Swapping addictions

I don't know if this is a possibility for you, but could you consider slowly weaning yourself off, decreasing the dose that you use, slowly but surely, over a period of days, weeks, months, whatever period of time it is that you need? You could decrease slowly enough that you don't even notice any withdrawal symptoms from a lower dose - though due to the significant willpower necessary to do this, it may not be possible. Then, perhaps, when you had reached a low enough dose that you do feel that you are actually ready to stop once-and-for-all, you could perhaps use opiates a day or two per week as an adjunct to quitting, just to stave off the accompanying depression and cravings, in order to keep yourself going strong.

This may not be feasible for you, personally, and I'm sorry if it isn't, I just thought that it was worth suggesting, just in case it helps a little bit.
 
Sweet P, you know you already have qualifications. Most drug counselors are former addicts, the Clinical Assistants at the rehab I went to only needed to have 2 years clean to work there and most had criminal records and no formal education.

That's true. My first drug counsellor was an ex addict, and she was popular among her patients cos she had "been there". She wasn't just some counsellor who'd attended classes and read books. And of course I don't think you're a dick. ;)

-I suggested volunteering a little while ago .. Have you looked into this? I know that it seems like such an effort, but studies show that this DOES make a difference, and I personally have discovered that not only boredom but also other issues may increase our desire to use. I know that adderall abuse is miniscule to meth, but while I was out with friends, etc, thd withdrawl symptoms of lethargy, lack of motivation, etc, these symptoms were easier to deal with. For example, I volutneered at a place that need help with HR issues (fixing ones resume, what to say during an interview, etc), and it made me feel soooo much better. Maybe you can volunteer at a soup kitchen or be a speaker for transsexuals and share your experiences? If you are not ready for this, drag yourself out and lie in the park all day - something to get you out and about!!

I haven't really looked into volunteering yet, to be honest. I'm just so reclusive these days, I don't like being around clean people... I feel totally out of place, like everybody's watching me. The only time I ever leave the house is to score drugs, go to appointments, or pick up meds from the pharmacy. But I'll probably be facing community service when I get sentenced in May, so I could be forced into it.

-no one cares if you are a transsexual with some charges (didn't know that went thru yet!) and no employment history. You start from here and now. Fuck the doc's who won't give u d-amp or whatever ... You are better off without and you will overcome this!! Take a long, hard, and HONEST look at yourself. You are a wonderful individual with an amazing heart who is struggling but will overcome this!!

Thanks. :)

I haven't been sentenced yet for my charges, but I've pled guilty to most of them so I might as well already be a convicted criminal.

On another note ... I know that you feel a long term rehab would feel like a prison, but it might be sooooo different from your previous experience in a psych ward. It's our nature to be afraid of change and the unknown. Ultimately, you need to choose which route us best for you.

The other problem with rehab, which I haven't really talked about, is the fact that I'm scared to be separated from my family for an extended period of time (even though our relationship isn't great). I think it's part of my BPD. So yeah, I don't really see rehab as being as option. At least not at this point in time.
 
I don't know if this is a possibility for you, but could you consider slowly weaning yourself off, decreasing the dose that you use, slowly but surely, over a period of days, weeks, months, whatever period of time it is that you need? You could decrease slowly enough that you don't even notice any withdrawal symptoms from a lower dose - though due to the significant willpower necessary to do this, it may not be possible. Then, perhaps, when you had reached a low enough dose that you do feel that you are actually ready to stop once-and-for-all, you could perhaps use opiates a day or two per week as an adjunct to quitting, just to stave off the accompanying depression and cravings, in order to keep yourself going strong.

This may not be feasible for you, personally, and I'm sorry if it isn't, I just thought that it was worth suggesting, just in case it helps a little bit.

I've tried this in the past with no luck. It's kinda difficult to explain, but the way I score my meth, I can never be totally sure how much I'll be given on any certain night. One night I might score just a point, and the next night I might score a whole gram or more. And my self-control sucks... if I'm given a gram, I can't use a little bit and then put the rest away for another day. I have to use it all. But thanks for the suggestion - I appreciate it. :)
 
Sweet P - here is a general list of some different types of volunteering:

Administration
Animals
Aquatic Conservation
Children
Community Development
Construction
Disaster Relief
Education
Land Conservation
Medicine
Religious
Research
Special Care
Trail Building & Maintenance

I know there is some you can maybe start doing from home. I am not sure where in NZ you are, but maybe this can help get you started. Okay, I'll no longer nag you about this!! I just really think if you can focus on something else, it will give you something to look forward to and may help.
 
Sweet P I feel you. Whenever I had access to dope, I would do more than I really needed. Id get like a .3 bag and shit would be fire as hell, and Id do a bump and be good, but then I would Never stop doing them and I would end up doing the whole bag.

as far as swapping

I dont think its a good idea, but your situation seems a lot different then everyone elses on here so I say go for it. If it helps do it. Just quit the shards!
 
Get someone to handle money for you, and taper gradually. You could take up coffee drinking.

Volunteering could backfire especially in a situation like a Soup Kitchen amongst the homeless leading to drug opportunities.
 
Have you ever considered going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings? I used to think they would be utterly useless, but have recently discovered that they can be quite therapeutic.
 
Get someone to handle money for you, and taper gradually. You could take up coffee drinking.

Volunteering could backfire especially in a situation like a Soup Kitchen amongst the homeless leading to drug opportunities.

I usually don't pay for my drugs with money, and I'm already a bit of a coffee addict. :\

Have you ever considered going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings? I used to think they would be utterly useless, but have recently discovered that they can be quite therapeutic.

I've given up on NA. They look down on me because I'm dependent on benzos and therefore I'm not completely clean.

Plus I'm not a spiritual person... their "higher power" stuff just isn't for me.
 
I would try to get to a place where i could take just enough meth to get out of bed & push myself to complete tasks. Then maybe eventually wean off. I wouldn't go cold turkey. I'd be laid up for at least a month if i did that.. but weaning off is much easier, even if it takes some discipline over how much you do.. you'll end up with more control over your use

That's how i've always done it. I can't fucking stand withdrawals & being incapacitated
 
All these people are recommending tapering and moderating use and all this... is that really possible, sweet p?

I have known many addicts and I work with a lot of people in recovery, and generally the hallmark difference between substance use and ADDICTION is the loss of control.

If someone could simply control their use, they would do that and not have to face all these nasty consequences... health problems, legal problems, social problems, financial problems and on and on.

If it was as simple as a matter of will power virtually no one would become addicted or stay addicted for long because eventually the consequences will make use illogical so then people would cut back or quit. But addicts can't do that. One of the diagnostic criteria is repeated failed attempts to cut back or stop. This is why we have so many treatment facilities, drug counselors, psych professionals, pharma companies are studying anti-craving and maintenance meds, etc.
 
^ Very good point. I have tried to wean myself off it in the past, but without much success. I lack the willpower to control my use and the amounts that I use. If I have a bag of shards, I need to keep using until it's empty - otherwise it'll be playing on my mind all day. I remember when I first started, I could make a gram bag last at least a month. Now it'll be finished within a day.
 
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^As someone who passionately cares about those suffering from addiction, it drives me mental when people say "you just need will power" and shit like that. They just don't understand how difficult it is and what its really like for a drug like meth or heroin or even alcohol to truly have its claws in you.

You can't just will away addiction.
 
I have a close friend (ie not me -- I like coffee daily and a line of c about once a year max) who's been prescribed dexedrine. He used a lot of stimulants over a long period as well as having mental health issues that the doctors couldn't seem to treat.

The dexedrine has really evened him out. I believe he still does meth and coke occasionally but he doesn't get so high from it.

He did have to go into a psych hospital for a couple of weeks for the docs to see if it would work.

I dunno. Swapping addictions isn't necessarily the best over all outcome, but replacing one drug that's safer than the other seems like a healthy thing.

I've heard of people with benzo and opiate issues getting things really complicated. I'm all for harm reduction around opiates (and any other drug for that matter) but the overlaps and potential for ODing accidentally seem fairly high.
 
Very good point. I have tried to wean myself off it in the past, but without much success. I lack the willpower to control my use and the amounts that I use. If I have a bag of shards, I need to keep using until it's empty - otherwise it'll be playing on my mind all day. I remember when I first started, I could make a gram bag last at least a month. Now it'll be finished within a day.

Are there other doctors you could approach? Maintenance doses, regulated by a doctor, are a lot easier to taper from than from street drugs. Way easier to measure and if you need to stretch a script then you gotta stretch a script.

And the cross tolerances do seem to minimize binges.
 
Are there other doctors you could approach? Maintenance doses, regulated by a doctor, are a lot easier to taper from than from street drugs. Way easier to measure and if you need to stretch a script then you gotta stretch a script.

And the cross tolerances do seem to minimize binges.

Well, both my GP and a psychiatrist from my city's drug & alcohol service both refused to prescribe me dexies. My drug counsellor suggested seeing a private psychiatrist, but the problem is, I would struggle to afford their fees and there would still be no guarantee that I'd get a prescription.

My drug counsellor recently said that she'll try to get a second opinion from another psychiatrist at the drug service - I'm waiting to hear back, but I'm not getting my hopes up. Apparently they're worried that I'll just continue using meth, or that I'll sell the dexies. I assured them I wouldn't, and even said I'd be happy to dose at the pharmacy every day so there'd be no way I could sell them. It's ridiculous.
 
^As someone who passionately cares about those suffering from addiction, it drives me mental when people say "you just need will power" and shit like that. They just don't understand how difficult it is and what its really like for a drug like meth or heroin or even alcohol to truly have its claws in you.

You can't just will away addiction.

The addiction may never go away psychologically, but a person can control their use to some extent.. however small or great

This is the story of my life, too. I'd say i'm still addicted to opiates, benzos, booze, meth/amphetamines, mdma, crack, psychs.. but not physically atm. A lot of this simply has to do with me realizing i don't have the money, so i don't spend it. However, if i don't seek it out & it's given to me free, i have no resistance to doing it. The benefits outweigh the consequences

I'm afraid of withdrawal even tho i've been through it so many times, i don't want to be completely without cause i know then i may get desperate and do something dumb (spend money i don't have, steal ,etc).. so i can definitely see how easy it is to fall into that trap & i'm probably just lucky i haven't at this point+being careful, not doing huge amounts regularly, cause tolerance is a bitch

Anyway, i don't think wanting help is indicative of much. Once you want to help yourself (cause you're so fed up with the situation) then you're on the road to recovery. Therapy hasn't done anything for me. I'm the only one who has, because i need to experience something before i learn from it
 
A lot of this simply has to do with me realizing i don't have the money, so i don't spend it.

Yep :(

And then I think about everything I've lost (monetary and otherwise) & continue to lose thanks to my inability to resist crystal meth... the least of which I'm willing to sacrifice, being my dignity. I'm torn between not being able to keep berating myself for this shit & not really caring what the hell happens...

it's like being split between two poles 8o
thank god I'm not as physically dependent these days, but still, the fatigue never really goes away altogether. :!
 
the least of which I'm willing to sacrifice, being my dignity.

Once I realised I couldn't fund my habit any more on the money I had, my dignity went straight out the window.

Scoring meth was (and still is) more important than even my self respect. :(
 
Once I realised I couldn't fund my habit any more on the money I had, my dignity went straight out the window.

Scoring meth was (and still is) more important than even my self respect. :(

:(

My body won't let me take certain actions to preclude my damn self-respect.. no matter how much my mind wants it... it's really weird, it's like being two different people at once.

Can't work out which instance would be the more uncomfortable?

At least you know you'll begin to rebuild your self-respect once you quit... :)

<3
 
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