but you gotta answer yourself what is more important: that you are together, or that her boundaries are well-guarded.
I guess she just wants the shrooms to be a solution very much... but if your judgment is that it is very risky, it seems you have a responsibility to protect her from being misled. Yes, shrooms and other psychedelics can be therapeutic, but you will always want to weigh the pro's with the cons; and her reactions before, just like you said, show that she has a lot more to lose than to win here. Possibly she already feels very much like losing so it may be that she only feels what she could gain here, as if the disastrous opposite has already happened. Unfortunately I can't tell you guys what alternatives she has, but it's unfair for you to agree with this since you see that she certainly could do even much worse.

She clearly isn't used to you being very critical and controlling for her own safety [no offense], but what if you were? I take it she would get into a fight, but the question is whether you could get her to return the mushrooms under the very same 'threats' [about loyalty etc].
IMO if she would respond to such a thing, good because she shouldn't want to lose you so easily, and it's fair that her well-being would be so critical to both of your well-being! If she does not respond and just fights, this calls into question your relationship. I am not judging, and certainly do respect how much love can be between you, but this is all a considerable amount of pressure that would not be strange to also put a relationship under pressure. I don't think it is a solution to try and sacrifice yourself under this pressure, eventually it will cause a problem and you'd better address it all now. It's also healthy that her causing this pressure doesn't cause YOU to sacrifice yourself, that is very unbalanced.
I'd be careful about an argument so volatile that it is over before it's even started... because she might not react well if you suddenly start to resist... so I'd try to stay reasonable and insisting but also as calm as you can until she budges.

I have been in complex relationships before, but there comes a point where it's not simply loyal anymore to keep standing behind your partner, but keep everyone's wellbeing in mind. It's such a shame if her problems make it impossible to continue, and by all means, try to find a way for both of you to continue together AND your wellbeing... but if that really becomes impossible have the courage to make a choice.

 

[Xorkoth]

I was in a relationship with someone for 12 years who was actually less crazy sounding than your descriptions of your girlfriend. However there are a lot of similarities. Manipulation, emotional abuse, taking advantage of your good nature, and turning around your attempts to help on you and making you into the bad guy. I bet she cuts you down a lot too, my ex was horrible to me when her issues were triggered. I loved my ex, but I was blinded by that love. In truth she has been the worst thing to ever happen to me thus far. It finally ended after a very long time and over 6 years of that as marriage. By the end of it I was ready to die, massively addicted to opiates to cope with it. I cannot stress to you how miserable my life was and how little self-esteem I had left. She utterly wore me down. I don't think she's evil, it's because she has problems of her own that she is unable and/or unwilling to deal with. I think at the core she is a good person, but she treated me like garbage and it sounds like you're being treated like garbage too. Now that my ex is gone, I can't even fathom why I let it go on so long, and for most of it I truly believed I was happy. And I was happy in ways, but that grew less and less as time went on, and compared to not being oppressed and abused all the time, compared to how I am now, well, there is simply no comparison. I learned a valuable life lesson from that long ordeal, and it was to never allow someone to treat me that way again. It doesn't matter what the reasons are, it's simply not right and you deserve better. Mark my words, if things don't get better, they'll get a lot worse.

Sorry man, I debated whether to post this, but it really resonated with me and I felt I had to.

 

[Solipsis]

I *think* I've only suffered minor emotional abuse in relationships compared to that but nevertheless it seems like it can take some time before we can accept that our partner may do certain things to us that they wouldn't really intend as such. Some of the things they or we do have very complex drives behind them and don't solely rely on a sort of mutual trust that is often built early into relationships as a sort of premise.
Considering my latest relationship, I was pretty unhappy that she did not inform me when her feelings changed (I also seriously suspect she suffered a lot when I broke down which probably was the opposite of sexy), we went to look for a place to live in another province which was crazy to me if she already had such serious doubts at that point. When I found out, I was pretty disgusted (we had agreed to stay honest about such important things, from the start).

It took me such a long time to 'understand' how a number of things together like her anxiety disorder, the period where you find it difficult to bring something up until it has really reached an exploding point, and other unstable factors contributed to her being so late to address this. All that mattered to me at that point, was how I gathered everything, every and all energy I could muster to improve my and our situation and to keep looking for a new place to live with her, and felt betrayed that apparently I had been doing all of that in vain while she was doubting. In the meanwhile she had gotten very anxious, depressed and just got very bitchy.

The similarity although my case was much less severe, is that of accepting too much on both sides but on a much deeper level the lack of understanding on both sides. Bad behavior still comes from being in a bad place mentally, and neither attacking that nor indulging that will do much good. What is necessary is to come to terms very honestly with the underlying reasons of such behavior, quite in time... or to separate in order to protect each oneself. For those very reasons it's important to address the issue and realize that fearing the answer can be a smaller problem than what it can grow into otherwise.

Much time before that point, I think her mistake was probable to indulge me and my misbehavior... she did that with the best intentions, and I couldn't say if I would have stopped if she really called me to order at some point as I was really desperate myself about completely independent things, but it would have been worth a shot. It's not particularly fair to completely expect her to just do that, plenty of people wouldn't know how.
But this just illustrates that you have a chance to call your girlfriend's bullshit, although her issues are independent of yours, and call her to order. Not doing so is likely to just have similar (but differently manifested) lack of understanding etc, further down the road if you just keep focussing on the most immediate stuff like how she hurts and threatens you, and how you are a controlling dick to her if you try something.

 

[RedRum OG]

I can't thank all those who have posted enough. It makes me happy that I'm not crazy, and my advice was good. Though honestly I would've been happier if all you said I was paranoid and everything was gonna be just fine.

I keep telling her: this is my one thing, this is my area of expertise. I've done countless thousands of hours of research on bluelight etc since 2007, tripped ~a hundred times on many ifferent things, done every popular street drug and RC, been around people during bad trips, good trips, and in between in every possible scenario. It sounds cocky but It blows my mind she won't listen. She hadn't even smoked weed before she met me! And yet she seems to think her hour on the internet qualify her to make this potentially life-changing decision

I'm just really worried. She has compromised some after many hours of horrible anxiety and many fights. She agreed to wait till I'm home. But doesn't respect that I grew these, felt very emotionally and spiritually connected to growing them myself. I have been saving them (in good conditions) for over 6 months as I want us to do them together when time is RIGHT and we are both healthy. I am no epitome of healthy and happy either, but am much better off than her, and even I don't feel comfortable and stable enough to do them. I thought that should speak volumes.

I'm glad she compromised at least a little. I found 2 mgs of etizolam from my old junkie days and that's a decent backup for a trip killer. That makes me feel a little better.

Not that it matters here but she's an amazing person deep down. She has been through many traumatizing events and considering all that could be a lot more mean. In a way I admire her courage, she refuses to deal with many of her issues head on, and I guess this is her way of doing that. And it may be a one in a million shot but she could come to terms with all her issues and turn into a complete, mature woman. I just wish the likely bad outcomes weren't so extreme... or likely

I'm aware our relationship has many issues. I'm incrsibly codependent and she can be very self centered and unsympathetic sometimes, but who isn't. We (or I) am working to get more healthy and independenr so I can make decisions that are best for ME.

Thanks again for all your kind words. I may show her this thread