Mental Health Suicide - pros and cons

[neversickanymore]

The suicide arrives at the conclusion that what he is seeking does not exist; the seeker concludes that he has not yet looked in the right place.
Paul Watzlawick

 

[bit_pattern]

Sorry for the massive post OP, seeing as this is a thread about ones thoughts on suicide I hope you don't mind.

Not at all, that pretty much sums up my situation too.

That being said, this mindfulness seems to have some positive effects after only 24 hours. I've just been trying to focus my attention on my body and just doing something as simple as that has really dampened the negative emotions considerably, I'm quite surprised TBH

 

[aussie101]

Suicide (cons): you are dead. No more life.
Suicide (Pros): None that I can think of.

The End.

 

[spork]

Not at all, that pretty much sums up my situation too.

That being said, this mindfulness seems to have some positive effects after only 24 hours. I've just been trying to focus my attention on my body and just doing something as simple as that has really dampened the negative emotions considerably, I'm quite surprised TBH

This is something that I'm really happy to read. Mindfulness has done wonders for me and I'm glad that you're starting to benefit from it as well. It surprised me how well it worked too when I first started. Keep up with it! You'll have bad days (everyone does), but with the right skills they do become more manageable. Much love to you!

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

I have frequent suicidal ideation, and I've just gotten over a very very serious active period, and I wanted to have my say. I will refrain from my personal issues that I use to justify it, but in general:

Pros: Stop the endless cycle that always ends in disappointment/emptiness/despair. Solve all problems I have, and ever will have, forever.
Cons: I don't regret living this long, and whenever I have been near death (voluntarily or involuntarily), there is such fear and unwillingness to end things....the nice moments of life are really nice and the neutral ones tolerable enough.

 

[Tryptamine*Dreamer]

Honestly, I usually wish I would have never existed. If I could, I would prevent myself from ever being born. I have had a terrible impact on the lives of many people and animals. If I had died as a small child, my brother who is in prison would probably have had a happy life and not be in the Hell hole he is in today. Perhaps my parents could have been happy together. When I found out I was adopted, my dad made it clear that he did not want me. My mom would have probably been much better to my brother if I had not existed since she would not have had a choice of which kid she liked best. None of the bad things I did would have ever happened. I would not have taken up resources that could have been better allocated to others. My mom may have not got breast cancer if I had not put her through so much stress with my hatred when I was a teenager. The world would have all around been a better place if I had not existed on it. I would have never experienced any pain.

Now that I am still alive, my suicide would have a negative impact on the people who would miss me. I have a couple of pets who would miss me and possibly end up somewhere worse if I kicked the bucket now. It would be morally wrong to end my life since my death would have a negative impact on others. I am also in what is sure to be a very brief break in an otherwise never ending depression. It would not be logical for me to kill myself now while I feel good.

After I lose my ability to feel good things again and everyone/thing that would feel bad about my death have died or gone away, then I would be better off dead and my death would prevent me from wasting natural resources that could be preserved or used by someone/something that needs it. At that point, I will also cease to be useful in any way. My death would prevent me from having any more negative impacts on the world and any lifeforms that I could potentially harm. It would prevent me from suffering any more my self. When that time comes, suicide would be a good thing for me personally and would make the world better in some small unnoticeable way. At that time, suicide will serve to end any pain I might feel and would be the morally right thing to do. If I somehow do not return to a depressed state after everyone who cares about me have died or dispersed, I will choose to stay alive out of a selfish desire to be happy.

I do not feel bad in any way right now. This is just what awaits at some point in the future unless I die of a non-suicidal death before I cease to have any value or worth.

Those statements are based mostly on logical conclusions and not fallible emotions.

 

[bit_pattern]

This is something that I'm really happy to read. Mindfulness has done wonders for me and I'm glad that you're starting to benefit from it as well. It surprised me how well it worked too when I first started. Keep up with it! You'll have bad days (everyone does), but with the right skills they do become more manageable. Much love to you!

Is harder than it initially seemed

At first, was just focussing on the body, seemed to work wonders but quickly dissipated. The whole thought process stuff is really hard. I mean, I feel better than I did when I started the OP, no doubt, but I think I was kind of blocking shit out. Now stuff is coming up again that makes me feel really, really sad (not at the depressed stage yet). I find the keeping attention to be really wearisome and trying to let thoughts go really hard, I kind of like being lost in thought even if it is ultimately self destructive. I find that I am so anxious and my thoughts are so here, there and everywhere that it is really, really hard to even acknowledge a thought that comes up becauseemving th the thoughts are so there that I don't even know I'm having them and when I try various meditation techniques I just get annoyed really, really quickly. I'm finding it hard to even just focus on my body, I don't want to but can feel the sadness turning back into depression again. Some of the stuff I';ve watched on Youtube (the Oxford Mindfulness something or another have some good material) talk about, say, feeling tired and focusing on where you feel tired but i don't know how to make that work for the feelings of shame and self loathing that overcome me. I try feeling kindness but just get lost in thoughts about it. It's as if it's easy to intellectually process but practice just kills me. I really just want ot feel sorry for myself and wallow in the feeling. Is much harder than, say, quitting drugs.

Bleh

 

[spork]

Yeah, it's not always easy but it does get easier with time. I have to use an app on my phone daily that just alerts me and reminds me to be mindful of the moment I'm in. Those kinds of things help. Something you might want to talk to your psychologist about is Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction in your area. I've been meaning to get into it here, but my schedule hasn't jived up with it yet. I know for myself I wasn't able to fully accept mindfulness and practice it until after I was in a type of therapy that had a strong focus on it. The structure and just talking about different techniques with different people helped me a lot though and I do notice that I practice it more than I ever thought I would now and a lot of times I do it without really thinking that "hey, this is mindfulness." I do think that reminding myself that it does help even if it might seem like a pain to do at the time has helped me tremendously. For the shame and self-loathing stuff, I'd just try to have an activity planned after thinking about it for a little bit. That might make it a little easier to let the thoughts go.

 

[fifleman]

"I miss the comfort in being sad." Lyrics to Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle, by Nirvana.

Bit_pattern, anything worth having requires time, effort, and a painstaking process of self-growth. In this day and age of one-week weight loss programs and Easy Mac, I can be quick to lose sight that nothing, absolutely nothing, is handed to me. If I want money, I have to work. If I want things, I have to make money, so I have to work. If I want happiness, I have to practice taming my mind. It's not an overnight matter: I did not get into drugs and alcohol overnight. As insane and on fire with desires as I was using, it's irrational to believe this will be lifted from me just because I don't intoxicate myself anymore. This is the delusion.

It is absolutely amazing that I can be sitting here on the couch and become instantaneously overwhelmed with sadness because my mind jumped back in the past five years to a depressing event. I would argue with anyone that time travel exists: my mind does it every day. Takes me back to a week ago, a year ago, ten years ago, a memory of when I was a kid. Then, if I am unconscious, I start living in that memory and can harp on the feelings that arise in this moment from it. Absolutely powerful and amazing, the mind. The most powerful thing known to man in the universe. Look around you: entire cities constructed from minds.

So, I hope you understand the magnitude of what you are dealing with. Don't let that be an overwhelming thought but rather a comforting one. Knowing this, you can then be OK when your mind doesn't allow for a satisfying meditation session. Why do you think Buddhist monks practice their entire lives? Because it's an ever-conscious and ever-growing practice. You will arrive but you cannot quit before you have even started. Practice, practice, practice.

I encourage you to simply sit cross-legged, close your eyes, and just be. Focus on the breath. You will have many thoughts in your mind; just let them pass. Whatever thought it is, good, bad, evil, lustful, whatever, just let it pass. There is nothing that is right or wrong to think. If you're like me, you have had some gnarly thoughts over the years. That's how on-fire my mind is. Self-doubt is part of the process of self-discovery.

For most of us, enlightenment does not come suddenly, but little by little, as we begin to understand more about ourselves and the world around us. Finding enlightenment is like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and knowing that one day, you will merge into it. It will happen, if you practice, don't strain, and be here now.

"Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced." -- James Baldwin

 

[Spadez87]

You sound alot like me when you say you have been depressed and angry your whole life. sucks eh? Btw im not saying kill yourself. this is my list on pros and cons.

Pros-

1. No more bs
2. No more work
3. life is pointless in general
4. no more women stabbing you in the back.
5. no more friends stabbing you in the back.
6. No more chronic pain.
7. I would get to see what happens when u die (if anything does i mean)


Cons-

1. it would destroy my family (they love me still for some reason)
2. it would destroy 5 close friends.

Thats it.

 

[Moloko Plus]

Hi bit_pattern,

I really hope you are still here. I know I don't know you and that I can never really know you. But, having read your post, while searching for similar answers myself, I've felt very touched by you, and deeply sad.

I hope things have improved for you. I hope you're still here.

 

[herbavore]

bit_pattern is alive and well and I am enjoying reading all that he/she writes over in current events.

 

[spacejunk]

^ same here!

Through his thoughtful, well-informed posts that show a great passion for a range of political/environmental/social justice causes, I never actually knew things had been this bad for bit_pattern.
Even though we communicate numerous times a week - I never had a glimmer of how tough things have been for the OP.

I hope things have turned around since the days you started this thread, bit.
Your perspective and intelligence is inspiring and really encouraging to me - I have been re-engaging with political activism, as you suggested to me ("rather than be another angry politically conscious guy venting on the internet" - or words loosely to that effect).

I'm very glad you are still with us b_p - you're one of the best Bluelighters around.

...Not bad for a fuckin' Aussie - hahaha

 

[Shrooms00087]

Cons:

1. You post in CE&P and would no longer contribute
2. Ethics: You'd be killing an entire planet.

Keep your chin up.