It's been 8 long years since I've really made love with anybody and the more I talk to John Doe, the more I miss it. The thing is though, I'm quite accustomed to long periods of celibacy and being single and beautiful, even at the height of my beauty, the sex I got both in quality and quantity simply didn't compare to real relationship sex. As I said, I'm used to it. I may never see John Doe again, but I'm loving the cyber romance...and sex. He left me a message this morning that kind of surprised me, though:
John Doe: "(4/10/2009 10:40:06 AM): Hey sexy your fellation sounds wonderful and I would love that as foreplay......I want to see ur eyes as u suck my cock n lick it and I wanna see that wicked look in ur eyes as you ask me to cum in u..xxxxxxxxxx........you are so special and I love u and adore u my dear..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
I had sent him a horny statement the night before telling him how I planned on going about sucking his cock. I've got to hand it to this man, he IS a beautiful sex partner. I guess what through me is that he's never said "I love you" before, ever, not in writing, not on the phone, and certainly not in person. So, not to worry, I've been around the block enough times to know to take what he says and divide it by 10.
That is not met to be cynical, by all means, merely realistic. Still, even if what he wrote is a lie, it's a sweet lie and I love how it sounds. Since I've been with him before I think on some level he means it, but like I said, divided by 10. Does that make any sense? I know I've said things under the influence or perhaps even lust that I meant at the time, but when the hot sex or the beginning phase of the romance ended, the same intense feelings I had in the beginning, no longer applied.
I remember a specific example 25 years ago. I had become really good friends with one guy that I bought pot from all the time, he was my main connect. Well anyway, I was only 19 at the time, he was 26. My limited experience with men at that time was that once the sex wore off, so did the love. Well, I had done a bunch of cocaine one night before I went to see this guy, Bruce. It made me horny and I don't know what made me tell him I loved him, before we went to bed, but I did. I fully expected him to lose interest in me after we'd been to bed together, but that wasn't the case.
I felt absolutely awful and bewildered at the same time. "WTF?," I thought. "I don't understand. I thought him being a man and all, he might feel lucky to hit the jackpot and score sexually with me one night, but will pull the distant routine afterwards. I thought that was the #1 rule with men? So what happened?" We ended up being officially boyfriend and girlfriend for 4 weeks, then it fizzled out w/o either one of us saying a word until 8 years later. He asked me if we could try again. He was a nice guy, still is to this day, but just wasn't for me.
I've thought at times getting hurt by men after him was part of my karma. Anyway, I'm sure John Doe doesn't mean any harm, but he's never said what he did in the 8 yrs I've known him on and off. Still, I'm loving the cyber romance, even if that's all it ever turns out to be. He was a very attentive, open minded, sweet lover that definitely took his time in and out of bed. And damn how I love that.
John Doe: "(4/10/2009 10:40:06 AM): Hey sexy your fellation sounds wonderful and I would love that as foreplay......I want to see ur eyes as u suck my cock n lick it and I wanna see that wicked look in ur eyes as you ask me to cum in u..xxxxxxxxxx........you are so special and I love u and adore u my dear..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
I had sent him a horny statement the night before telling him how I planned on going about sucking his cock. I've got to hand it to this man, he IS a beautiful sex partner. I guess what through me is that he's never said "I love you" before, ever, not in writing, not on the phone, and certainly not in person. So, not to worry, I've been around the block enough times to know to take what he says and divide it by 10.
That is not met to be cynical, by all means, merely realistic. Still, even if what he wrote is a lie, it's a sweet lie and I love how it sounds. Since I've been with him before I think on some level he means it, but like I said, divided by 10. Does that make any sense? I know I've said things under the influence or perhaps even lust that I meant at the time, but when the hot sex or the beginning phase of the romance ended, the same intense feelings I had in the beginning, no longer applied.
I remember a specific example 25 years ago. I had become really good friends with one guy that I bought pot from all the time, he was my main connect. Well anyway, I was only 19 at the time, he was 26. My limited experience with men at that time was that once the sex wore off, so did the love. Well, I had done a bunch of cocaine one night before I went to see this guy, Bruce. It made me horny and I don't know what made me tell him I loved him, before we went to bed, but I did. I fully expected him to lose interest in me after we'd been to bed together, but that wasn't the case.
I felt absolutely awful and bewildered at the same time. "WTF?," I thought. "I don't understand. I thought him being a man and all, he might feel lucky to hit the jackpot and score sexually with me one night, but will pull the distant routine afterwards. I thought that was the #1 rule with men? So what happened?" We ended up being officially boyfriend and girlfriend for 4 weeks, then it fizzled out w/o either one of us saying a word until 8 years later. He asked me if we could try again. He was a nice guy, still is to this day, but just wasn't for me.
I've thought at times getting hurt by men after him was part of my karma. Anyway, I'm sure John Doe doesn't mean any harm, but he's never said what he did in the 8 yrs I've known him on and off. Still, I'm loving the cyber romance, even if that's all it ever turns out to be. He was a very attentive, open minded, sweet lover that definitely took his time in and out of bed. And damn how I love that.