Sun Day Mourning

[MisterPoetry]

If I could stay on this planet
even a minute longer
I'd wish to have your voice lift with me,
like a fleeing birds song of freedom.
My journey has turned many
a leaf like arboritums,
but it's time to test the waters
farther than these mortal
fingertips clumsily reach
from. Here on in Death has
got his clock synched
plagued by numerous fits of coughing, since
this is an ends to a means, how come
the meaning of the end isn't so
obvious? I thought we just started
to get things right,
this sunrise, I was stunned
by the horizon
realizing how loud a
subtle sunset can be if.
Each glimpse of glow
cast from mountain to
treetip, puts the light in enlightenment, though
total realization lays
masked bright in the nights mist.
My irises grow like pupils through guidance
blooming vibrant silence, as eyes
met highnoon with salted typhoons.
The sky blew kisses to comfort a
punctured summer soul, spilling
body heat at each rhythmic tick,
talking to none as sad
songs sometimes should be.
Sung sweetly through expressions not
words, which can't soothe final farewells since
action screams. Signaling either
Alpha or Omega, depending on
the perspective obtained by experience alone.
In theory, this morose road I roam holds
so many more golden rays than cloudy
outlooks look forward to,yet
while my soul is due, theres much
I thought I was born to do. So I pass
my burdens onto you through vague riddles,
smiling with sadness, uttering cries from
a joy soon to fall upon deaf ears. The one
time I didn't neglect time, my breath
subsided with the 12th chime from
the steeple my family congregated
under, wide smiled many a
sunday, mourning.

 

[plazma]

Impressive work, it paints a picture of an acceptance of mortality, in words that flow on, through line after line, painting pictures so realistic and well thought out, that I had trouble picking just the one phrase to illustrate what I like so well about the way you write.

but it's time to test the waters
farther than these mortal
fingertips clumsily reach

But I like these lines best.

A point I'd like to make, is that your poetry is one of the few examples of what I call, for want of a better description, the flow-on style, carrying on one line into the next. It gives it an interesting sense of timing and rhythm, that feels very different to the norm.

Lovely work.

-plaz out-

 

[MisterPoetry]

Thank you so much for your reply! You put a smile on my face, I'm glad you like the new direction I've been trying with my work. I feel structure in alot of pieces is key in regards to holding a readers attention, accentuation of certain lines, ease of flow, etc. I really appreciate the input though, more than you know. Thanks again!